So I'm back on this account. I missed it. It's where all the truely Addekness is. It's a happy place. I like it here.

So this is my new fic. I SWEAR THIS IS NOT LASTING PAST THE CHRISTMAS SEASON!

Does anyone believe me?

Read:

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I saw him first. I always see him first.

He was standing at the counter waiting for his coffee, his hands deep in his pockets –– just like always –– and he was just looking around, taking in the enlarged Christmas ornaments hanging in the windows. We always used to wonder why stores and coffee shops had ornaments bigger then anywhere else, we used to wonder where they got them. I always wanted some for our tree –– I thought it would be faster to decorate if the ornaments were bigger –– he thought I'd claim to need a bigger tree.

At first I told myself that it wasn't him I was seeing, that I was just expecting to see him because it was Christmas and I was in New York. Millions of people are in New York at Christmastime and the chances of one of them looking like my ex-husband were high. Average height with dark hair is pretty common.

But I knew it was him. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I couldn't breath. My heart raced. I couldn't move.

All I could think was 'that's him' and everything else disappeared.

I'm not sure that I had fully decided to move yet, but my feet were moving and my mind was forced to catch up. I couldn't go into the coffee shop, that much I knew, so it seemed that my feet had decided I was going to do a little bit of last minute shopping.

The store I stepped into enveloped me in the familiar scent of leather and Hugo Boss cologne. It was so familiar and yet so foreign that for a moment I stayed frozen in the doorway unable to move. Finally I wandered over to a display; absently I fingered the knitted scarfs, then moved on to leather gloves, then ties, then sweaters. I didn't really have any men to buy for. Dad was done. Archer was done. A guy I'd wanted to spend Christmas with dumped me before I could buy him anything.

So I'm 38 and spending Christmas with my parents because they won't be around forever, and I had no excuse this year not to go –– I wasn't married after all –– and my boyfriend dumped me.

Christmas with him would have been a day of laughter and smiles and stolen kisses in the midst of piles of wrapping paper and bows.

Nothing in this store suited that man anyway. The store suited a man I tried very hard to forget I was madly in love with.

Then I found the perfect pair of gloves, the leather was supple and they were just the right shade of brown –– not to black, not to red, not to orange –– Kevin would've loved them.

As I paid for the gloves I wondered briefly how long I had dawdled in this store, surely Derek wouldn't still be at Alice's. Surely by now he was walking through the park on his way to the ice rink. There are certain things that you have to do in New York at Christmas time, drinking hot drinks from Alice's while watching the skaters is one of them. I left the store to walk next door to Alice's –– it had been two long years since I'd had a hot mulled cranberry cider –– and just for a moment, as I stepped over the threshold, I could smell the cologne and the leather from the store behind me and I could almost taste the cider from the shop ahead of me. It felt like the world jolted abruptly, then continued turning on it's axis without anyone noticing. It smelled like Christmas. It smelled like every Christmas I'd had for the past 20 years –– like every Christmas since I'd met Derek.

And I missed it.

XXXX

Christmas in New York is freezing. It's magical. But it's freezing. In order to experience the magic of Christmas in New York it is necessary to indulge in blood warming beverages.

When I was in med school we indulged in alcohol stowed away in flasks and tucked in pockets or in Addison's purse –– depending on the fashions that season she could sometimes fit the whole bottle without to much trouble –– but now that I'm hovering on the cusp of 40 I'm finding myself more then content with piping hot coffee with a few shots of hazelnut flavoring as a special Christmas treat.

So because I'm in New York city, and because it is Christmas time, I stand in line at a crowded coffee shop across from Rockefeller Center and wait while tourists read everything on the menu, couples tasted each others drinks and families dispersed hot chocolate to waiting children. I get my coffee, ask where those decorations in the window came from –– because they are huge and for no reason I find myself wanting one –– and head back out into the bitter cold to cross the street to Rockefeller Center.

I don't like change.

I like tradition. When I go to Rockefeller Center every Christmas –– and I've only missed it once since was was 3, it's a long story but I was in Seattle and didn't get back –– but every time I go I get something to drink at the coffee shop around the corner, then I brave the bitter winter cold and watch the skaters with the Rockefeller Center Tree sparkling above them.

So when I saw Addison standing off to the side of the rink, drink in hand, staring off into the distance at the skaters and the lights behind them…

I was struck dumb for a moment. After a moment I realized that that woman that I was staring at on the left hand side of the rink had short hair, but that flash of doubt lasted only a second until she lifted her cup to her lips and took a sip. I don't know what it was that confirmed who she was, maybe it was that she seemed lonely. Maybe it was because I'd spent 20 years watching her sip mulled cranberry cider while she slowly froze at Rockefeller Center because she wasn't wearing appropriate footwear. I knew the stance and the barely perceptible shiver.

I still don't know why I went over. Maybe it was because I knew she knew I was here and I didn't like that she was avoiding me. Why else would she be standing on the wrong side of the rink? You can't properly see the tree from over there. She must have known that I was on the acceptable side and she didn't want to risk running into me and having to talk to me.

So I went over.

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It was 8:37 on the evening of December 23rd, the Eve of Christmas Eve, in New York City.

Derek Shepherd moved purposely around the border of the ice rink at Rockefeller Center towards his ex-wife who was serenely watching the skaters skate round and round.

"Addison?"

She stiffened and turned slowly, "Derek? What are you doing here?"

He shrugged and turned so they were both facing the skaters instead of each other, "Last minute shopping."

"Me too," she added quickly.

"Going to your parents?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah."

"You're alone?" He looked around as if someone would suddenly appear.

"Huh?" She frowned for a moment, "Oh. Yes. Just me. I mean, he had to work, and my parents wanted me to come home for the… his names Kevin, I don't know if I ever… told you that."

"No."

"He's a cop."

"Ah," Derek nodded and took a sip of his coffee. He waited for Addison to get up the nerve to ask about Meredith, he knew she was curious but that she didn't want to bring it up.

"So, your mom must be glad you're home."

"She is."

"Is… everyone going to be there?"

"No. Everyone is at their in-laws this year. Kathleen's kids are with Peter so it's going to be pretty small this year."

"Kathleen and Peter spilt up?"

"Couple months ago."

"Wow. They're the last ones I would have… " She glanced quickly at him then back at the skaters, "Wow."

Derek nodded and took another sip of his coffee.

"So just Mom, Kathleen, you and Meredith then."

He shook his head, "Meredith didn't come."

"Oh," she couldn't bring herself to ask why and he didn't move to elaborate, "That's to bad. No one should miss Christmas in New York."

Derek grinned, "It's magical."

"I know," Addison smiled, "It just feels like Christmas here."

"It's freezing."

"Exactly," she smiled, "And there's snow. And sweaters. Cider," she held up her cup, "I love it here at Christmas."

"It was our season."

"Yeah," Addison chuckled, "But you just liked the egg nog and the sweets."

"You just liked the presents and the excuse to shop."

"You never complained on Christmas morning when you were opening all those presents that I spent hours shopping for. Or when your mother would thank you for the gift that I bought, wrapped and delivered to her."

"Yeah, but I can do that all myself online now," he laughed.

She swatted his arm, a smile on her face too.

"You should come over for dinner tomorrow night."

"Okay."

XXXX

I don't know why I did that.

As soon as the words came out of my mouth I was looking for a way to take them back.

And then she said 'okay'.

OKAY. SHE SAID OKAY!

Then we stood there awkwardly for a moment, wondering what the hell we had just gotten ourselves into. She looked like she wanted to take back her 'okay'. Which was good because I wanted to take back the invitation.

XXXX

"Well, I should go," Derek took a step away.

Addison's eyes widened, and she looked at him, her eyes flashing wildly, "Yeah, me too."

"I'll see you tomorrow then," he walked backwards away from her.

"Uhuh," she nodded, looking more terrified by the second.

"Okay. Bye Addison."

"Bye."

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WHAT WAS THAT!

Oh my God, I'm going to have a panic attack in the middle of Rockefeller Center!

I just agreed to have Christmas Dinner with my ex-husband. Why would I do that?!

He was probably just asking to be polite and then I went and said 'yes'! Oh my God, what am I going to do? I can't go to his house for dinner on Christmas Eve! But I can't not go. And, oh my God I lied to him about having a boyfriend.

I need a plan.

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Okay, so there was the first chapter of what is going to be a short fic which will be resolved by the end of the Christmas season in their world and in mine.

Please Review.

And Happy Addekmas!!!