Ghosts
The stale air, the scattered echo. Reminders that I was once here, as a kid, running full steam ahead. To where, did it really matter? Colors from a gazing eye, blurs of faceless people, bits of conversations, a din of whispers, haunt me more than I was prepared for.
As one of the leaders, I enter with Max. He continued at a pace to the stage expecting me to stay behind with the faction. Jeanine just happened to be descending as well, we made eye contact accidentally. I straighten, she was my leader not long ago, my Erudite roots feel like they are showing. But now we are almost equals, and I am not sure how to hide them.
"Eric, I've heard of your leadership appointment. I am sure you will rise to the challenges that Dauntless faces. I would congratulate you, but with your standings, I would have assumed you would become a leader. You were a logical choice," Jeanine's smile was just as back handed as the compliment. "We have made progress with the enhancements, please share with Max that a demonstration will be ready. Meet at the lab in 2 days." Jeanine and her staff continue down the stairs to the stage, the rest of the Erudite hush as they notice her presence.
Only 2 years ago, I was in the same hall, sitting in blue. A group so convinced order and wisdom. I could never continue as one. Studied, formal, appropriate, truth and wisdom are easy to hide behind. None of that will help you in a fist fight. I couldn't wait to shed the formality, pull away from the shadow my parents cast over me. They had Claire, the one who ranked highest in everything, would be one of Erudites smartest. When she defected to Amity, they shut down, became mechanical. I remember laughing when they told me, but they find little need for humor. Her absence became more like death than just disappearing. They put their disappointment onto me, I was never enough, I would never be enough. I could never equal Claire. For four years, I waited. They blade across my hand could not have been more satisfying, my blood burning on the rocks more freeing. I never looked back to them. I wanted it to hurt them. I hadn't thought about them until walking through the theater door, the shadows they unknowingly left still in the seats. I wonder now, as a leader walking through the same hall, would I be enough?
Max's presence snaps me out of dazed that burned through the entire ceremony.
"You know what you need to do with this batch. For too long they were allowed to slip through the cracks. Hunt them down, get rid of them." Max never wasted a word. I have my orders.
"Jeanine has something to show us with the enhancements . She wants to see us both in 2 days, whatever she was planning would be interesting to see if we could use it on group." I saw less of the ideal soldier in the pack heading out the door. We split up, Max has his role to continue playing, formality was not in his blood. His control for his anger for such trivial conversations is wearing thin. I have my work cutout for me and it starts with the train ride.
