It was the ache in his heart that kept him up at night. The empty space in his bed that made him yearn for more.

What was the point of trying, when all he got was a cold and bitter rejection?

Wouldn't it just make sense to save himself all that pain and trouble and just give him up?

These were things that were in the back of his mind every second of every day.

When he pressed his lips into the other's, he would experience a feeling a bliss beyond even the most orgasmic experience. And yet his heart would still contract so painfully that he found himself being short of breath. He would have to pull away to breath, giving the other the chance for the perfect escape.

And yet, he wouldn't. The brunette would stay there, panting and gasping as he pressed against the wall, the back of his hand pressed firmly against his lips, those beautiful emerald eyes narrowed into slits as he glared at the offender.

Didn't he know that the longer he stayed there the more hope he was giving the man?

If he claimed to hate him so, then why did he stay? Why did he sleep through the night with him? Why did he still live next door? Couldn't he see that he was hurting them both? Why couldn't he just give in and let the man love him like he yearned to?

He wanted to love him, to spoil the other rotten, to make up for all the times that he didn't appreciate him before.

He wanted to hold the brunette in his arms at night, to run his fingers through his hair while the other hand gently stroked circles on his back.

He had so many mistakes to make up for, so much neglect from so long ago to apologize for, but how was he supposed to when the other never gave him the chance?

Back then he was just a kid, he didn't understand how to show his love.

He didn't know that if you loved someone, you had to show it.

Otherwise, they might be gone.

And that was just what happened, the boy left him as quick as light, the only trace of him was the name left in those library books.

And yet even now as an adult, although he had so many chances, the man still hadn't learn how to properly show his love. He wished so desperately for his old flame to feel the way that he did.

He would do anything to have his feelings returned, even if that meant cornering the other, trying to force his love into him with rough kisses and whispered words. Coercing him through taunts and sarcastic comments to keep the used to be teenager by his side.

Although it hurt now every time he was rejected and his heart felt it would split in two when the brunette would leave early in the morning in a fit of fury and embarrassment, he knew that he would be far worse if the other man wasn't there all together.

It hurt so bad last time, he wasn't sure that the next time it happened he would be able to pull himself back together.

So he wasn't going to let there be a next time. Takano Masamune had already made a vow. And no matter how much he hurt, and no matter how hard it was, he would never let Onodera Ritsu slip through his grasp again.

He dreamed of the day that he could truly hold him in his arms and call him his.