Looking In

Looking In

By Light Catastrophe

Part One

Rating: T

Pairings: SasuNaru, slight KakaIru

Warnings: yaoi, slash, vague homosexual sex, mpreg, angst

Disclaimer: Maybe in some way I am distantly related to the creator of Naruto. But I doubt it so please don't sue me. I only own the messed up plotline for this story.

Edit: I've gone through this story and edited all the small typos and added in small details. Enjoy.

Naruto's point of view

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It was a dark and stormy night. Yes, I know, a most cliché way to begin a story, but that is really how it began. That night was the night my life began – and so did the life of another. But let's start at the beginning.

I was an ordinary kid. Okay, well, I was as normal as I could be figuring that I was the city's outcast. It had something to do with my mom. Supposedly, she went crazy and killed a bunch of people. I don't really know. I wasn't there. The town's people didn't care though. They blamed me just because I have her blood.

For as long as I could remember, I had always been alone. I mean, Iruka was there. He had pretty much raised me after my mom disappeared. But I felt like an obligation. No one deserves to feel that way. So, one night when he was out, I wrote a note and left.

The streets became my home. I honestly don't know how long I was out there. I froze - to a point near death - every night. Even the hobos refused to share their fire with me. No one wanted anything to do with me. I scrounged for food. Sometimes, in order to keep myself from starving, I stole, even though it went against everything good I had ever been taught. One day when I walked by a store window, I stared at my reflection. It was like looking at someone I had only just seen for the first time. My hair was halfway down my back and uncut, a dirty blonde color, instead of the golden blonde it used to be. My clothes, tattered and worn, were now about five sizes too big. And my eyes... their vibrant blue color was now a hazy grey.

That night, I have no idea how I ended up in front of his house. The sky was weeping. Maybe it was trying to tell me something. Rain beat on me in heavy torrents, making me shiver, but I didn't care - it was the first shower I'd had in weeks.

Suddenly, music filled my ears - beautiful music that made me want to sob and laugh at the same time. I was floating on a cloud of emotions. Emotions. I was feeling something.

My feet moved forward on their own accord, eager to hear more. I can't exactly say that my mind was really protesting all that much, though. I wanted to see what kind of god could be making such beautiful music. Nose pressed up to the glass, trying to see as much as I could through the water streaming down window, I could just make out the hazy outline of someone's back and their hair, which stuck out in the back like a duck's. That thought made me laugh.

Then the music stopped and he turned toward me. I knew exactly who he was. Sasuke Uchiha. Child prodigy. Even I knew that. Rumor has it that he started playing piano even before he could talk. He had an older brother who murdered his entire family. Despite what people said about him being stand-off-ish (which he had every right to be), thousands of people traveled to see him in concert every year. I had never been to one, but his face was everywhere: tabloids, books, TV. But apparently, no one knew where he lived. Ha.

He was walking towards me. I knew I should run, but my damned feet refused to move. His hands would have been pressed up against mine were it not for the pane of glass separating us. Abruptly, the window opened and I was sent sprawling across his floor.

"What are you doing?"

I answered that I had no idea. He nodded, shutting the window and went back to the huge grand piano. For some reason, there, sitting, dripping water all over his carpet, I was more scared than I ever had been in all of my life. I wasn't scared because I was in the house of a complete stranger, nor was I afraid of him. No, I was afraid that he would recognize me and throw me out of his house.

He didn't, though. He just started playing again. I wondered if he knew the effect he had on people. He probably did. He looked like one of those egotistical kinds of people. I stared at him while he played. It then occurred to me that he wasn't playing the music.

He was the music.

And then he stopped, got up and stalked out of the room. I wasn't quite sure what to do. He hadn't told me to leave, but I got up and followed. He was in the kitchen, apparently trying to cook something, and, if I do say so myself, failing horribly. I giggled and he turned to look at me with something akin to... a death glare. "You think you can do better?"

"Of course," was my curt reply. I left out the fact that I could only cook ramen. When I did have "normal" food, it was the only thing I felt like eating.

He told me to go right ahead. I set to work, but he still just stood there with a smirk on his face. "How old are you?" he asked. I said that I was eighteen and he laughed, saying that I didn't look a day over twelve. I glared at him, threatening him with a spoon. "You're cute when you're angry," and with that, he traipsed out of the room like he was King of the World.

The house was huge. It took me an eternity to find him after the ramen was ready. He was sitting in front of a computer, a severe expression on his face, biting his lip. I fought back a laugh and told him it was ready.

My ramen was gone before he even had the chance to take a bite. He asked when I had last eaten a decent meal. I said I couldn't remember. A series of questions ensued: How long had I been homeless? Did I have parents? Did I have a place to stay? I don't know. No. No. Then he asked another question. What is your name? I sighed. "I can't tell you." If I told him, he'd kick me out for sure.

To my surprise, he let it go. "Do you want to stay with me? I have a multitude of bedrooms. At least for tonight? It's still pouring outside."

I nodded, though I was still trying to figure out why he was being so nice. Maybe he was just lonely.

He led me through the house and upstairs to a large spare bedroom. He looked at me, eyeing my clothes, and asked if I would want anything else to wear. While I didn't feel like intruding further, I also didn't want to crawl into that lovely bed with my rags on. A minute or two later, he came back and handed me a pair of silk pajamas, underwear, and an outfit for the next day. After he left, I slipped on the pajamas, reveling in the feel of the smooth fabric against my skin. I soon fell asleep in the too-comfortable bed.

It was after midnight according to the clock that sat on the bedside table when I heard a faint squeak in the floor, causing me to bolt upright. I stared into his face, rubbing sleep from my eyes. "Sasuke?" It was the first time I said his name, but he didn't even question it. Instead, he pressed his lips hungrily against mine, pushing me back onto the bed. My eyes widened. I didn't know what he was doing. Was he sleep walking? He pulled back, the look in his eyes telling me that he was very much awake. I gulped.

"Please," he breathed out. "I don't know what you did to me, but I need you."

Somehow, I knew exactly what he was talking about. So, I nodded and my lips were once again his.

I remember everything about that night: every kiss, every touch, every breath. I was scared. I had never done anything like this before. It was my first; he was my first. But I wouldn't have had it any other way.

When he plunged deep inside of me, I screamed in agony, then in pleasure. Each thrust hit my sweet spot, bringing me closer and closer to the edge of insanity; to the edge of heaven. When he came inside of me, I felt more complete than I ever had before.

I woke slowly the next morning. It always took me forever to wake up. He asked me the question before my mind was functioning properly. "What's your name?"

"Naruto."

The covers were yanked off, exposing my naked body to the cold, and the glare of a very angry Uchiha. "I knew I recognized you from somewhere!" he yelled. "You are nothing but a stupid whore! You used me! Get the hell out of my house!"

Tears pooled around my eyes and streamed down my face. As I pulled on the clothes nearest to me (which were the clothes he had given me the night before), I refrained from telling him so much. Like, the fact that he was my first. I had willingly given him my virginity and he had shoved it back into my face. I didn't remind him that he was the one who had dragged me into his house and came to me in the middle of the night.

It wasn't supposed to hurt this badly. Why was my heart breaking? I should have known this was going to happen. I should have known. I wanted him to be different. I wanted him to find out that I wasn't what everyone said I was. But no, instead he turned out to be just like everyone else.

As I ran from the mansion, a sharp pain in my backside, a sad song flowed from within the depths of the house.

I couldn't stop the tears.

The next two months on the streets were the worst I ever spent. Every time I saw his picture, I would momentarily stop breathing and my heart would speed up. I couldn't understand. Why did I feel this way about someone like him; someone who broke me so completely?

Then I started throwing up every morning, but I was better by noon or so. What was happening? Finally, after weeks of this, I gave in and went to one of those crisis clinics. Luckily for me, no one seemed to notice and/or recognize me. Naruto had disappeared from the face of the Earth. Who was I? I was nobody. I was invisible. I was scared to death.

After what seemed close to forever, the nurse called out the name I'd given her (an alias, just to be safe). There was a nurse already sitting in the room where I was supposed to go. She smiled and asked a few questions. I told her I woke with cramps and nausea every morning. She poked and prodded around, mostly around my mid-section. Biting her lip, she left the room in search of the doctor.

The doctor who came back was a slender, pretty, middle-aged lady. She looked over the page the nurse had filled out, and then took her turn at poking and prodding. "Will you run and get me a pregnancy test?" she asked the nurse. She nodded and walked off.

"Pregnancy test?" I asked, astounded. The doctor nodded. "What? How? I'm a guy." I felt tears coming.

"I don't know. And it's not for certain. I'm just checking." The nurse came back a moment later and placed something in the doctor's hand who in turn placed it in mine. "Just follow the directions on the box. I'll be back in a few minutes."

Uncertainly, I read the instructions and did as directed. It was rather uncomfortable.

True to her word, the doctor came back and snatched the test from my hands. A look came across her face and I felt tears begin to cloud my vision. "I hate to tell you this, but... you're pregnant." My entire body was wracked with sobs. She walked over and enclosed me in a tight embrace. "Do you know anyone who would know how this could happen?"

I searched my mind. Someone. Anyone... Iruka. I managed to nod and say that yes, I did. Then I asked if there was any way the test could be wrong. "Yes, but I doubt it is."

She bid me goodbye and I made my way out of the clinic. I tried to slow my tears so I didn't look like shit when I arrived at Iruka's. No such luck.

I knew it wasn't right to be coming back there - after all, I had left - but I had nowhere else to go and I had to talk with him.

Rapping lightly on the door, I wiped away my tears, and waited. After a minute or so, he opened the door. I think it took him a moment to realize who I was. "Naruto?" He pulled me into his arms before I even had the chance to nod. Words spilled from his lips. "Where have you been? I thought you were dead! What happened? Oh, never mind. Come in."

He dragged me into the house and plopped me down in a chair at the kitchen table where I broke down and told him I was sorry; I had run away because I didn't want to be a burden to him. He reached over the table, touched my arm, and said it was alright. It didn't matter. I was back now. Then he asked me what was wrong.

"I'm pregnant," I managed to choke out.

His eyes widened (I can still remember the expression on his face) and for a moment, he said nothing. Then, "Your mother wasn't exactly human." I knew the rumors: people said she was possessed by something. Maybe that was truer than I thought. "She might have passed some of her... traits onto you."

I moped around his house for a couple of days before he cornered me, shoved money in my hands, and told me to go buy some clothes before I showed too much. I replied that I couldn't go. People would know me. He said that the town believed I was dead and that if he barely recognized me, no one else would. Besides, I could come across as a girl if I wanted to.

He helped me wash up and braided my long hair before shoving me out the door.

I spent the day shopping and when I came home, I was exhausted. I sat down at the table where he placed a plate with a lot of green things in front of me. "No more ramen. It's not good for the baby." I groaned. How could I live without ramen?

Slowly, but surely, I began to forget Sasuke. Well, not forget exactly, but I realized that he wasn't coming back. I learned to deal, no matter how much it hurt. And it hurt a lot. I was starting to figure out that maybe the reason it hurt that way whenever I saw his face on the media was because maybe, just maybe, I fell in love with him that night. There was no other explanation. I don't know how, but it happened. He broke my heart. And, despite the love I felt for him, I would have to raise this baby on my own.

Shortly after I started living with Iruka again, I started to show. It was an odd feeling to be filled with another life, but I loved it, even if it did give me cramps, hurt my feet, and gave me very strange cravings.

I went into town almost every day, despite my obvious condition. Iruka had been right: no one seemed to recognize me.

It was a sunny day in my sixth month. I was searching for clothes that would fit me in a clearance rack on the sidewalk outside a maternity store. The voice came from behind me. I had never forgotten the sweet sound of that voice. He wore sunglasses, a hat, and a sweatshirt, probably to hide from the mob. He was talking to someone else: a short, red-haired kid. I looked down at their hands, which were tightly entwined together, and a single tear dripped from my face. Suddenly, he looked up and I know he saw me. "Naruto?" I dropped what I was holding and ran - or rather, waddled, - away as fast as I could. By the tears dripping from my face, I could tell I wasn't as over him as I thought I was.

I hate to admit it, but every part of me wanted him to run after me. But he didn't. How stupid of me. He probably never even thought of me after that night. He had a boyfriend now.

I contemplated killing myself. I even went so far as to hold a knife to my throat before I realized it wouldn't be just me I was killing.

Iruka came home late that night. He had someone else behind him. "Naruto?" he asked, most likely looking at my red eyes and tear-splotched face. "Naruto, what happened?" he came over and wrapped me up in his arms.

"I-I saw him," I sobbed.

He looked up at the other man and said, "Maybe you should go, Kakashi. I'll call you tomorrow."

Even though I had been staying with him for four months, I still hadn't told Iruka who the father was. He never asked. Must have figured it was none of his business. He asked me who I saw.

"Sasuke."

"Sasuke? Maybe you should tell me what happened."

I don't know what exactly he was asking for, but I told him everything. Through the entire thing, he didn't say a word and I was glad. I might have stopped if he had.

He remained silent for a few minutes after I finished as though trying to think of something to say. "He called you a whore?" I nodded. He contemplated some more. "You should go to bed, Naruto. You've had a long day."

I got up, but suddenly remembered something. "Who was that guy?"

Iruka gave me this huge grin that seemed to light up his whole face. "That's Kakashi. He's my boyfriend."

Somewhere, through all my happiness for him, I felt a pang of jealousy.

For the next few weeks, I didn't step foot outside the house - partly because my feet hurt, mostly because I didn't want to see him again. Then, one day when Iruka was at work, I heard a persistent banging on the door. Annoyed, I dragged myself off the recliner and opened the door. Big mistake. There, standing in all his glory, was Sasuke Uchiha.

I slammed the door in his face.

The banging continued and so did the yells of "Naruto, open the goddamn door!"

"NO, go away! I don't want to talk to you. Ever. So just leave!" But he wouldn't. I opened the door just simply because he was giving me a migraine. "What?!" I snapped.

"I want to know why you were shopping at a maternity store." Blunt, wasn't he?

I looked down to my swollen belly and felt hot tears fall from my eyes. I asked him in a voice just above a whisper if he would just please go away.

Lifting my chin, he held my gaze. "No." And then his eyes drifted downward to where mine had just been. "So why were you?"

I slapped his hand away. My voice was loud again this time. "Because I'm pregnant! With your child. Do I have to spell it out for you? P-r-e-g-n-a-n-t. Now just leave. You've hurt me enough as it is." He shook his head. "Listen! I don't know how you found me, but I don't need you and I sure as hell don't need your pity!"

He told me it was Iruka. Iruka had tracked him down and said to come find me.

Right then, I hated everything: Sasuke, Iruka, the townspeople, my mother. I hated them all. I wanted to leave and never come back. How could Iruka do that to me?

"Leave!" I screamed.

"I thought about you every day, Naruto. I'm sorry I said all those horrible things-"

"Lies!" I interrupted. "I don't want to hear them. Go back to your boyfriend!" I hissed. "Besides I'm nothing but a stupid whore!" I slammed the door again. This time there was no more banging.

That night I packed my things in a duffle bag and made my way to the bus station. I was leaving, going somewhere, anywhere, but where I was. I left on the first bus to leave the station, not even knowing my destination.

"Where are you going?" asked the lady next to me, arousing me from the state of half-sleep I found myself in. I told her I didn't know. I was just getting away. "A nice young boy have to run away when he's expecting? What a shame."

I stared at her wide-eyed as I realized what she had just said. She knew I was boy. She knew I was pregnant. "Um..."

"Why don't you come stay with me and my grand-daughter? I'm just on my way back home."

"That would be imposing. I'm sorry, but I can't do that to you. Sorry."

"Nonsense," she scoffed. "You would just end up on the streets or in some shelter. Besides we need a change around the house. If you won't do it for yourself, at least think of your baby." Realizing she wouldn't let it go, I gave in. She smiled and told me to get some rest. We wouldn't be arriving till late afternoon the next day.

I woke to the feeling of my baby kicking. It hurt like hell, but I clenched my teeth to keep from making a noise. The lady opened her eyes and gave me a worried look. She asked me if I was alright. "Yes," I replied. "He's kicking." Call it motherly instinct or whatever you want, but somehow I just knew that my baby was a boy.

"It's the most amazing feeling in the world to have a life within you."

I couldn't argue. In spite of the fact that I had been hurt, I felt more alive than I ever had before in my life. "I don't know your name."

"Katherine," she said. "What's yours?"

I almost lied to her. Almost. The last time I told someone my name, they had turned their back to me and almost killed me from a broken heart. "Naruto." I turned my gaze to outside, pressing my face against the glass. It was raining outside in the dark. With a sharp pain in my chest, I pulled back, sighing. She asked if I wanted to talk about it. I didn't really, but I did anyways. "It was all a mistake. I lived on the streets and I came across his house, drawn in by the beautiful music. He found me, pulled me inside. One thing led to another and we ended up having..." I bit back a sob. "In the morning, he asked me my name. Without thinking, I told him. He called me a whore and kicked me out of his house. I found out sometime later that I was pregnant."

She wrapped her arms around me and held me close as I started shaking horribly. The first thing that came to her mind was the same as the first thing that had come to Iruka's. "He called you a whore?"

"I wasn't! I swear! I-I gave him my virginity." She nodded and I drifted back off into sleep.

When I woke again, the sun was out and the rain had disappeared. I rubbed my eyes and looked to Katherine. I asked her where we were and she told me we'd be in her town in two hours. "Why did he freak out when you told him your name?" she asked.

I freaked out. I didn't know what to do. Would she hate me too if she found out? "I'm not exactly popular in my town. My mom... she killed a lot of people. I get blamed."

She nodded and that was that.

A few hours later we were dropped off at a bus station outside a small country town. It was picture perfect. Exactly the place I had always wanted to live. Katherine said she usually just walked home (certainly, the town was small enough, you could walk just about anywhere), but since I was along, she would call her grand-daughter. Sometime later a loud, old truck pulled up and a girl with short, cropped, dyed-pink hair hopped out. She bounced up to me and held out her hand. "I'm Sakura. What's your name?"

The time I spent with the two of them was wonderful. Their town was much smaller than mine and I came to know most of its inhabitants. None of them seemed to care one little bit that I was a boy and pregnant. It was like they thought they had seen it all. Or they hadn't seen enough. Depends on how you look at it. I decided that after I had my baby, I would stay in the town, get a job, and find my own place to live. I didn't want my boy to grow up like I did. I presented the idea to Katherine and Sakura one evening and they stated dancing and laughing. When they finally calmed down enough, the two said it was a brilliant idea, but they would love it if I would still live with them. Once again, I gave in (how can two girls affect me so?), but still insisted on getting a job. This thrilled Sakura because she would get to baby-sit.

I was due any day. Sakura and I were sitting on the couch, watching TV. My feet were propped up because of my swollen ankles. A commercial came on. It was an ad for Sasuke's upcoming concert. She squealed with delight ("Isn't he dreamy?") and I paled, my stomach going in knots. The baby kicked and I cringed. He knew who his father was. Somehow. "Are you alright, Naru-chan?" Sakura asked, worriedly. Katherine gave me a knowing look from the kitchen.

That night I had my first contraction. I doubled over when getting into my pajamas and screamed for help. Katherine ran to my aid and told Sakura to call for the doctor. The town wasn't big enough for a hospital, but they had a doctor who had agreed to help. Sakura came back with a damp rag which she placed on my forehead. I leaned back against the pillows of the bed Katherine had placed me on. (She could pick me up. Amazing. I still weighed less than her even when pregnant.)

I wondered what Sasuke was doing.

I don't remember much of what happened after the doctor arrived. I was in a haze of drugs and pain. I had never been through anything that painful in my entire life.

Hours and hours, maybe days, later, it was finally over. My mind barely had time to process that I had "a beautiful baby boy" (mother's instinct?) before falling into an exhausted sleep.

According to Sakura, I woke up two days after giving birth. Limping into the kitchen, I found Katherine holding my son delicately and feeding him with a bottle. She looked up at me and smiled, asking if I wanted to hold him.

The first time I held him, I was afraid I was going to break him. He was so small and... beautiful. I don't know how else to describe it. He had his father's dark hair and his eyes were the bright blue that mine had once been. I started crying.

"Do you have a name for him?" she asked. I had never really thought about it.

He reminded me of everything good and beautiful in the world: the sky and the ocean, the smell of flowers on a new spring day, music, heaven, sunsets, and so much more. What could possibly fit all of that? Destiny.

"Destin."

"As in 'Destiny'?" Katherine asked. I nodded. "It's perfect."

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Babblings: So there is the first half. I'd love it if you would review! Thank you!