AN: This is going to be a two-shot. I hate what's happening to Quinn on the show and writing is the only way to counter the rage. Fortunately in fanfiction Quinn and Rachel can always be happy.
I'm normally a big fan of logic and doing your research, but I wanted Rachel to care for Quinn and no real life medical conditions will keep me from writing that.
Her eyes flutter open and her head hurts.
She's awake but not quite and her eyelids feel heavy as if she hadn't slept in ages. She's in a bed, no doubt, and it's bright outside and her head hurts. But the pillow is soft.
Quinn decides to go back to sleep.
I never told you that, but the moment we first met I immediately wanted to be your friend. I was a nothing, a nobody; at least, that's what other people always thought of me. I must admit that I was angry. Maybe I even hated them for everything they put me through.
A dream. A voice. Muffled noises and heat on her face.
But even though you put me through a lot as well I could never bring myself to hate you. You wanted to seem so tough and strong; you did your best to be feared and keep everyone at a safe distance. Truth is that I always felt a connection with you.
The headaches have vanished.
I guess I sensed that despite your reputation, or maybe because of it, you were just as lonely as I was. I wanted to be your friend, because we both needed one more than we needed anything else in the world.
I still do.
Quinn opens her eyes and blinks against the brightness. How long has she been asleep?
"I really need you."
Reality starts washing over her, dragging her out of her dreams, pushing her into the mattress below her, making her head pound once more and her skin burns. She has a funny taste on her tongue and the material she's wrapped in itches.
Suddenly there's an extra weight on her chest and when she looks down it takes a few seconds before her brain draws a connection between the brunette hair that's splayed across her blanket and a name.
"Rachel?"
It's barely more than a whisper and yet it seems to cause an earthquake as dark eyes find hers and two arms are suddenly wrapped around her and fingers are pressing into her skull. It's too real; it's too much too soon.
"Ow." she breathes out and Rachel backs off, ever so slightly.
"You're ok."
Soft lips press against her temple and Rachel's palm cups her cheek.
Quinn closes her eyes.
"I'm a little tired."
It's ok. You're ok. You're ok and I'll stay until you wake up. I'll stay, because no matter how big the distance between us seems we could never stay away from each other. I can't stay away from you and I won't anymore. I'll stay. I'll stay until you're here with me again.
"One. Two. Three. Lift."
Rachel turns out to be a lot stronger – and even more persistent – than expected. Quinn lands softly on her bed and despite all her attempts to send Rachel away, she's still there, stuffing pillows into her back, bringing her homework every day after school, carrying her up- and downstairs together with her mom or the nurse they hired.
"You really don't have to…"
But as usually she's cut off:
"I want to."
They avoid looking at each other at all costs. Quinn is too embarrassed to thank Rachel properly for everything and Rachel… who knows what Rachel is thinking.
"Rachel, are you staying for dinner?"
Dark eyes shift nervously and shoot a quick glance at Quinn, but fail to find an answer.
After a few uncomfortable seconds Judy smiles. "I insist you stay. I'll call your dads. Dinner should be ready in about an hour."
And then they're alone.
Rachel sits on the edge of the mattress, fumbling with a corner of a pillow. All Quinn can do is look down her damaged body. She can feel her legs and she can feel the pain. But she can't walk, not yet. The surgery went smoothly and the doctors predicted she'll fully recover eventually. For now, though, her orders are to rest and show up at physiotherapy twice a week. There are wounds, cuts, bruises and stitches. Most of them probably won't scar too badly, but she'll have her reminders. She'll always have reminders of her own stupidity and how Rachel took the blame for it. She'll always be reminded of the day the one true friendship she had turned into a relationship based on dependency and guilt.
She wills her eyes off her body and looks out the window instead. On days like this when she's frustrated and sad about everything she'd usually go running. Now she's stuck in bed with her emotions and Rachel Berry, the girl who turned from a nemesis to… whatever.
Quinn really misses running.
"Soon." Rachel says barely over a whisper. "You'll be better soon." She takes her hand and Quinn lets her squeeze it.
"I know you're sad. I can't possibly understand how terrible this must be for you right now and I won't pretend everything's fine."
Quinn tilts her head and looks down on their intertwined fingers. Rachel is not wearing her ring, because she never got married. She wanted to support Rachel and instead ended up ruining everything.
"And you don't have to be embarrassed about me helping you. I'm really doing this for myself. I'm being selfish."
Quinn remembers waking up in the hospital and hearing Rachel talk. It was the first thing she heard after the accident and strangely enough, it was the first thing she wanted to hear. Maybe it was, because she knew Rachel's voice so well and the familiarity made her feel safe; maybe it was because Rachel didn't insist on her answering. Maybe it was, because Rachel just kept talking in a low voice and demanded Quinn would be ok. It was a nice dream, a soothing background noise.
Right now it feels exactly like that again. Rachel is talking and Quinn is listening, unable to respond.
"It's ok if you don't want to talk. You don't have to. You're going to be ok and that's all that matters."
Quinn leans back and closes her eyes. She feels Rachel scoot a little closer and her knee is lightly touching her waist now.
"I know who you were long before you knew about me. That's probably true for everyone you know, but I think I never told you that everything I did was to get your attention. I didn't realize it back then, but what I did realize was that I was intrigued by you. You seemed to be my opposite and yet we were so alike."
Quinn stirs and tries to lie down properly, but the pillows are in the way and she can't move a lot without her neck hurting and her legs hurting and her wrist hurting and her rib cage hurting.
"Here. Let me help you."
Immediately Rachel goes to work again. She lifts Quinn's torso carefully, pulls one of the pillows aside and gently lays her down again.
"Better?"
Quinn nods. It's the first real interaction they've had all day and the corners of Rachel's lips shoot up for a second.
She sits back down, even closer to Quinn than before, and continues.
"I'm an attention whore." She giggles and it makes Quinn smile, too. "But the only opinion I ever really cared about was yours. I always needed you to be there for me and then when you finally were I didn't listen and I don't even know why. I was so stupid and I almost ruined my life. Instead I ruined yours."
Quinn opens her eyes and for the first time in a long time looks at Rachel who looks back at her.
"I can't deal with your guilt right now. I'm sorry." she says. "But for what it's worth, I don't blame you at all."
She closes her eyes again and waits for Rachel to go on. But Rachel doesn't.
When they look at each other again, Rachel is biting her lip. "I didn't want to burden this on you." she finally says. It's Quinn's turn to take Rachel's hand and squeeze. "Please just continue. Tell me about you. Anything. Just keep talking."
"Are you sure you want to hear this?"
Quinn nods a second time and frowns, because she can't roll on to her side and lying on her back is becoming uncomfortable.
"I'm not in love with Finn. I was just in love with the idea of being in love with him. It's not even his fault. I guess I'm so used to being hated all the time that I just really wanted someone to love me."
Quinn squeezes again. Somehow now she's the one comforting Rachel and it's a huge relief. It feels so much better than being cared for, having the shattered pieces of her dignity being ripped from her one by one.
"I guess that's something else we have in common. It wasn't until you told me not to get married that I understood you wanted my attention just as much as I wanted yours. I must admit that," Rachel pauses and Quinn turns her head into her direction. Her eyes are closed but she can feel Rachel sitting close to her. She can smell her, too. It's comforting.
"For a while I thought you had a crush on me."
Quinn tenses and squeezes her eyes shut. Before she can even think to say anything, Rachel continues:
"It made sense after all you did to me. Or so it seemed. Everything you ever did somehow revolved around me. We were always like magnets, drawn to each other, and yes, it was destructive at times, but I understand now that your only reason to be mean was because you didn't have anyone who cared about you. And I guess, because I didn't have anyone who cared about me, either, I misinterpreted your behavior. You wanted me – or anyone - to care so you picked on me to get my attention. And I wanted you – or anyone - to care so I made myself believe that you were in love with me."
She chuckles and Quinn swallows hard.
"It seems so silly now, because that's exactly what happened with Finn, too. I wanted him to care so I made up a whole relationship. There's one difference, though, but I'm not going to tell you that now."
Quinn opens her eyes. "Why not?"
"Because dinner is ready soon and I want to save some parts for the other days I'll talk to you while you rest."
"I can do this on my own."
"Nonsense, Quinn. You'll just slip and hurt yourself."
"The nurse could help me instead. Really, you don't have to do this."
"I told you. I want to. But if you insist, I could call your mom up…"
"Oh god, no. Ok, just…"
"I won't act weird. I promise."
Quinn feels her cheeks flush as Rachel tugs at the hem of her sweater and pulls it over her head. Once upon a time she was able to lift her arms and get undressed and take a shower. Now she needs assistance for everything. Her shoulder was dislocated and is still weak and she probably could undress herself, but it would take an eternity and hurt like hell.
Rachel has already filled the tub with water and keeps checking the temperature.
"I'm doing this for you, but I'm also doing it for myself. So, thank you for letting me help you."
Quinn unbuttons her jeans and let Rachel pull them down. Bending down so far is still impossible with her bruised ribs and a slightly ripped midriff. It should be embarrassing, but Rachel is so careful and so gentle and she doesn't stare or comment on anything so it's actually quite bearable considering the circumstances.
There's a soft knock on the door.
"Do you need help in there?"
Rachel shoots Quinn a questioning glance. It's not on her to decide, so Quinn replies:
"No, mom. We're fine."
Again Rachel doesn't comment; her expression doesn't even change, despite the relief washing over her. Quinn trusts her. She reaches around and opens Quinn's bra and pulls it off and ducks her head and avoids Quinn's eyes.
Quinn just stares at the bathroom door and hopes this will be over soon.
When Rachel's fingertips hook into the waistband of her panties, Quinn stiffens.
"I have to…" she all but whispers so despite the fact that all the embarrassment Quinn had been able to suppress up until now just kicked in with full force, she lifts herself up a little so Rachel can pull down her underwear. It'll just take longer if she starts acting weird now and it'd make both of them even more uncomfortable.
She bites her lip, because lifting her own weight actually hurts and Rachel sees the grimace she makes and is quickly by her side.
"I can't carry you alone, but if you can walk a few steps with me aiding you I'll help you get into the tub."
Quinn nods her permission and Rachel puts Quinn's arm around her shoulders and pushes her up. When they stand Quinn tumbles and swings her other arm around the shorter girl as well and –god- that's just too much. She struggles hard to fight back the tears. Where has her dignity gone? Where did Quinn Fabray go?
Rachel notices but again doesn't comment and Quinn is beyond grateful for that. She leads her to the edge of the tub and makes her sit on the edge. Quinn lifts her legs and, with Rachel's help, slowly slides down into the water.
"Is the temperature ok?"
It is.
"I'll be just outside then. Call me if you need anything."
But as she turns to go, Quinn grabs Rachel's arm.
"Could you tell me again?"
For a second Rachel just stands there silently, wondering.
"Could you tell me that I'm going to be ok again?"
Their eyes meet and hazel eyes turn dark and brown eyes turn darker.
Rachel sits down besides the tub. "I'm going to do better than that." she says. "I'm going to sit here with my back to you, leaned against the tub and I'm going to tell you anything you want me to. And Quinn?"
"Hm?"
"You're going to be ok very soon."
"I broke up with Finn."
Rachel hears water splashing behind her but makes sure to never turn around and look. Her eyes are fixed on the sink instead.
"He made an ultimatum. He said we either get married now or never; so I chose never. We fought and he cried and I cried, too, because I really wanted to marry him. But not like this. Not when it's all about him and everything's on his terms. As I said, it's not even his fault. I let him do this to me; I let myself being suffocated, because I needed his attention so much that I forgot why. I forgot that it was never supposed to be all about getting him to notice me; it was about being noticed in general, for my musical talent and maybe even some of my personality traits. Instead I was noticed, because I kept running after him until he finally gave in."
The splashing stops and it's silent for a moment.
"And then I wondered why I always felt like I had to go on fighting for attention." she laughs softly and looks down at her hands. "I was so delusional." Now that she said it, it suddenly feels real. She's broken up with Finn, the boy she had been fighting for (and with) for almost three years.
"Could you… I want to wash my hair, but…"
Rachel turns around and smiles at Quinn. She looks so vulnerable, like she'd break if Rachel touched her. She thinks how ironic this is considering what Quinn survived.
"I've always admired you." she says as she takes a cup from the sink and fills it with water. "You're so strong. You never ran after any boy like I did. You took what you wanted instead and they came running after you."
Quinn leans back as hot water runs over her skull. Rachel takes the bottle of shampoo and starts massaging some into Quinn's hair.
She wonders if her stare could finish what the truck started, if it would make Quinn break. Glass cut her face and arms and metal bruised the rest of her body, but she's still here in one piece. Rachel thinks that maybe the truck missed Quinn's body and hit her self-worth instead; like her spirit was threatening to fall apart beneath her fingertips and if she pressed down too hard Quinn would shatter into pieces.
And then, seeing Quinn naked in more than one way she wants to be there when the breakdown happens. She wants nothing more than to be the one who'll pick up the pieces and glue them back together. Maybe if she can keep Quinn's soul together the scratches and cuts and stitches and bruises will disappear as well. Or maybe it's the other way around; maybe she could trace every wound with her index finger and talk it away and care for Quinn until she's healed and then the real Quinn will automatically come back.
Right now the only thing she feels she can do is to let Quinn know that there's no need for her to be embarrassed, simply by not addressing the situation.
"And then," she starts again. "When I was finished running after you and was close to ruining my life, you suddenly came running after me and I realized that you want to be my friend just as much as I want you in my life."
She rinses Quinn's hair gently, covering her forehead with one hand to protect her eyes from shampoo. Quinn hisses and Rachel realizes there's another cut at her hairline that she didn't see before. It must burn at the contact with soap. "I almost got it all out now." she says, pouring some more water over that exact spot to clean it, running her fingers through blonde locks.
"You should get rid of the bangs. I liked your long hair better."
Well, that came out of nowhere. Rachel smiles and continues rinsing.
"But you used to mock me for my old haircut."
"Yea, well, I was a stupid bitch and I couldn't find any real flaws."
They laugh until Quinn winces in pain.
"I can't even laugh anymore."
Rachel hears Quinn choke and sees her lip quiver. She empties another cup of water over Quinn's head and strokes blonde strands away from her face, tucking them behind Quinn's ears.
"I talk a lot." she says softly. It's only partly meant to be a joke.
"That's not a flaw. Your talking is the only reason why we still have a Glee club."
Rachel sets the cup aside. "All clean now." she says and Quinn nods her permission again before letting Rachel lift her up once more to make her sit on the edge of the tub.
Rachel hands her a towel and wraps a second around Quinn's hair.
"This is really frustrating." Quinn sighs and Rachel takes the towel from her hand to dry her legs and feet. "Thanks." Quinn whispers with flushed cheeks when she's fully dressed again and sitting in her wheelchair.
"You're going to be ok. I promise."
