Disclaimer: This is a transformative work of fiction based on the original creation by E. Kripke – no profit is being made... it just makes me happy...

A/N: Spoilers for 6.02

A/N2: Should it be a warning that I like Lisa?


Baby You Can Drive My Car

Dean begins to hope he can have it all. Maybe not all, but enough to make him whole in a way he's only just beginning to realize he's never been.

It takes a second for what she's said to sink in, and he feels his knees go weak again. He's barely recovered from her telling him he had to leave. Funny how only thinking you're about to lose something makes you realize how much you've wanted it. For months, he's been going through the motions. Staying and being something he's not because he was told that was what he had to do. Told that that was what he wanted. He'd done it because he'd promised to do it. He hadn't done it because it was what he wanted. He hadn't even stopped to think about what he'd wanted. He never thought about that. About what made him feel like he was worth something. He did what he always did. He obeyed orders. Regardless of who they were coming from. When they conflicted, like protect your brother and you've got to let me go, well. That was a problem. But you had to go to the superior authority then. The prime directive. Protect your brother. So he'd gotten all those books and gone through them with a fine tooth comb. He'd gone to work, and come to bed, and gone to barbeques. He'd tried to smile and sober up and be a good person. And he'd felt guilty as hell as soon as any kind of happiness had blossomed in his heart. He'd kept it so locked away, that he hadn't realized that something was growing in his heart.

"Dean? You ok?" Lisa had that half exasperated, half worried look that he'd grown so accustomed to.

"Yeah," Dean said softly, cleared his throat and tried again. "Yeah. Better than good. What did I ever do to deserve you?"

He reached out and pulled her to him, savouring the feeling of her in his arms, breathing in the scent that had become so much a part of his life.

Her arms reached around him, hugging him back with a strength that always surprised him. He'd stopped letting her know he was surprised though. She didn't punch much like a girl, and she showed no mercy as to where she punched. She was an athlete, she'd pointed out.

He kissed the top of her head and wondered again how she could know him so well. And still want him.

It was one of the reasons he'd said no to Michael. He didn't want anyone else in his skin. He didn't want anyone else behind the walls. Those walls had protected him his whole life. Until the pit. Then there was no keeping anyone out. Having someone crawl around in his soul, giving up that intimate part of himself... nothing compared to that pain. So no. He wasn't ever going to let anyone see that part of himself. See him from inside of his skin.

So finding Lisa there? That just kept surprising him. He had slowly let her see in. Sometimes it had been the grief that opened a window, sometimes it was the booze. She'd never forced her way in, and she'd never refused to cross the threshold. And she'd always come back.

And now, she apparently knew him better than he knew himself.

He felt her sigh. She kissed the side of his neck and pulled back to look at him.

"We'll figure it out. Lots of people have out of town jobs." She smiled at him.

"I'll call. I'll leave you with a few numbers. There are always people nearby that can help and will keep an eye out for the two of you," Dean's voice wavered. Suddenly, he wasn't sure again. He'd wanted this for so long. Normal. A home. But deep down, it couldn't be everything for him.

"Like I said we'll figure it out. We'll need to talk to Ben... make him understand..." Lisa frowned slightly. It wouldn't be easy, but Ben was a smart kid – scary smart sometimes. He really did look up to Dean. He would miss him being there every morning, but he'd already picked up on Dean's restlessness, his uncharacteristic behaviour the last few weeks. He'd known, just as Lisa had, when Sam had shown up, that life was going to change.

"Do you want to talk to him first?" Dean asked gently.

"Yeah... let me talk to him. You go do what you have to do and then when he's had a chance to think about it, we'll all sit down and try to come up with a workable plan." Lisa smiled up at him again and his heart lightened.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

He pulled the tarp off and soaked in the gleaming black lines. Home. Already he could hear the sounds of the road, feel the engine vibrate through him. He was so absorbed in the sense memories that he didn't hear Lisa come up behind him.

She laughed when he started.

"A lesser woman would be jealous," she teased.

He couldn't help but laugh with her.

"Apples and oranges," Dean teased back, reaching out to stroke Lisa's back.

"Ben ok?"

"He's processing. Let's give him a little bit. I asked him to think about how he'd like this to play out. Pointing out that you had to go, so that option was off the table. At least for now."

Dean nodded, the smile slipping from his face. He wondered for the millionth time if he could ever do anything that wouldn't hurt someone he loved.

"When was the last time you had her out?" Lisa broke into his thoughts before they could spiral any further downward.

"You know when. When I brought her over here."

"That doesn't really count though, does it?" It was Lisa's turn to reach out and bridge the gap between them. "She is a beauty. I suppose she is a worthy rival..." she grinned up at Dean from beneath her lashes. "You really do have a type!"

"Dark, strong, smart, and totally sexy," Dean pulled Lisa to him, enfolding her and kissing her deeply and tenderly.

He owed her so much. He could never repay it. But he was determined they would find a way. He'd let her in. She knew him. And she'd stayed.

"Want to take her out for a spin? Really open the old girl up and get her ready for the road?"

"Sure," Lisa smiled up at him. She did that a lot. And Dean never tired of that look in her eyes. It wasn't possessive or superior. It was just simple acceptance. But it was also respect. Dean knew he couldn't lose that. And he knew if he lost that part of himself that he'd been keeping at bay, he'd lose that respect too. He smiled back and giving a final gentle squeeze pulled back and reached into his pocket, pulling out the keys.

"Here," he said offering the keys. "How about you drive a real car for a change?"

Lisa's eyes were as big as saucers. Her breath hitched.

"What? No! Really?" Emotions flickered across her face.

Dean laughed. Like really laughed. Like they hadn't in ages.

"Yeah, really. Don't tell me you haven't wanted to?" He feigned shock. She punched his arm.

"You know I want to... but are you sure?" She looked at him, her heart in her eyes. She knew. Knew what this meant to him. She got it. She got him.

"Yeah. Really sure," he said softly, opening the door for her as she slid in, helping her to adjust the seat. He kissed her before moving around to get in the other side.

"Go ahead. Start her up..."