A/N: With hugs and kisses to AerynKat.


Tom was on the couch, cross-legged with a laptop nested against his legs and a cup of hot chocolate in his hands. He was wafting away the steam as he took sips, glancing at the script once in a while. He had just received it from the writers and wasn't quite thrilled about it sitting in his inbox. He was done with Harry Potter. What more could they want?

Before he could read past the settings and lighting, his doorbell rang just as he got a text. The message read, "Open up" and it was from Dan.

"It's open," Tom shouted out. A crash sounded as the door flew open, nearly causing Tom to upset the drink all over himself. "Whoa! Watch it," he said in alarm.

"Fuck, did you read the script?" Dan asked, skidding to a halt by the fireplace.

"Um… Just getting to it. What's wrong?"

"Don't read it. Don't sign on. Don't do anything!"

Tom looked utterly perplexed now. "Ar – aren't we contractually obligated to…" he trailed off at the look of murder in Dan's eyes. "Why?" he asked.

"It's a damned – I can't believe – ugh!" Dan growled in frustration, wrenching at his hair. Tom's curiosity was piqued and now he had to read this. He scrolled down midway frantically.


INT: Sixth floor, Room of Requirements – Night

Harry shifts away INVISIBILITY CLOAK. He faces the room. PAUSE with hand above handle. NIGHT SOUNDS. Door creaks open, light floods corridor. Silhouette shadow across Harry.

HARRY

I didn't know if I should have come
STAMMERS

Soft light on Draco. Pull into room by HAND. KISS.


"HOLY FUCK!" Tom yelled, snapping the laptop close and throwing it to the other end of the couch. His expression was not so much horrified as it was surprised amusement. "What just happened?" he asked, a stunned grin on his face.

"You think this is funny?" Dan asked furiously.

"Why the hell do I kiss you?"

Dan pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's the whole damned plot of the bloody story."

Tom was now chuckling behind his hand. "The plot of the story is for me to kiss you?" he asked shakily.

"Apparently so, yes."

"Are they on crack?"

"Seems like they were smoking something when they wrote it."

Tom heard a squeal of tires outside his house, since Dan hadn't even bothered to close the door. Rupert came stumbling in, script in hand. "Mother fucking wankers! What the hell is this?" he asked, throwing the script clear across the room.

"I'm sure it's a joke, you guys," Tom said reassuringly, worried about having two murderously angry men in his house.

"Piss ass joke this is!"

Tom rolled his eyes as he got up from his sofa and picked up the fallen script. He put his mug of hot chocolate down so he could flip through it. "Do you guys need a drink?"

"Yes," the men said in unison.

"Hmm…" Tom murmured, walking to his kitchen as he scanned the script.

"What the hell is going on?" Dan asked tiredly as he flopped onto the empty sofa.

"I have no bloody clue," Rupert answered.

"Do they really expect us to do this?"

"Of course not! Like Tom said, it's a joke."

"A joke that damned near gave me an aneurism," Dan muttered viciously.

"I'll help you kill whoever sent us that script."

"I think I have a fair –"

Dan was interrupted with a smash and tinkling of breaking glass, followed by a torrent of swears that could make anyone's ears bleed. He flicked his eyes at Rupert in shock. They scrambled up and ran into the kitchen.

Tom was staring at the script that was now on the kitchen floor atop shards of glass. He glanced up at Dan with bugged eyes. "We have sex…"

Dan staggered back just as Rupert held onto the counter to keep from falling over. "What?"

"We fuck!"

Rupert bent down unsteadily and picked up the nightmare that was lying nonchalantly on the floor. He turned green as he read the lines. "Oh gods," he murmured, swallowing thickly. "They left nothing to the imagination, did they?"

"No, no, no," Dan stuttered, nearly ripping the sheets from his friend's hand. "Oh. My. God." He looked at Tom with terror in his eyes.

The silence was broken as Rupert's phone rang. He dug it out of his jacket and stared at it. "Emma…" He answered it with a push of a button.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SCRIPT?"

Rupert shrugged helplessly as her screeching voice sounded through the phone and into the kitchen.

Dan's phone started vibrating too. He finally broke his gaze from Tom so he could answer his phone. "Hey," he said shakily.

"Dan! Did you read this amazing script?" Evanna asked.

Dan pounded his head against the wall, wanting to sob. "You have to be kidding me, Eva."

"It's like my dream come true! I am so excited to start production!"

Tom's home phone rang obnoxiously. He snatched it from its wall attachments and answered with an angry, "What do you want?"

All he heard was loud laughter and muffled snorts.

"What?" Tom nearly shouted.

"Did you get the script?" Alan asked.

"What the fuck is this shit?"

"They did!" Ralph's excited voice sounded from the background. Alan was laughing even louder now. "I have no idea, Tom!" he said enthusiastically.

"Yeah, laugh it up, why don't you? Did you know Dan and I have sex?"

The laughs stopped in an instant. Tom flinched and bit his tongue. He heard quick shuffling of papers on the other end. It started with a gasp, then a cough, then a snort, then a giggle, until finally it turned into maniacal laughter from both men.

"Shut the fuck up!" Tom shouted over the din as he slammed the phone against the receiver three times. Before he could scream in rage at the unassuming telephone, Dan was dragging him into the living room.

"You have to see this," he said as he pushed Tom into the sofa. Rupert was pacing the length of the drawing room, talking rapidly with Emma. Dan sat down on the coffee table and opened the laptop. He typed rapidly as Tom fidgeted with everything, the cushions, his hair, his shirt, his hands. Dan shoved the laptop onto Tom's lap. "Read."

"Fan fiction?"

"Read!"

"What's Drarry?"

"Fucking read it, Tom!"

"I am, I am," Tom said, scanning the small print on the screen. All he saw were Hogwarts, Quidditch, green eyes, grey eyes, blond hair, scar, hallway, Harry, Draco, kiss, sex…

"What the fuck?" Tom gasped, pushing the laptop away.

"It's everywhere! Evanna told me!"

"They want us to have sex?"

Dan shuddered. "Not us, you dumbass. Harry and Draco."

"Harry and – Drarry? How messed up – what in the world – imagine what Joanne –Christ…"

They stared at each other as the panic slowly dissipated. "Just a joke…" Dan muttered, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths.

"R – right, a joke," Tom said with relief that Dan was finally coming to his senses.

They stared at each other some more. Dan's eyes flicked to the laptop on Tom's lap. He looked back at Tom. Then back at the laptop.

"Wouldn't hurt to take a peek, right?" he asked uncertainly.

"Wouldn't hurt…" Tom said, nodding slowly.

"I mean, it's just fan fiction. Anyone can write fan fiction…"

"Right. Even crazies."

Dan got up and sat beside Tom. He clicked back button. The page moved to search results, over nineteen pages concerning Drarry. "You sure?" he asked, hovering the arrow over the first story on the list.

"No."

Dan pulled away and bit his lip. "We shouldn't…"

"But we could…"

"Right… We could…"

"What's the worst that could happen?"

"Right."

They stared at the screen, as though willing it to make the decision for them. After a minute, it was Tom who plucked up the courage and clicked.

Two hours and five stories later…

"Wow…"

"I know…"

"That was disgusting."

"I know."

"And incredible."

"I know."

Rupert was in shock, so didn't bother getting in a word edgewise.

Dan turned to Tom with shining eyes. "I think I'm in love with Draco now!"

Tom groaned and dropped his head back against the sofa. "And me with Harry. This can't be good…"