Harry has always been a nice person, always caring about everyone before himself; he always had a smile and something good to say. No one cares about him; no one could imagine that he was the saddest person on earth. No one had imagined what really happens when he was at home, alone, his mind started to play with his heart. Harry had a routine to take some rest; he took off his shoes in front of his bedroom, He left himself topless and lay in bed, closed his eyes and started to think about his life, his feelings; he started to cry every single night. Harry was tired, tired of bullshit, tired of stress, tired to pretend being a person untroubled. Harry was tired of being someone he wasn't .
"Harry Styles… you're the biggest stupid in the world", whispered. His phoned ringed, it was Louis, calling him again.
"Hey, I saw you down in the studio. Is everything fine?"
"Yeah, Louis, don't worry about that. I'm just tired."
"Sure? We can go for a dinner…" He smiled.
"Maybe tomorrow, okay? I want to sleep."
"Okay. See you tomorrow."
Harry threw the phone away from him. His tears started to flow, one by one. He was in love that was the problem. He couldn't handle it. He started to feel love for his best friend. And he couldn't do anything about that, he wanted it to be real, that "bromance" was special just for one of them. The fucking matching tattoos, the smiles, the hugs, the calls, the kisses… he missed all of that, to make them back, but his mind won this time.
"You can do something… You can end with this shit, you can stop this suffering." Harry started to think about suicide.
"I wouldn't rather live without him, I've tried to do it three years ago, and it still hurts."
He got up, walked through the hall and looked at the kitchen. He grabbed a knife and a pen and came back to the room. His diary was on the dressing table; he opened it and started to write on the last page.
"Today, February 22th, 2014. Hey you, it's me again, this is my last entrance. Thank you for keeping my secrets and all my fears, but I can't fight against this anymore. I think this is the solution of my fucking problem; this is how a platonic/stupid love has to end, like this, because it's my coward way to say 'goodbye'. If he reads this diary, let him know… I'll be in love with him, forever. That I'm so thankful to him for showing me what true love is. I hope he and Eleanor have a wonderful life together… with their son, and without me. I loved him first, I love him now, and that's why I'm doing this. Please, tell him not to cry, I'd always loved to see his smile near to mine. I'm going to see his grandma, I'm going to tell her that he's doing fine and he misses her. Sorry. This is my song to say goodbye."
Harry started to cry louder, locked his room and filled the bathtub. His hands were shaking, it was cold, and his heart was absolutely broken. Tears were filling the bathtub nothing could help him, and it was almost done.
"God…" whispered "please forgive me. And take me to paradise."
The water was like ice, the knife was sharp, and the life of a star had ended. He moved the knife, touching his skin, feeling how the pain was flowing through his tears.
"Louis, I always wanted you." were his last words.
Harry died at 9:00 pm, inside his own blood, inside his own pain. The first person who saw him dead was Zayn, and then Liam, and them Niall, and at last Louis. He maybe was the last to see him inside that bathtub, but he was the first person who really read Harry's diary. Everything was there, dreams, love, sadness, tears, flowers, and his last goodbye. Louis never was the same person, not after knowing that the love of his life was dead because of himself.
