AN: 2011. I'm going to attach this to Tsuna but that doesn't mean that Tsuna is the boy I'm talking about. I'm pretty sure this has happen to someone before and could happen to anyone. So when you're reading, just imagine any one of your favorite characters. Thanks and enjoy!
Doubts
There it is again.
That feeling that this isn't perfect; this isn't how you wanted it to be.
Here you are, in his arms, and all you could feel was that certain feeling again.
That feeling that you two don't belong together.
That feeling that your 'like' isn't the same as his 'like'.
You forcibly push down your obvious emotion, only clear to yourself;
But only for those moments when you're with him.
[o]
The thought of that feeling is back.
You didn't want to remember it, but it came back.
The feeling that whispered in your ear and made you shivered.
"Tell him the truth,"
The voice persuaded and you can't ignore the feeling anymore.
You know it's there.
The fact that you don't really love him, the fact that you turn red only because this is your first time having a boyfriend, is clear to you.
You know that he could only be a friend, that it's impossible for you to love him the same way he loves you.
The thought of telling him "Don't fall in love with me," made your head ache.
And if he asks why, what has he done wrong, you imagined,
"I know that sooner or later I'm going to break up with you. I won't stay with you long. This is just a heads up so you'll know."
No!
Break ups don't occur that way, do they?
Or should you start the truth a different way?
Like…
I'm a monster.
You don't want me.
I'm a hideous fiend that only cares about herself and her needs.
I know my faults and I chose to stay this way.
I am monster that will hurt you later.
I know so much more than you that I don't want to taint you.
I tried to accept you for who you are and I did; but only to the extent of a friend.
I don't really know if it's possible for us in the future.
You're better off without me.
Don't try to win me back because you should know that I'm stubborn.
Maybe I'm leaving you because I have too much to hide.
Hiding so much you don't know,
All the faces of my horrible self.
Let's stop this.
You cling to me because you want to be with me.
Why don't I feel the same way?
Maybe it's proof that I don't have affection towards you.
I knew I should've told you sooner.
That after our first week together the feeling came.
I knew I should've told you that we wouldn't last,
That I am bound to leave in the future,
That you shouldn't fall for me,
That I will hurt you in some way.
So this is good bye.
Don't grieve.
Don't lament.
Forget about the times we had together,
Because surely hearing my confession is hurting you already.
I'm sorry.
…It sounds like break ups could start from any point.
Just listing them all is proof of how different our love is for each other is.
I'm wondering if I'm hurting you now
Because this is surely hurting me.
Mentally and emotionally.
[o]
I said it.
I finally said it.
Those atrocious words I've dreaded to voice are now on the loose.
Ha, I must sound so pathetic saying all of this,
But seriously,
Maybe it's time to move along,
Find new people and forget each other,
But forgetting isn't that simple if we can still remember those great times,
And now our relationship is horrible,
Broken,
Unfixable,
Split,
Shatter.
How am I going to fix this mess up awkwardness between us?
[o]
It's great to see you again after a year.
It's great to see that you've took my advice and moved on,
Not because you chose to but because you had no choice.
You couldn't keep having those feelings for me forever, right?
And me?
I'm doing great, same as before.
And when I saw you,
You changed dramatically.
But there was one thing that didn't change:
My doubtful suspicion of you still having feelings for me.
