Jack looked at Ianto making the coffee for everyone, as usual, with mixed feelings. There was the slight flutter in his chest, which happened, well, every time he looked at Ianto. There was love, that was definitely there, but there was also a horrible smaller mix of feelings, sadness and guilt. Jack knew that, even though he wanted it to, him and Ianto wouldn't last forever, Ianto will grow old and eventually die. Although, it was best not to think about that, because every time he did Jack had to leave the room in an attempt to keep his masculinity intact, crying in front of his team wouldn't do him any favours considering he was the boss. The thought of Ianto just stopping, ceasing to exist was the worst thing Jack had ever considered. It was the biggest reason he hated not being able to die, everyone dies around you until you don't care, you become cold and numb. The guilt was much more complicated. Even though he loved Ianto and he hoped Ianto loved him too, Jack felt like he was using him because he knew that one day he would have to leave, or worse, watch Ianto die. The though made him angry, sad, dangerous, but it wasn't enough to stop this relationship, or whatever it was. Jack had loved so many but he had never become used to leaving them behind. And the worst part was, he'd never loved this much before, so surely it could only feel worse? The thought of himself inside of Ianto was enough to forget those feelings, or any other feelings other than pure elation. Even though he was pretty sure Ianto had never been with another man before he had a way of tensing, licking, kissing just at the right time. Enough to make Jack desperate for it but not enough for him to orgasm, teasing him, bringing him to the point of cumming only to hold it back again. It was torturous bliss and by far the best Jack had ever had. It wasn't enough for the Captain to be near him, Jack wanted to be inside of him too, desperate to get closer, to become one. It drove him crazy to think of not having that one day, in fact it was driving him crazy now, having to work with Ianto all day without being able to touch him, it was a relief to be able to send the others out and spend some time alone with Ianto.
