AN: this is what kind what i think Jake is thinking when hes running away at the end of eclipse.

Why? Why can't she love me? Why did he have to come back? Why can't I be happy too? She thinks she was the only one healed by our friendship, but that's not true. She healed me too. I thought I was doomed when I found out I was a werewolf, but she made me feel normal again. Seeing her… was like seeing the sun rise, like a cool glass of water when you've been stranded in the desert.

Why? I want her to be happy, I do, but why can't she be happy with me? She was happy; we healed each other when he left. We were friends and we could have been so much more. We could have been great together. Our love would have been unbelievably easy. Our love would have been like breathing. We would have been happy, and she could have stayed just the way she was, she would never have to change to be with me. She could have had a normal life, she could have had children. We could have grown old together, and have grandchildren…

I can't stay here, I just can't. I have to get away, away from all the memories of her. La Plush is like hell to me, I constant reminder of what was. Of the love we were destined to share. My house were we would just sit and watch movies and TV together, the garage were we spent so many afternoons working on our bikes. I can still hear her laughter… I can still see her smile… why? Why? WHY? Why wouldn't she just love me!? What's wrong with me?

I was in love with her the moment I saw her… she was beautiful… the sun shining off her silky chocolate brown hair, her fair skin, she looked to frail, so beautiful... then she walked over to me and she gave me that look. She looked up from under her lashes and gave me a sexy little smile… I was completely dazzled. i swear my heart stopped and time froze for just a moment. She took my breath away. And the look in those deep beautiful brown eyes, she's all I have thought about sense.

Why couldn't she just stop for two seconds and realize she loved me? Why did she have to run off and save him? He left her! He left her and she broke. I fixed her, I made her feel again! I made her smile again! I made her happy! WHY!? Why did she leave me, why was she so stuck on our friendship, why wouldn't she let her self love me!? Why are there no answers?

It hurt so much! This pain is crippling! Death is surly better than this; than this life without her! All I feel is pain. I cant breath, I'm drowning in sorrow! And no one will help me, no that's not it, no one can help me. She's the only one who can save me, and she doesn't even care about me anymore. All she cares about is him! Her precious Edward.

She was so hurt and broken when he left her… I fixed her! Dose that mean nothing to her!? I love her too! I loved her enough to let her go! I love her more than he dose. But he was willing to give her up too, if she wanted it. She doesn't want me. She never did… and she never will… Why? I have so many questions… and no answers.

This is why I run. This is way I choose this form, the beast within. The pain is too great, I may not be able to have her, but that doesn't mean I can't still watch over her. My love it too strong to give up on her; too strong to never see her again. So I run, run to her, to be her guardian for all eternity. That is how much I love her. I will give up everything, just to see her. To watch her.

I here the distant cries of my pack as they say goodbye. I hear the please of my friends calling, begging me to come back. But I can not, my heart cries to her, and her alone. She has chosen her path, and I have chosen mine.

AN: please R&R!! this is my first try at a fanfic, so please be gentle.