AN: This is inspired by the GLORIOUS story Why Can't I Take The Ring After I Fight Artorias? So be prepared for metaphorical insanity. As well as literal insanity. Also, I'm working on the next chapter of Remnant The First Haunt. So no worries there my loyal shee- I mean fans… Yes, you saw nothing.
"I have no unique quote for this chapter, so here's a smile instead :)"
"Yaaaaaaaaaawn! Hm? I didn't fall asleep in… A… Graveyard…"
I blink a few times for effect.
"Oh my, this is very familiar. I wonder…"
I look down.
And sure enough I'm decked out iiiiiiiiin!
A blue Cleric outfit.
Wait, that's even more familiar. A Cleric.
I sigh "I blame Zelretch… And Sheogorath… They're probably working together."
I look up and decide…
Then and there…
That I…
Will…
…
Huh. I haven't thought that far yet. Let's just continue forth then. I'll figure it out as I go.
"Aaaah… Crushing puny mortals with a mighty mace is very cathartic. Sauron is a genius." I mumble with a blissful expression on my face and a splattered hollow crossbow man behind me.
I steel myself step through the fog wall.
I see an arena and an armoured figure kneeling in the centre with a coiled sword embedded in its chest.
As I approach I tighten the grip on my mace, preparing for a fearsome battle.
I prepare to yank out the sword when I realize something…
Hmm…
I approach Judex Gundyr and pull off his helmet and sure enough there is a hollowed head within.
I lift my mace and with al my might bring down my mace on his skull.
It was as easy as crushing a watermelon! Not that I'd know what that's like…
"Well that was anti climactic." I state.
I rip the blade from his chest and he falls, and I'm filled with many more souls.
And that's when I realize, the bodies don't disappear anymore… Huh.
I try to lift his halberd. It's difficult but I am still capable of it, barely, it's quite heavy.
"Hmmmm… Hmmmmm… Hmmm? Oh! I know!" I say as a vulpine grin appears on my face.
"Weeeeeeeeee!" Squish.
I lift the massive halberd once more and move to the next hollow, dropping it on him and crushing the poor bastard.
"Next!" I yell only to realize that was the last one.
I frown and start to walk towards the location of Katanabro.
As I arrive a thought crosses my mind and I try something as he begins to walk towards me.
I say in my best Oscar voice "You're no hollow, eh? Let's talk."
He halts, seems lost in thought briefly before he sheathes his sword and says "Speak then."
I grin and say "I am a prophet, I know what trials lie ahead, and I could use allies on this journey. You are skilled in swordplay, would you join me on my quest?"
He seems to think on it hard and finally asks "If you are a prophet, what is my name?"
I freeze, darn, I can't answer that.
"It is never explicitly stated, though you are known as Sword Master to most, and that name proves itself more than a few times, you are very good."
He raises an eyebrow with a laugh and smiles saying "Well, you're not a very good prophet then, nevertheless flattery will get you everywhere with me, so whether that's the truth, or you are lying, I'll humour you. For now you have my services prophet, I haven't anything better to do in any case. Make this enjoyable won't you?."
I fist pump and whisper "yes…"
I smile brightly and say "Great! I am Jay of Canada, Prophet of Sheogorath, The God of Madness, and it is wonderful to meet you!"
He gives me an amused look and sighs "at least it won't be boring…" He mutters.
"Well, I am Charles, Wandering Swordsman, it is… nice to meet you too." He greets in return.
I happily turn and march towards the entrance with Charles in tow.
Yes, yes… A new minion…
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
As we descend the steps to the Firekeeper I feign shock and declare, staring at the Firekeeper "By the gods! I never thought I would ever lay eyes on such a beautiful lady! Allow me to introduce myself to you milady, I am Jay, Prophet of Sheogorath, it is an honour to be in the presence of one a magnificent as you!"
I hear a snort behind me as I look at her, apparently she's not used to being flirted with because her face goes bright red at what I say.
Charles says "if you are a prophet wouldn't you already know what she looks like?"
I give him a look as if to say "seriously dude, I'm flirting here! Shut up!"
I look back at the Firekeeper to find she has regained control over herself and opens her mouth tell me the usual splurge.
I quickly interrupt with "you don't need to tell me what you would usually say, I am a prophet, I already know the whole thing about the Lords Of Cinder, the fact that you can power me up and the first flame. I got this, ok?"
She nods and turns away to sit on a step.
I look back at Charles and say "shall we explore?"
He nods and we set off!
Adventure awaits!
But first I gotta drop this halberd of at Andre. He can make better use of it than I.
