Beth Rivera was humming contentedly to herself as she folded a pile of clean sheets and placed them carefully into the linen closet.
'Hey, Mom,' came the voice of her son, Kevin, from his room. 'Have you got any of my underpants in there?'
'Hmm,' Beth considered, casting her eye over the linen closet's contents. 'Well, I don't think so, darling. Aren't there any in your drawer? I put a big pile in yesterday morning.'
'Well they're not in there now,' said Kevin, poking his head around the door of his room. 'I can't find a single pair of my underpants anywhere in the house! Something weird is going on here, Mom.'
'Oh, don't be silly,' Beth laughed. 'They must be around someplace. Here, let me take a look.'
She went into Kevin's room and searched through all his clothes. A frown creased her brow as she realised that there were, indeed, no underpants to be found.
'This is so peculiar,' Beth said. 'Perhaps a few pairs got stuck in the drier. Let's go downstairs and take a look.'
Re-emerging onto the landing, Beth let out a cry of dismay. All the clean sheets that she had just put so carefully into the linen closet were lying on the floor in a heap.
'Oh my, they've all fallen down!' Beth exclaimed.
'They haven't fallen down – they've been pulled out!' Kevin assessed the scene. 'I'm telling you, Mom, we've got a poltergeist or something. Hey, maybe it's the underpants gnomes!'
'Underpants gnomes?' Beth said dubiously, as they began to descend the stairs.
'Yeah, they come in the middle of the night and steal your underpants!' said Kevin, following his mother. 'A few guys at school reckon they've been robbed by the gnomes.'
'I don't think that's very likely,' said Beth.
'Neither do I,' said Kevin, 'but it would explain what happened to all my underpants!'
'They must be somewhere,' Beth said firmly. 'It's just a case of... oh, my!'
She had just entered the laundry room. The washing machine door was open and torrents of soapy water were spilling out onto the floor.
'Oh no!' Beth exclaimed in annoyance. 'That stupid machine. Look what it's done, Kevin!'
'I'll bet it was the gnomes,' said Kevin. 'Or the poltergeist, whichever it is.'
'I'll have to mop all this up now!' Beth muttered, moving through to the kitchen. 'It really is too... aaargh!'
'What is it?' said Kevin, leaping into the kitchen behind her. 'Jiminy crickets, would you look at that!'
All the doors on the cupboards were wide open, as well as the oven and the fridge. Before any further comment could be made, the sound of smashing crockery sent Kevin and Beth running into the dining room. They found the floor covered in the smashed remains of plates, cups and dishes.
'What on earth is going on here?' Beth gawped.
'Well, if it is the underpants gnomes,' said Kevin, 'they sure mean business!'
'There's only one thing to be done,' Beth decided quickly. 'I know your father wouldn't like it, but I don't see that we have a choice.'
Kevin grinned. 'I know just who you're going to call.'
As Kylie entered the firehouse, she was annoyed to feel a fairly hard object land on her head and then bounce off.
'Ach, my ball!' the voice of Garrett exclaimed.
'Your ball?' said Kylie, rubbing her head in a slightly exaggerated way. 'What about my head, huh?'
'Oh, sorry Kylie,' said Garrett, as he retrieved his basketball from where it had come to rest against the rear bumper of the Ecto-1. 'Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea installing a basketball hoop above the front door after all.'
'Well, there are worse ideas,' said Kylie. 'I used to babysit for a family who had a dartboard on the inside of their front door.'
'Ouch,' said Garrett. 'I hope they kept the door locked when they were playing.'
'I'm sure they did,' said Kylie, 'but I always looked twice before going into that house, just to be sure. Are the others here yet?'
'Roland's around someplace,' said Garrett, lining up to take another shot at the hoop, 'but Eduardo isn't here yet.'
Exactly on cue, the front door opened once more and Eduardo entered the firehouse. Garrett and Kylie both saw that he was accompanied by Beth, and that Garrett's basketball was about to hit one or possibly both of them.
'Look out!' Kylie warned.
'Heads up!' Garrett added at almost the same moment.
Eduardo glanced upwards and deftly raised his hands to catch the ball. He tossed it to Garrett, along with a disapproving look.
'Nice move, Eduardo,' said Kylie, flashing him a quick smile.
'Thanks,' said Eduardo. 'You should watch where you're tossing that thing, Gar. You almost hit a client with it.'
'That's not a client,' said Garrett. 'It's your sister-in-law. Oh, not that that means it's okay to throw basketballs at her. I just meant... um...'
'Quit while you're behind, Garrett,' Kylie advised.
'Besides, my sister-in-law is a client!' Eduardo said triumphantly. 'She's got underpants gnomes.'
'What?' said Garrett, suppressing a giggle.
'Oh, I don't think it's really underpants gnomes!' said Beth. 'Well, I suppose it could be for all I know, but... well, I really should explain from the beginning.'
'Come through to the office, Beth,' said Kylie. 'We'll get everyone together and then you can tell us all about it.'
Beth was soon seated opposite Egon at his computer terminal and sipping from a mug of hot tea. Eduardo, Kylie, Garrett and Roland were leaning or perching on nearby pieces of furniture.
'And you say all your son's underpants have vanished into thin air,' said Egon. 'Fascinating.'
'It's not just the underpants,' said Beth. 'Things have been going missing all over the house. I opened a new packet of dishwasher tablets last night, and this morning they were all gone! Then there's the washing machine leaking everywhere, the plates smashing, the cupboard doors opening by themselves...'
'Are you sure this problem has supernatural roots?' asked Roland. 'Perhaps your appliances just need tuning up. I'd be happy to take a look at them for you.'
'And while he's doing that, we'll sweep the place for PKE readings,' said Garrett. 'Y'know, to cover all bases.'
'Yes, you'd better do exactly that,' said Egon. 'There could be a non-supernatural explanation of course, although from what you've said, Beth, there's a distinct possibility of some kind of poltergeist being behind the phenomena.'
'Oh dear,' said Beth. 'I was worried it might be something like that. But don't poltergeists usually prey on adolescent girls, Egon?'
'Oftentimes they do, but there are several case studies involving adolescent boys as well,' said Egon. 'I don't want to jump to conclusions at this point, but this is a distinct possibility that we'll have to look into, given your son's age.'
'Oh, I'd just hate for Kevin to get mixed up in something like that!' Beth fretted. 'I just don't think I could cope!'
'Don't worry, Beth; we won't let anything happen to Kevin,' said Eduardo. 'Besides, it might not be anything to do with him.'
'It does sound like a poltergeist, though, doesn't it?' said Beth. 'Although...'
'What is it?' said Egon. 'Please, give us all the information you can.'
'Well, Egon, it's just that... do poltergeists sometimes do housework?' asked Beth.
'Not as a rule, no,' said Egon.
'Usually what they do is the opposite of housework,' said Roland.
'Yes, I thought so,' said Beth. 'And that is what's been happening recently, but the first time I noticed something strange going on was about a week ago, when some mysterious force washed all the dishes after dinner and sorted the clean laundry into piles before I'd had the chance to do it. And then someone seemed to have done all the vacuuming the next morning!'
'So first of all something started doing your housework,' said Kylie, 'and then after a while it started messing things up around the house instead?'
'That's about the shape of it,' said Beth. 'I didn't tell Carl or Kevin about it – they never notice whether the housework's been done anyway – but now that Kevin's underpants have gone, I'm at my wits' end! If Carl's things start going missing then he'll hit the roof! Oh, but if he knew I was here...'
'Don't worry about it,' said Roland. 'We'll do a full spectral and technical analysis of your place; we'll soon get to the bottom of this.'
'Thank you,' said Beth.
'Okay, let's suit up, boys and girls,' said Garrett. 'We've got a poltergeist to bust... or some faulty kitchen appliances to fix. Either way, we've got a paying customer!'
'Don't worry,' Eduardo said to Beth. 'You'll get a family discount.'
'Oh, good,' said Beth.
Beth unlocked the front door and started to enter the house, but Roland reached out and held her back.
'Better let us go first,' he said, 'just in case.'
Roland led the way inside, followed by Kylie, Garrett, Eduardo and then Beth. The four Ghostbusters split up to conduct a search. PKE meters were produced and very soon all four of them were buzzing shrilly.
'High levels of spectral trace energy in the living room,' Kylie reported.
'Ditto the kitchen,' said Eduardo.
'The laundry room's off the scale,' Garrett reported.
'The upper level's buzzing too, particularly the linen closet,' said Roland, as he descended the last few stairs into the main hallway.
'The whole house is dripping with ecto,' said Kylie. 'You were right to bring us in on this, Beth.'
'Oh dear,' said Beth. 'Is it a poltergeist?'
'Can't tell from these readings, I'm afraid,' said Roland. 'They're recent, but they're only traces.'
'But whatever it is, we'll soon put a stop to it,' said Eduardo, noticing Beth's worried expression. 'Right, guys?'
'Of course,' Kylie said reassuringly.
'We'll do everything we can,' said Roland.
'Hey, guys,' said Garrett, studying his PKE meter closely. 'I'm getting a blip. There's a strong reading coming from the kitchen.'
Even as he spoke, the sound of smashing crockery emanated into the hallway. Garrett shot off towards the kitchen, the others fast behind him. They entered the room to find dishes and cutlery flying out of the open door of the dishwasher.
'Oh no!' Beth wailed. 'I always wanted someone other than me to empty the dishwasher, but not like this!'
'Look!' Garrett exclaimed, pointing to the kitchen surface just above the dishwasher. 'What was that?'
'I don't see anything,' said Kylie.
'It ran over there,' said Garrett, propelling himself towards the door to the dining room. 'It's some little... thing!'
They all crowded into the dining room and immediately saw what Garrett had seen leaving the vicinity of the dishwasher. A little man with a long beard, a red coat and a green hat was dancing about on the table, laughing as he ripped a small telephone directory to shreds.
'Oh my gosh, what is that?' Beth wailed.
'Kevin was right – it is underpants gnomes!' Eduardo exclaimed.
'Well, that could be a gnome,' Roland considered, 'but whatever it is, let's deal with it before it does any more damage!'
Four proton guns were immediately produced and aimed at the small figure on the table. As the Ghostbusters fired, the suspected gnome jumped up into the air, reached the ceiling and grabbed onto the light shade, where it proceeded to swing around and make rude faces at the five people staring up at it.
'Oh, my table!' said Beth. 'I don't know about the gnome doing any more damage, but those guns of yours will destroy the entire house at this rate!'
'That's true,' said Roland. 'And we might knock out the electrical supply to the whole neighbourhood if we start shooting at the light fitting!'
'Then we'll just have to get back to basics,' said Eduardo. 'Hey, gnome – heads up!'
He plucked an apple from a nearby fruit bowl and threw it straight at the creature, which was now attempting to dislodge the light bulb from the fitting. The missile hit its target and the creature fell back onto the table, shrieking as it fell. Eduardo lunged for it, but it skipped across the blackened tabletop. Roland darted towards it from the other side. Quick as a flash, Kylie removed the ghost trap from her back and dived under the table. She heard the footsteps of the creature pattering around above her. Acting quickly, she slipped the trap out from under the table at the point towards which she judged the steps to be heading. A scrambling sound told her that the creature was just about to jump off the table. She pressed the control to open the trap.
'Hey,' said Garrett, 'what just happened?'
'Did it work?' said Kylie, crawling out from under the table.
'Yeah, it worked,' said Roland. 'You caught him nicely, Kylie.'
'Nice move, Kylie,' said Eduardo, flashing her a quick smile.
'More like dumb luck,' Kylie replied, with a small smile of her own.
'I'm just glad you caught it,' said Beth. 'Oh, look at that!'
The Ghostbusters smiled to see that a pile of boy's underpants had appeared on the table, neatly ironed and folded. The broken crockery was now back in the dishwasher, intact and none the worse for wear.
'Looks like our work here is done,' said Garrett. 'Unless there happen to be any more of them around the place.'
'Which there almost certainly aren't!' Eduardo added hastily, noticing Beth's satisfied expression waver for a second. 'Everything's back the way it should be and now we can put the gnome on ice.'
'Oh, thank you,' Beth beamed. 'Thank you all, so much.'
While Roland went down to the basement to empty the ghost trap, Eduardo, Kylie and Garrett tried to help Egon identify the creature on his computer database.
'Is this the fellow?' Egon asked at length, as a profile popped up on the screen.
'That's him,' said Garrett.
'Definitely,' said Kylie.
'So what's the deal?' asked Eduardo. 'Is it an underpants gnome?'
'Not exactly,' said Egon. 'It's a brownie.'
'I've read about brownies,' said Kylie. 'Aren't they supposed to be helpful house spirits?'
'Yes, they are,' said Egon. 'Hundreds of years ago, people used to believe in all kinds of good and evil spirits that inhabited domestic locations. From fairies making the beds to demons hiding up the chimney, these beliefs used to be very common. Brownies were supposed to be very helpful around the home.'
'Well, this one wasn't,' said Garrett. 'It was tearing the place apart!'
'Yes, I know,' said Egon. 'It's possible that the brownie you trapped is something of a renegade – a rebel, if you will – who was trying to make some kind of statement about the oppression of its kind by subverting the traditional role that it felt disinclined to follow.'
'Well if that's true, how come it started by doing all the housework properly?' asked Eduardo.
'Hey, yeah,' said Garrett. 'Why didn't it just jump straight to the mayhem?'
'Perhaps something happened in the house to change its mind,' Kylie suggested. 'Maybe Carl accidentally did something to cheese it off.'
'Yeah,' said Eduardo, 'that wouldn't surprise me.'
'We may never know exactly what happened,' said Egon, 'but at least we can be content in the knowledge that our job has been successfully completed.'
'You don't think there'll be any more rebel brownies then, Egon?' asked Kylie.
'No,' said Egon. 'I'll be very surprised if this doesn't turn out to be an isolated incident.'
At that moment, Janine entered the room with a small piece of notepaper in her hand.
'Action stations, guys, we've got another call,' she announced. 'Some hysterical woman says there's a poltergeist in her house, breaking dishes and hiding laundry. She claims she started finding that her housework had been done by some mysterious force about a week ago, but now it's started doing the opposite.'
Egon, Eduardo, Kylie and Garrett exchanged surprised and significant looks.
'Isolated incident, huh?' said Garrett.
'Clearly I need to do some more research into this phenomenon,' said Egon. 'I'll get to work on it straightaway.'
'Meanwhile, we'd better see if we can bag us another brownie,' said Garrett.
'I've got the details here,' said Janine, passing the notepaper to Kylie. 'Good luck.'
As Eduardo, Kylie and Garrett left the room, Janine came over to Egon's computer and leaned on the back of his chair.
'So... brownies, huh?' she said.
'Yes,' said Egon. 'I've got to find out if there's any record of brownies turning from helpful house spirits to unhelpful ones.'
'Interesting,' said Janine. 'You know, Egon, I've got some brownies of a different kind baking in the oven right now. I'll bring you some when they're done, shall I?'
'Thank you, Janine,' said Egon, his eyes remaining fixed on his computer screen. 'That would be very nice.'
Janine smiled slightly, then let out a small utterance of surprise as Slimer popped up next to her.
'I want brownies, Janine,' he said, fairly comprehensibly even to an untrained ear.
'Yes, Slimer, you can have some too,' said Janine. 'Come on, you can help me make the chocolate frosting.'
'Oh, boy!' said Slimer.
The Ecto-1 screeched to a halt outside a large town house and everyone jumped out. They strapped on their equipment and went to announce their arrival.
'Yes?' said the harangued face of a middle-aged woman as it peered around the front door.
'Ghostbusters, ma'am,' said Roland. 'We're here about the domestic disturbance.'
'Oh please, come in!' said the woman, almost dragging Roland across the threshold. 'I just don't know what to do! Something keeps on trashing my house, and my husband thinks I'm doing it! This morning he told me I'm lazy and sluggish!'
'Don't worry,' said Kylie, 'we'll take care of it.'
'We'll take care of your brownie problem, sure,' said Eduardo. 'You might want to think about getting someone else to take care of your husband, though.'
'Eduardo!' Kylie hissed.
'What?' Eduardo returned. 'The dude shouldn't speak to her like that.'
'Oh dear, did you say I've got a brownie problem?' asked the woman.
'We think so,' said Roland, 'but we'll have to take some readings to be sure.'
'I'm way ahead of you,' said Garrett, looking down at his flashing PKE meter. 'The readings are strong, and they match the ones from Beth's house.'
'That settles it, ma'am,' said Eduardo. 'You've got a rogue brownie.'
'Which we'll be more than happy to take off your hands,' said Roland. 'Kylie and Eduardo, you check upstairs. Garrett and I will sweep the lower level.'
