Author's Note: Part of my Narnian Character Challenge Susan.
So it's Christmas time, so of course I needed to write a Christmas story. I don't know why it ended up being such a sad Christmas story, though. Just the way it turned out, I guess. I almost had tears in my eyes as I was writing it. And in case you don't guess, it's a Susan-after-Narnia story. Also, in case you're wondering, the song they're singing is God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen. Merry Christmas!
All around her, people sang songs of glory, praising the birth of the Saviour. Her family sang too, her siblings especially giving themselves up to the joy of the holiday.
Susan didn't feel very Christmassy.
It wasn't that she didn't enjoy Christmas – she did. And it wasn't that she wasn't excited – she was. But there is a difference between feeling excited for Christmas, and feeling the true Christmas spirit – the joy, awe and wonder at the birth of the One and Only – and Susan just didn't have it.
Year after year it had been the same. It seemed that ever since the war, Christmas hadn't felt right. Something was missing. Whenever Susan thought back to those Christmases when she was a child, she remembered baking cookies, decorating the trees – the same things her family did now, and yet, they had a different feeling about them. A … Christmassy feeling.
And then, if Susan thought back, not so much to a different time as to a different place – and she didn't even admit to herself of thinking of this, for other worlds cannot exist beside our own – she would remember other Christmases, shared with family and friends, and that, too, had that Christmas spirit.
So what was it? What gave Christmas that special feeling that makes one wish everyday was so special? What was it that gave Christmas that extra spark?
The words of the carol flowed around her as if whispering the answer.
…Remember Christ our Saviour,
Was born on Christmas day,
To save us all from Satan's power,
When we were gone astray…
'Christ our Saviour,' Susan thought as the music swelled around her. Maybe that's it.
For a brief moment, Susan felt that slight spark light up her heart, and she sang with as much emotion as the rest of her family.
…Now to the Lord sing praises,
All you within this place,
And with true love and brother hood,
Each other now embrace…
The song ended, and Susan sat down with the rest of her family, heart full, for the first time in many, many years, with peace. She half-listened to the words of the sermon, marvelling at the light-heartedness she now felt.
Rejoice! cried the preacher, for the child we celebrate tonight is the Lion of Judah!
An image sprang into Susan's head unbidden – a lion, a glorious lion. Daughter of Eve, He said mournfully, come back to me.
She started violently. "No," she whispered forcefully, and pushed the image from her mind.
"Susan?"
It was Lucy, looking up at her sister with concern, and something else – hope, perhaps?
Susan shook her head stiffly. "It's nothing," she said coldly, turning her attention back to the service.
The feeling was gone. Maybe she had never even felt it. Maybe the feeling in those memories wasn't there, was just her imagination, hoping for something where there was nothing. Whatever it was, she hadn't felt it. There was nothing special about this day in comparison to others. All it was was just one more Christmas, one more meaningless celebration of nothing.
