CHAPTER 1 - INTRODUCTION
Connor looked him right in the eye. In this moment, like he had a near-death experience, he could see his life flashing before him. But he only saw his time with Connor. The small talk they'd had on his first day at school, discussing the book "A Wrinkle In Time" by Madeleine L'Engle, Connor standing up for him when he got bullied for wearing nail polish, going to the batting cages, playing games, kissing in the tent on the school trip, crossing pinkies in the movie theatre, kissing on his bedroom floor, holding hands, going to prom, Jude saw it all in Connor's eyes as Jude awaited his verdict. Jude stared at Connor for a long time before he finally spoke.
"I don't think we should do it," Connor said.
"What? Why… why not?" Jude stammered.
"Because I can't stand the thought of you making that sacrifice for me," Connor replied.
"But… I'm willing to, really, I am!" Jude tried.
"Those last three words sound like you needed to reassure yourself, not me," Connor said, looking Jude deep in his eyes. Dang it, Jude thought, he reads me.
"That's not true!" Jude exclaimed.
"Jude, please, I'm willing to make any sacrifice for you, you know that, but I can't ask you to make this one for me. I wouldn't be able to live knowing that I made you make that sacrifice. So no, we shouldn't," Connor concluded.
"But…," Jude began, but was immediately interrupted by Connor.
"No Jude, we shouldn't do it. I know you'd be willing to, but I'm not," Connor shot at Jude.
Jude, overwhelmed and a little hurt by Connor's sudden aggressive tone of voice, lowered his voice to the soft, sweet voice he know Connor loved so much.
"But what about your dad? If he finds out…," Jude said.
"Jude, I'm not afraid of my father," Connor stated, but when Jude raised one eyebrow, he quickly added: "Okay maybe a little, but that won't stop me from wanting you!"
"Which is exactly why we should do this!" Jude exclaimed in frustration, not understanding why Connor would not want this.
"No, we shouldn't. I can't let you make that sacrifice. For your family's sake," Connor said.
Jude shot one more look at Connor, and he knew that even though Connor sometimes was a real dork, he always took care of Jude, and Jude knew that in this occasion, Connor was right. He didn't see Connor as a dork right now, but as a wise old man, knowing what was best for them both. But Jude was right about one thing: Connor wasn't safe. Connor often got abused at home, and he was too afraid to tell anyone but Jude. Jude had always been there for Connor, and he was the only person Connor really trusted. His parents were divorced and his father had won his suit for custody over Connor. He hardly ever saw his mother anymore. His father, Adam, was abusive. Adam was brawny, fierce man who always made use of any possibility to use his fists. Adam was not afraid of a brawl, especially not when it ended in fighting. He knew he'd always win. And he did. At home, he often practised his skills on Connor, much to Connor's and Jude's dismay. They both felt helpless, as Jude had experienced an abusive foster father, and so knew in which situation Connor was. He knew that Connor didn't want anybody to know, even though it was obvious, as Connor would always have new bruises when he came back to school. Each day, Jude could spot which were the fresh bruises. Jude understood Connor's fear. Adam had once said that if Connor would blab about this at school or to anybody else, he would beat up Connor so badly that he wouldn't be able to do anything anymore for a long time. Jude understood why Connor didn't want to go to the board of the school. The board already kept an eye on Connor, without him knowing it, as they were already aware that something wasn't right, but Connor never came to them and denied it if they asked him questions, so there was nothing they could do. Lena (who was the vice-principal of the school, and also happened to be Jude's adoptive mother) had asked Jude about it a few times, but each time Jude lied to her and said that he didn't know what was going on.
But maybe Connor was right. Maybe they shouldn't do this. This plan would mean that Connor would be away from his abusive father, and finally be free, but it also meant that he'd have to take Jude with him, ripping Jude from his family, who only recently had adopted him. Jude finally found his forever family, and Connor was reluctant to let Jude leave that behind, as Connor knew that Jude had been hoping and wanting to have a forever family. Now that Jude had found it, Connor would not be able to live with the thought that Jude would have to sacrifice his family to be with him. Their plan was solid. Either they'd run away together, leaving everything and everyone behind, and find their luck elsewhere, somewhere safe and good. This would bring about a lot of problems, as they'd have to find a place suitable for two 14 year-olds, and they would have to have a job to support them, which was hard as neither of them had an ID. The alternative to this plan was to stay. Both of them. There was no way that only Connor would run away and Jude would stay behind. The whole idea behind this plan was that Jude and Connor could finally be together without any problems.
Jude and Connor were gay. They were in a relationship that was half secret. The Adams-Foster family (Jude's adoptive family) knew about them being together, and were totally fine with it, as Lena had a wife, named Stef, so homosexuality was not entirely new in the family. Adam Stevens, on the other hand, was a total different case. Not only did Connor not dare to tell his dad, scared to be used as a punching bag again, but also, his father had threatened him that if Connor knew any gay kids, and didn't beat them up, Adam would beat him up. Connor, being gay himself, was anxious to tell his dad, as he knew that his father would not support him, and that he would be out on the streets in less than a second after he told it. He knew that if his father would abandon him, that would mean he wouldn't ever have to live with him again, but it would also mean the worst beating of his life, and he would never be prepared for that.
Jude realized the enormous sacrifice that Connor made, just for him, and it made Jude anxious. It made him anxious to see Connor being beaten up every day, with the knowledge that Connor could have escaped it. He thought of Connor as brave. There was no better way to describe it. Connor was brave. Jude had never admired anyone else as much as he admired Connor. Connor had basically said that he'd go through hell to be with Jude, as life in the Stevens' house was hell for Connor. Connor often came over to the Adams-Foster house, and saw them like the family he didn't have at home. Stef and Lena also treated him like a son, even though they knew nothing about his situation at home. Of course, they had their concerns about his bruises, but they could only speculate about them, because they didn't get a clear answer from either Connor or Jude. Connor lied to his father about the Adams-Foster family. Connor had said they are a husband and wife. He knew that if he had said that they were a lesbian couple, he would not be allowed to even be near Jude again.
"You're absolutely sure, aren't you?" Jude asked one more time.
"Yes," Connor answered, "I'm absolutely sure".
"Thank you, thank you so much for not letting me leave my new family. I know that you pay a huge price for it, and if I could, I would share it with you. No, I would take it all. I would take all of your dad's beatings," Jude said. Connor kept silent, not knowing what to say. He didn't want Jude to take the beatings, but also, he didn't want to get into that discussion again, as they'd already had it a few times before. Connor stood up and gestured for Jude to do the same. Jude did and they stood opposite of each other. They stood close together, their hands holding each other's. Jude looked Connor directly in the eye, and Connor looked back.
"I love you so much," Connor said, not breaking the eye contact.
"And I don't love you any less," Jude said, a smile forming on his face.
"But I can't stand the thought of you leaving your family, so I promise to take anything my father gives me, in order to be with you," Connor said, and Jude could see fear in his eyes while he did.
"I know you are willing to make that sacrifice, and I know that you want me to be safe, but I want you to be safe too," Jude said, not being able to hold back his tears.
"I'm not safe, you know that as well as I do. I'll never be safe with my dad around. But that's not holding me back. I love you, Jude Jacob Adams Foster," Connor said, his voice soothing to comfort Jude.
"I know you do," Jude sobbed.
Connor kissed Jude on his lips, and as usual, they both lost track of time. Whenever they kissed, it seemed like time stopped and it was just them. They kissed quite often, but every kiss was special in its own way. This kiss was special because it was loving, comforting, fearful and wet all at once.
When they broke it, they looked around to see if anyone had seen them. They were at their school, Anchor Beach, because they couldn't talk about this in either of the two houses, as their parents would overhear them. So they met in secret, in the middle of the night. They'd both snuck out and came here solely to discuss the idea of running away together, and if they would have decided to do so, they'd have done it tonight, so both boys had brought their bags and stuffed it with food and other useful material. It wasn't needed, so they'd both have to put everything back before anybody noticed it was ever gone.
"We should go home," Connor said, and Jude noticed that his voice broke at the word 'home'.
"Yeah we should, it's 2AM, time to get some sleep because we have to wake up early this morning! You haven't forgotten it, have you?" Jude replied.
"Of course not, how could I? " Connor said, smirking.
"Good, I'll see you in a few hours then!"
"See you in a few hours, Jude!"
Jude watched Connor getting on his bike and riding away into the darkness. He himself leaned against a tree, tears still streaming down his face as he realized just how big a sacrifice his boyfriend was willing to make for him. It made him feel awful, but proud at the same time. Proud of Connor, who managed to keep his scores up at school, even though his situation at home was not the optimal climate for studying, but proud of himself too, for finding someone who believes Jude is worth all this pain. Not only physical pain from the bruises, but the emotional and mental pain from getting abused by the person who should love and protect him. Jude strongly felt that Connor was the one for him. No other boy had ever made such a big decision for Jude, and surely not a decision which protected Jude and put himself in a worse situation for him.
After his tears had stopped flowing and he regained control over his body again, he also walked over to his bike and rode away. He only lived a quarter of an hour riding from his school, so it wouldn't take long before he saw the front porch of the house he called home. All the lights were off, which was in Jude's favour, as he'd have to snuck back in. He parked his bike on his usual spot, where nobody would ever guess it had been gone, and entered the house via the kitchen door. It was quiet in the house, so Jude was aware of every step he took and he made sure that he was as quiet as possible. He put back all the food and material he had taken when he snuck out, and then made his way upstairs, carefully counting steps and skipping the third, ninth and twelfth step, as these were the ones that creaked. He crossed the hallway and entered his room. When he close the door behind him, he heard a sound and he froze. Upon concluding that it was just Jesus making noises in his sleep, Jude took off his shirt and trousers and pulled on his pyjamas. He lied down in bed and almost immediately fell asleep.
Authors note:
I do not own any characters or anything recognizable.
I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, I got some more waiting for you! Let me know what you think via a message on here, or use my askbox on tumblr: always-jonnor-love-.-tumblr-.-com-/-ask(Without the dashes, but otherwise this site wouldn't let me post it).
Please let me know what you think, your opinion means a great deal to me!
