Ninja Vs. Pirates

Log One: The Seven Seas of Die…

It was another day down at the docks of port Jolos where two pirates stood awaiting their Captain's return from the town. Both of them appeared to be of the same height and build. Both wore red bandannas up their heads. One was covering his flowing blond hair and the other was covering up some rather unattractive balding. The balding one wore nothing on top except for a leather vest to compliment his dark and tattered jeans. As he walked, the clunking of his boots could be heard. The pirate with him was leaning against a pole along the docks. He, too, wore a vest but had a black shirt underneath. His leggings were similar but baggier and had a flame design along the bottom of the legs.

The one moving back and forth had his hand on the hilt of his sword which he kept glancing at with his eye as the other eye was covered with a patch. He did not need the patch and neither did his partner. They just had the patches because it was their "thing". The pirate who was not moving had two holsters for his guns on both sides of his waste. He did not bother with them because his hands were in his pockets as he seemed to be napping, but not successfully.

"I can't believe this," the first one ranted.

"What now?" the leaning one asked.

"I can't believe the captain just left us here when the Port Patrol could be around any minute," he explained. "I know he said he'd be only a minute, but it has been three hours now."

"What did you expect joining the Pirate Corps?" the lazy pirate replied. "Listen, Headrick. I've picked up a lot in my short time with this crew. From what I've learned, we're managed by idiots. The Pirate Code is a joke. In all seriousness, I think we'd be making more of ourselves if we actually did honest work rather than try to steal from people and pillage their towns."

"So then why don't you quit?" Headrick asked. "Come on, Keeler. If the honest world is so great then why don't you just join it?"

"Because I was inspired as a child to be a pirate," Keeler answered. "Ever hear of the Queen song, Seven Seas of Die?"

"Die?" Headrick questioned. "I thought it was 'rye'?"

"Rye?" Keeler argued. "That doesn't sound right. Do you even know who Queen is?"

"Of course I know who Queen is," Headrick defended himself. "Queen is that band with the gay singer, right?"

"That's not just Queen," Keeler answered. "But yes, you are right. Congratulations, you want another tattoo as a reward?"

"Hey!"Headrick snapped. "Don't mock my tattoos! They all have meaning to my life and-"

"Meaning?" Keeler repeated mockingly. "You have a tattoo on both biceps. They're both anchors. The meaning behind them is you saw Pop-Eye and lack creativity."

"Shut up," Headrick ordered. "Besides, we're supposed to be guarding our ship from attack."

"We're pirates," Keeler said. "No one would attempt to attack us because they fear us. The only ones we need to worry about are ninjas. They haven't attacked us in months."

"You call what they did last time an attack?" Headrick laughed. "All they did was shout at us and say they hated us."

"Yeah," Keeler agreed. "I suppose we don't have anything to worry about.


Meanwhile, in a group of trees nearby, there were two people in ninja-garb watching Headrick and Keeler. Neither wore a full face mask or sleeves, but they both wore a ninja tunic, pants, gloves, footings, and a mask that covered the bottom halves of their faces. The dark-skinned ninja had a large purple Afro and his outfit was white. The lighter-skinned ninja had messy black hair and his outfit was all black. As they watched, the ninja dressed in black kept stroking the blades of whatever weapons he had and watched the pirates intently.

"What are they doing?" the black ninja piped up after a few moments.

"What!?" the black-dressed ninja asked.

"I said, 'What are they doing?'" the black ninja repeated.

"Goddamn, I'm so sick of answering that question!" the black-dressed ninja exclaimed.

The black ninja became defensive, "Hey, you're the one who has those magic eyes and I don't so I can't see as well as you from this distance and I'm not going to sit up here all day and play with my dick so-"

"Okay!" the black-dressed ninja sighed. "Look. They're just standing there and talking. That's all they EVER do is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing last month. That's what they did yesterday. That's what they did FIVE MINUTES ago. So, when you ask me five minutes from NOW, I'll say they're still just talking and they're still just standing there!"

There was a long pause and then the black ninja piped up again, "What are they talking about?"

The black-dressed ninja glared at the black ninja, "I fucking hate you."


"I just think that our resources should be better spent actually sailing the seven seas of die and stealing new boats," Headrick suggested. "That would be the best way to get things done."

"Yeah," Keeler chuckled. "We should be the leaders of the pirate fleets. Then we'd be moderately more successful than we are now."

"No shit," Headrick agreed. Just then the captain returned from his travels on land.

"Afternoon, wenches!" Captain shouted to Hedrick and Keeler. "Mind getting over here, on the double, as in now!?"

"Yes, sir, Captain!" they both shouted.