Disclaimer: If Katekyo Hitman Reborn were mine, I wouldn't need to write fanfics. If any of these songs were mine, I wouldn't be writing fanfics.
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Minimal fluff 09!
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Stop! In the name of Kabuki!
The mafia was infamous for many things, including black market smugglings, assassinations, drug dealing, cover-ups, and many more illegal activities. The Vongola was going for something less orthodox.
Kabuki.
Personally, Tsuna was ready to pitch the idea but this would mean he would probably have to go through Reborn first, and that tutor was anything but kind. This mindset forced him to sit docilely in the meeting room next to Basil, who had also received the orders (summons) from the enigmatic infant. Even so, he could not stop his hand from shaking with suppressed embarrassment as he held the innocent manila folder that had delivered him the words to his doom.
"Uhm…could you explain what this is about?" Basil broke the silence (staring match) between the two nineteen year olds and Reborn. He waved the folder a bit for emphasis but he also looked skeptical at the idea as Tsuna.
Sighing dramatically, Reborn stood up from the little pillow he used as a chair and leapt forward, snatching the folder from Basil's hands. "This is Operation Kabuki. Listen up, because I'm only explaining this once.
"Basically, the Hatsuhana famalia is the target of this operation. As you may (or in Tsuna's case, may not) know, the Hatsuhana famalia is the second seat in the rankings of mafia family powers. There is no clear number one, but the Hatsuhana come pretty damn close to it. They know it; word has gotten out from a friend of a friend of a friend of an enemy that the Hatsuhana is planning an alliance with the Volgadro familia, which is pretty high up on the rankings as well. Don't question it, Tsuna, I had Fuuta look it up.
"Problem? Yes, there is a clear problem. If these two powerful families were to pair up, their brutal history places them in the red for a whole world massacre. Both families have taken out countless numbers of influential families and peoples in history. It is apparent that if they were to combine, this would equal a world genocide and a spread of cultural purification in which the government is helpless to solve. Again, don't question it Tsuna, because if the government could step in to stop it, the mafia would not exist.
"However, there is a way to stop this alliance from happening." Reborn held the folder up above his head. "The head of the Hatsuhana family, whom may I remind you has an arsenal of more than fifty thousand members and more than a handful of nuclear weapons and their artillery is top notch, making them an obvious power, is the owner of a popular Kabuki theater where he runs many black market dealings and businesses under the same roof. Many of the rich patrons that visit don't know their money is going toward mafia purposes and they stay ignorant of the owner's true colors. This is where the two of you come in.
"I have the whole operation planned out. You and Basil are going to sneak into the Kabuki theater as onnagata performers. Gokudera and Hibari will be nearby in case you need any assistance, and I will be overseeing its success. Success in what, you ask? We will break up the alliance before it even happens and assassinate the two bosses. The gangs are nothing without their heads and if we destroy them, the rest will fall in a domino effect."
"Hold up, Reborn-san," Tsuna said, breaking his monologue. "Why do we need to be part of the Kabuki thing? Why can't we just go shoot up the place and take this guy out?"
"Dame dame Tsuna. First," Reborn started, holding up one finger, "we do not have enough information about the linguistics of the alliance that is going to take place. The showy boss, Takeyama, has written a whole play about the alliance, in which the end will bring along the end of all the viewers and a short massacre of the city which the theater resides in. In other words, this is a ticking time bomb. The play is going to premiere in a month and a half, and we do not have enough inside information to unravel and destroy this plan without working an inside job. Two, in the days heading up to this alliance, the two families will be gathering enough firepower to take out the city. We must not let ourselves focus on one problem and be killed by another. Three, if we have insiders, we will be able to access a lot of information that may lead to the families' downfall. Four, no, we cannot 'shoot up the place' because both families' have access to a broad vein of communication and will know if there is an attack and send backup faster than you can even turn around. As I said before, both families wield a considerable amount of manpower and we will be quickly outnumbered if we try something as rash as that.
"Fifth…" With that, Reborn spread out his fingers. "If we do it on the day and succeed, this event will bring greater glory to the Vongola family than you could ever expect. Not only will we be taking out two of the most influential and dangerous mafia families, but we will gain the respect and support of all the underlings it has abused. In other words…we as the Vongola will be number one." With a slap of the folder for emphasis, Reborn finished. "Any questions?"
"Yes, still many. Why onnagata? Why can't we have Gokudera and Hibari be normal male actors?"
"They stand out too much. And the theater has openings for onnagata. Why are you complaining? You two can put your given talents to work."
Tsuna glanced at Basil, who shrugged. It was either a sarcastic compliment or a kindly insult. Whichever, neither could tell.
"What will Gokudera-sama and Hibari-sama's roles in the project be?"
"They will be made apparent as we go along."
"Oh, yes…most important question, Reborn." Tsuna raised his hand faintly. "Our survival rates…in other words…the percent of success?"
"Oh, I figured that out as well. Seeing as this goes through as planned…you have a two percent chance of succeeding. That counts in that neither of you flub up your stories or screw up in any way. I know for a fact that both families are in high tension and high alert and have even killed some of their own to rat out any possible traitors. You two are treading in dangerous waters. But I'm sure you can make it!" Reborn smiled rather unassumingly.
Tsuna didn't know about Basil, but his stomach had a horrible lurch.
--
"Hello, my name is Chiharu, and I will be assisting you two on becoming the most girly men in the world!"
At Reborn's request, a family friend had been brought in to help the two begin their training as onnagata. The family friend came in the form of Chiharu, a sadistically smiling twenty-year-old who had bright orange streaks in her black hair and her hands seemingly frozen in the form of holding a whip. She looked ready in inflict blood, and although Reborn had said that she was an assistant for hire and was in no way affiliated with any mafia doings, Tsuna knew that if given the opportunity, that girl could inflict some serious damage. Almost like a female Reborn.
Basil merely blinked. "Chiharu-sama, how long is the training because Reborn-sama said we had to join the troupe as soon as possible."
"I run things on a tight schedule as well," Chiharu spelled out, acting like a student who was called on and was now reciting the answer as mechanically as possible, "but let me tell you; by the time I'm done with you two, you will have effectively lost the last of your masculinity and will attract people whom you probably aren't interested in attracting. Well, such is life in the mafia. Any questions before we begin?"
Tsuna was going to ask her relation to Reborn, but Chiharu barked her orders before he could even open his mouth. "First of all, I'm going to have to redo your diets. You two are skinny, yes, but not lanky enough to be a proper onnagata. I'll tell the cook to reduce the sugar and carbs in your meals. Also, from now on, you two will be dressing in these." Whipping out two gorgeous yukatas in the brightest colors imaginable, Chiharu pushed them on the boys. "I do not want to hear any complaining. To act like a proper lady on stage means you must act like a proper lady in real life. If you continue to be butch when offstage, you will become mechanical and fake onstage. Therefore, you must always be on guard; no more stomping around. And stop slouching, Tsunayoshi! Stand straight! Basil, I want to see your eyes! Try and keep your bangs from hanging in your face all the time!"
So started the regime of Chiharu and her mission.
Gokudera, who always lingered around Tsuna to make sure of his welfare, was promptly carted off, with the words, "A proper lady never has suitors watching her at all times." Still, at the times where Gokudera managed to duck under the hawkish eyes, he shivered at the treatment Tsuna and Basil were treated. And he thought women were supposed to be gentle.
"Wrong, wrong, wrong! How do you not know how to simply stitch a button back on, Tsuna? Even Basil can do it! Who are you going to depend on to do it when you no longer live with your mother? Or do you plan on living with your mother forever you sorry excuse for a man?"
Gokudera thanked his lucky stars that he had been given a sister like Bianchi to toughen him up beforehand. Then picturing her face, passed out in the hallway.
--
It had been rough (not to mention ego-murdering), but finally the two were passable onnagata in about two weeks flat.
"Presenting," Chiharu announced dramatically during dinner one night, with Reborn, Gokudera, Hibari, and Fuuta as the witnesses, "the duo that will run rampant amongst each viewer's hearts…I present to you…Tsuna-chan and Basil-chan!" She started a rather enthusiastic clapping that was only returned by Fuuta.
When no one appeared at the door, Chiharu stormed into the hallway and pulled both boys into plain sight. Reborn nodded at Chiharu approvingly although Gokudera nearly lost it.
"You…you can't do this to him! Tenth! You're…you're…"
The boy in question, Sawada Tsunayoshi, was now decked in a rather elegant kimono (sashes and ribbons abound) with a random but charming scattering of decorative flowers in his hair, which Chiharu had managed to (painfully) straighten the kinks out of. And…was that makeup Gokudera detected? If he hadn't known the before picture, he couldn't have easily picked Tsuna out of a crowd of giggling girls!
"Eh…this is embarrassing…"
"Ah, but Basil-kun looks quite nice too," Fuuta interjected. Basil, who could even before give pretty girls a run for their money, looked even more stunning in his kimono (though it wasn't decorated like Tsuna's as Basil's face was already quite convincing feminine) and it was quite obvious that Chiharu hadn't spent as much time on him as she did Tsuna, but although some couldn't tell his gender before, it seemed obvious now he was…
"Reborn! You can't do this to them. This is seriously spitting in the face of Vongola!" Gokudera had stood up, glaring at the baby who was calmly eating dinner as if nothing had happened. "Not to mention, you're putting the Boss in this kind of get-up; you think you're doing the family a big favor?"
"Gokudera, I suggest you sit down unless you have any better suggestions on how to save the world from the Hanagadro alliance." It was a painfully true statement and Gokudera sat down in a huff.
"Hibari, you've kept silent from now, what do you think?" Reborn turned to the stoic young man, who was watching the two silently. It had not been the loner's choice to come to this dinner, but Reborn had held a meeting on the linguistics of the plan before it was carried out and since he was a part of it, he had to come to headquarters. He glanced at Reborn before suddenly staring at Tsuna, who flushed at the attention.
"It looks okay," he said shortly. "Convincible." This wasn't the reaction Chiharu was expecting but she swallowed it modestly and looked at the two like they were her children and they were finally graduating from collage. "Oh, you two look as cute as a button," she cooed, sounding annoyingly like a doting aunt. "The cat's meow. The bee's knees. The…"
"We get the point," Gokudera grumbled.
"Oh, but we're not done!" Chiharu looked shocked at such a suggestion. "This night's just beginning! This is kabuki after all. So I had to teach them how to sing and dance! That was a chore. But hopefully they've improved greatly." Clapping her hands, she motioned for them to get into places as she settled herself at the table. Gokudera gave her an open glare, which she shrugged off.
"Covered with the flowers, instantly I'd like to die, in this dream of ours!"(1) Basil's voice was not loud – in fact, it was too quiet for the stage, but it had a comforting melody that brought out his gentle demeanor. Chiharu figured Reborn knew what he was doing when he assigned her Basil. The boy was already polite and tranquil as his rain attribute even before; all she had to do was tweak a bit and have him hide a bit of his masculine mannerisms. After all, this was only for less than two months and they would go back to normal after that.
Now Tsuna had been more of a challenge. He was a natural slob and as Reborn had warned, useless. He tripped over his own feet. More or less, he was a lost cause, but he made up for it in spirit and personality. She would just have to make sure all his failings went together in a smooth mess, so even if he did screw up royally, at least he'd look good doing so. He had the frame for an onnagata but not the manner – she had to beat it in him, but at last, he was finally retaining (some) information and actually was (somewhat) dancing to the tune Basil had set up.
The two had some work to do though, as they were still rather stiff in front of others, but Chiharu figured it came with time and experience. And as she said before, after they shot up the place, they could go back to suits and guns. This was one of the most interesting assignments she had to do; the Vongola family really was as quirky as they say.
Tsuna tripped on his own feet. He came flying down in a whirlwind of limbs, fabric, and flowers.
"Tsunayoshi! What did I say about falling?"
"I'm sorry, Chiharu-san, but I don't think I will remember to – how did you put it – act like an 'elegant swan' when I'm tumbling to the ground." Rubbing his definitely bruised knees, he attempted to stand but had unraveled the sash around his waist and scattered the various layers of kimono around himself, effectively tangling himself to the ground. Basil stepped forward to help but Chiharu waved him away. "He can take care of himself. A woman is also self-sufficient after all."
Groaning, Tsuna started to gather up his many layers of clothing as Gokudera stayed seated at the table glowering at Chiharu (who seemed to have pinned him to the seat with a knife). The weeks of girl practice paid off, as Tsuna was able to get the layers back on in the right order, although he was missing the sash.
"It's right here." Hibari held out the silk sash but when Tsuna reached out to grasp it, pulled it back. "You tripped on your own feet, Sawada. I'll tie it on for you."
"Ah, I didn't know you knew how to work a kimono, Hibari-san," Chiharu mused, letting him take her disciple along. Tsuna stood still (horrified, you could say) and let the prefect tie the sash around his waist. He could have sworn Hibari had muttered something about how skinny he was, but he couldn't be sure because after it was tied, he was pushed back toward the door. Grabbing Basil, he disappeared into the hallway again.
"They improved a lot," Reborn said, finishing the last of the lasagna.
"I tried," Chiharu said vaguely. "Now they'll just have to pass the theater's standards. But they should. I hope," she added under her breath. "And pray."
--
Sergeant Ryohei was, you could say, the most enthusiastic police officer in the district.
Whenever a new face entered his department, he held a whole welcoming party with balloons and music. Whenever his department solved a particularly difficult case, he treated them to Korean barbeque and drinks all around. Whenever it was someone's birthday (or just whenever he felt like it), he would throw another party with balloons and music. He worked them to the bone but still made sure they were happy and safe at the end of the day. They were the department most ready for anything, murder, rape, theft, you name it.
Problem was, Ryohei could be a bit…too enthusiastic.
Just a few months ago, during a stakeout, when he had spotted the criminal, he had gone on a loud, public confrontation that nearly got his whole troop killed.
Not to mention he was a rowdy drunk.
Days under Sasagawa Ryohei involved contempt from headquarters and days of inactivity.
There were twenty-four members of the police force in Ryohei's department so they acted in groups of three. The sergeant himself was in a trio consisting of himself, his little sister Kyoko (who had joined the force after her brother), and a young man named Yamamoto. Kyoko was a bright, cheerful young woman who made up for her size and demeanor with spirit and determination. She had followed Ryohei to the profession due to her strong kinship with her brother and her strong sense of justice. The two backed each other up and were the (too strong) rays of light of the department.
Yamamoto was something different but he showed up since the beginning and didn't seem to merge well with any other of the trios, so Ryohei took him under his wing. The young raven-haired man was a smiley kind of guy, much like the sergeant and his sister, but even the rest of the office knew he was more of a fighter than a negotiator, who sometimes hit-first-ask-questions-later. He had been on the wrong side of the law before he joined the force and rumors had it he still retained his criminal ways. Ryohei was all for sweeping instances like that under the rug and welcomed Yamamoto like a mentor to a mentee.
"Onii-chan! Onii-chan!" Kyoko burst into the office that fateful day, waving a folder above her head. "We have a case!"
Instantly, the whole office looked up like lions to fresh meat. Kyoko bounced up to her brother's office while most of the officers followed. Ryohei was doing push-ups with one hand while Yamamoto sat about staring out the window. Both turned at the excited woman.
"What's that, Kyoko-chan?"
"A case! Headquarters sent a case for us!"
Ryohei jumped to his feet. "Say it isn't so, Kyoko-chan!" There was no thoughts of what kind of case; a case was just what the office needed from weeks of inactivity. "What do we have to do?"
"It's big, onii-chan," Kyoko admitted, her face falling slightly. "We've got to have some run-ins with the mafia."
If Kyoko wasn't a police officer, Yamamoto thought dully, she could have been a perfect voice over. The hint of drama in her voice had alerted all her co-workers and they crowded into the office excitedly.
"Let's see!" Ryohei took the folder and skimmed it over. "Extreme! Listen up, men and women! Headquarters has sent us a case to watch Hana Theater! There have been sightings of mafia involvement and insider information states that there will be a big mafia event in a month or so! Dangerous to the extreme! So let's start! We must protect this city and her citizens at all costs!"
"Yeah!" The rest of the department, save Yamamoto, cheered happily, Kyoko especially. It was heart-warming to see her brother so enthusiastic about a case; she only prayed he wouldn't be too over-whelmed this time.
"So, Yamamoto," Ryohei said as the office cleared out in anticipation. "Ready for work?"
"I guess."
"Why aren't you excited?" Kyoko asked. Yamamoto always lacked enthusiasm for each case…alright, so Ryohei ended up messing most of them up, but it was the effort involved that really mattered, right?
"I am!" Yamamoto gave a dazzling smile, and the two didn't notice the indifference behind it. Ryohei turned to his sister.
"Do you know what the whole place needs to get ready for this case?"
"What, onii-san?"
"A good luck party!"
Figures, Yamamoto sighed to himself.
--
The gods of the mafia were smiling upon them, as both Tsuna and Basil found themselves admitted into the troupe. Chiharu had also attended the tryout as the two's manager.
"So…now…what will be your stage names? Feminine names, please." The woman who had conducted the tryout was a typical secretary with her no nonsense voice and stylish black rimmed glasses. She had her pen poised on the clipboard, waiting for the names. Tsuna and Basil both glanced at Chiharu for help.
The orange streaked hair young woman shrugged. It was entirely up to them, but she had neglected to tell them about the process. Ah, she supposed it wouldn't matter in the long run. Both had given fake names as not to tip the families they were getting involved into with the new recruits' true nature. She herself was not Chiharu – instead, Misaki.
"Tsuna…mi," Tsuna said, catching himself before he gave his name away. Hold the makeup, first he was a tuna, now he was a divine wind? Oh the things he would go through for the mafia.
"Tsunami…a-huh…" The secretary looked skeptical at the name but turned to Basil. "What about yours?"
"Ah…" His head had gotten fuzzy (he was never quite good at public speaking) and oddly enough, he wasn't thinking in Japanese anymore. Chiharu said a woman must be sveglio, paziente, bella… "Bella."
"Bella. Okay…Tsunami-chan, Bella-chan, welcome to the Hana Theater! I hope you will both do your best!" As the woman turned to leave, a gleam of silver caught all three pairs of eyes and revealed a tiny holster in her right boot. Chiharu glanced at the two and caught the thought they were already thinking. The mafia has this whole place covered.
"Congratulations, you two!" Chiharu rushed up to them, at the same time warning them to be careful with her eyes. Managers were allowed to watch and give advice during rehearsals, but this theater had a policy that backstage was for actors and actresses only. They only concluded the mafia was trying to keep its secrecy to a maximum. Backstage, they were game for any theater jargon and she wouldn't be there to bail them out. They nodded understandingly as they followed the woman to the back with their clothing.
"Now…since you two are newbies, you will be sharing a dressing room with the other newcomers, although they have months of experience. Primarily, the doors will be marked with certain colors: the black doors are only for the directors and theater superintendents. The red doors are for seasoned actors and actresses, and the purple doors are for the novices. Please do not enter any room that you are not allowed to be in. Likewise, higher ups can enter any room that they are above – for example, a red door actor may enter the purple door rooms of the novices, but we have a strict rule about male and female dressing rooms; gender accordingly, of course. The onnagatas have a section of their own." Tsuna walked past the marked doors and glanced at Basil – black, red, and purple were the Hatsuhana family colors. Before they could properly memorize the way and hallways, they were ushered into an empty dressing room. "The others are on lunch break so you can get your stuff organized. Here are your scripts." The woman handed them two thick packets. "You need them memorized by next week. Please don't worry; everyone will help you out. Don't mess around though; the theater does not approve of missed deadlines." This sounded sinister, although the woman was smiling. The two nodded slowly and she left them to their own.
Tsuna let out a sigh of relief. "Infiltrated. Great."
"I suppose it only gets harder from here, Sawada-dono."
"Yeah. Probably." Tsuna glanced at his script. "Basil-kun, what's upstage? Are there going to be stairs?"
--
Chiharu wanted to wait for the two before going out to lunch but they were just dilly-dallying so damned much! Her stomach was rumbling and like her, waited for no one. Dashing outside, she side-stepped a group of youngsters on her way to the nearest Raman shop.
"What was her damage?" one of the youths complained, scratching his shock of messy blonde hair in annoyance.
"Maybe your face scared her off," his friend muttered from next to him. He pointed at the cross-shaped scar on his partner's face.
"Like you should be talking, barcode boy."
"Stop, please, you two are making a scene!" The lone girl turned around worriedly, her one good eye flashing in anxiety, a patch covering the other. She wore her hair short and pinned it up, similar to her brother, who was standing in front of the theater, looking up at the sign with a smirk.
"Hana Theater. It looks like we made it to the right place, chums."
"Of course. I searched the place up."
"Shut up, Chikusa! Stop whining!"
"You two! Please!"
"Chrome." The girl's brother held his hand up with a brief smile. His eyes were different colors, but they both portrayed anticipation all the same. "It's okay. It's normal for them to be excited.
"They need the energy to carry out what we got in store for this place."
--
Note: (1) Haiku from Etsujin. I felt like writing another multi-shot Hitman fic. Inspired by the short story Onnagata by Yukio Mishima. And I just felt like dressing up Tsuna and Basil in lovely kimonos. And emasculated them even further. Please tell me if the mafia issue is unclear and I will gladly explain it to you and correct it for later readers. I wasn't planning on using an OC, since I hate them, but rest assured she is not going to be involved with any characters and is only present to move the story along. I based Chiharu's character off myself. Obviously she is a BL fan, since she lets Hibari touch Tsuna. Hopefully this will not be a Claddagh spinoff, but that was a popular fic…so review for your thoughts! I'll be having a review count this time. I don't want to waste my time writing another long fic if no one likes it. Ten positive reviews will ensure chapter two's existence. So you know what to do.
