This story takes place a few months after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon.
I was walking through the forest with Edward, and he was repeating the same words to me that he had a few months ago:"It will be as if I were never existed." I reached out to him and begged him to not leave me, but he turned around and kept going, not looking back. He disappeared into a fog that was beginning to cover the forest. I tried to follow him, but could not see him. I did, however, see flashes of firey hair through the fog and knew it was her. I screamed out Edward's name, and just as Victoria attacked, I woke up. I buried my face in my pillow and the tears began. I cannot think about him, I told myself. He's gone and he'll never be back. I listened to see if Charlie was still sleeping, and once I heard him snoring I relaxed a little. I felt around for a tissue to wipe my eyes, and then layed my head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. It was still dark outside, so I tried to get back to sleep. The past few months have been hell, and I haven't slept good since he left. I could feel my eyelids getting heavy now, and as I drifted back to sleep I hoped that the dreams wouldn't return this time.
The sun peeked through the curtains when I awoke the second time, and I sighed and streched. It was a Saturday, so I didn't have to get up and get ready to go anywhere. Thank God, because I didn't sleep good at all and felt like caca. I contemplated going down to La Push to see Jake, but Billy always had an exuse when I called to talk to him. It had been about three weeks since we had went to the movies, and I didn't understand why he was avoiding me. He was my best friend, the one person I have been able to talk to easily since he left, and now he was pretty much gone too. I felt so hollow. Everyone that meant something to me was gone. He was gone. Alice, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle.. all of them. I tried to be normal for Charlie's sake. I went to school and did my work and ate food. I tried to forget them, but I couldn't. My mind wandered to Alice. I missed her nearly as much as I missed him. I wonder if she has seen me like this, I thought to myself. Then the realization came to me : Alice could see me. Atleast- if she were looking for me. But she couldn't control all of her I was sure that he would tell her to not look for my future, but the fact that she might still see me brought me to a point of realization. I could send her a message and she wouldn't be able to prevent it!! HA! I threw back the covers and got out of bed in a frenzy. Charlie was already gone for work. I grabbed a pencil and a sheet of paper and sat down at my desk to write out my message. I pulled one leg up to my chest and rested my chin on my knee. "Hmmm", I said to myself. I had to think about what I was going to say. Of course, I knew what I wanted to say,"Tell him that I'm wasting away out here. Tell him I can't eat; can't sleep; that since he left I have been going through the motions just enough to keep Charlie from sending me off to my mom's or some hospital somewhere. Tell him I can't live without him." But that didn't seem to be the best way. I quickly decided that what to say. I thought about Alice and conentrated on her with everything. "Alice.. please call me. I need to talk to you. Please." I said the last word out loud so that she could hear it in my voice. I wanted her to know how much pain I was in.
Waiting took an eternity. I must have glanced at the time 10 times, but it was only a few minutes after 8 am. I groaned. a few minutes have passed yet it felt like hours. Suddenly the phone rang. I dashed down the stairs and nearly broke my ankle in the process. I snatched it off the wall and pressed the reciever to my ear. My heart was thudding in my chest like a thousand horses and it was everything I could do to keep myself from passing out. "Hello?" I managed to squeak out. The bell-like voice on the other end sounded concerned." Bella? Oh are you okay?" It was Alice. She got my message. She called me. There was hope now. I could feel it. I paused to think of the question. Even with the newfound shred of hope I could not stop the tears anymore. "No", I whispered into the phone through my sobs. I can't... live without him. I am trying SOO hard, Alice. I go to school and work and do my homework and all. But I am not alive anymore. I.. I feel like part of me died, and it hurts. I cannot bear this anymore." I cried even harder now. For months I have kept all of this emotion buried in that part of me that died, but it had finally reached a point that I could not contain anymore. "I told him this would happen", she said after a moment. "But oh no! Don't listen to me. What do I know anyway?" She sighed, and I could hear her whispering the situation to Jasper. I reached the paper towel roll and pulled one off. All this crying was making my nose runny. Alice was back on the line now. " Bella are you there?" "Yes." "Okay, I am going to fix this mess. He will listen to me this time because the family agrees. Both of you have been tormented by this for long enough" "He's... but I thought he didn't want me anymore. He said so himself", I said. " No; he thought he was protecting you whenever he decided to leave. Obviously it had the opposite effect. I will talk to him. I promise. Now go get a shower and eat. You looked bad when I saw you. I will call back in one hour, ok?" "Okay", I grumbled. I hung up the phone and went to take a shower.
The hot water felt wonderful after the morning I had. I stood there for an eternity and let the steaming water pound my back. My shoulders were still stiff. I tried to massage the knots out of them the best I could before I got out. I wiped the mirror and stared back at my reflection. I really did look bad. My eyes had circles around them, and you could tell just by looking into my face that I had been through hell. I dried off and threw on a pair of jeans and an old tee. I then headed downstairs and made myself a bowl of cereal. I sat in silence while I ate it. I continued to try to not think of him, but now I knew that Alice was going to do whatever was in her power to get us together again. Like we should be.
Alice POV
I hung up with Bella and turned around to look at Jasper. He tried to tell me not to call; to stay out of it. But he didn't see what I saw. What she has been going through this entire time. I saw her screaming in her sleep. I saw her drifting along like she was in a daze. I had to watch her go through this purgatory and was told to let her go. But I could not do this to her anymore. "Jazz... I am not sorry I called her. I am sorry that I went against your wishes, but I can't see them like this anymore. It is killing her. No exxageration. I will not stand by and watch this go on anymore." We were in Alaska with the Denali clan. Edward had been in South America for the past couple of months, and I knew he would be back very soon. We were met downstairs by Carlisle and Esme. Rosalie and Emmet were out hunting with Iriana and Tanya. "How is she?", Esme asked worriedly. Carlisle wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "Not good. She broke down on the phone. She's been trying to keep from losing control of her emotions, but she's teeteing. I don't know if she will ever be okay if he doesn't end this charade. I think we need to talk to Edward about seeing her. They both need each other." Esme frowned. She knew I was right, but she was concerned that he would blow up. He had resisted all of my attempts in the past to get him to atleast check on her and almost became hostile at the thought. "What do you think, Carlisle? Do you think it's time for him to go back? It's been 5 months and they are both like zombies." Carlisle stood in silence with his arms still around Esme. He thought about my question carefully as he weighed all the options. After a moment, he unrapped his arms from Esme's waist and walked toward the window and looked out. It was raining, but not hard." Yes. I agree. It is time for this to stop. He left her so that she wouldn't hurt anymore. But clearly, this has not worked in the least bit." Jasper was standing next to me, and silently nodded. He finally agreed with me, and that satisfied me. If I could get Carlisle and Jasper on my side, then it shouldn't take long to change Edward's mind. I sighed, and looked out at the rain."Well," I said, "We won't have to wait to talk to him. He'll be here in 2 minutes."
Edward's POV
It had been 2 months since I saw my family. I was eager to see them, but at the same time quite hesitant. The rain fell softly as I got out of the car. I saw their figures through the window. Esme had a worried look on her face, and her thoughts confirmed this. She was worried about me. She looked up and saw me looking at her as I came through the door, and quickly came over to me and embraced me. I could feel a calm sweeping over the room and knew it was Jasper. "Hey Jazz" "Hey", he said back. I knew from the calming aura of the room that there was something afoot. "Okay, Alice. What is it?" She was reciting the elemental table in her head. She was keeping me glided over to the sofa and sat down. She wasn't smiling, which also told me that something was going on. "Alice.. what are you up to?" She hesitated for a minute, then looked up at me. I was standing a few feet away from her, waiting for an answer. She looked up at me, and then she showed me. She let her previous visions flow out of her mind like water. There she was; my Bella; screaming out for me in her sleep. I grimaced. They kept flooding my mind. I saw her sitting at lunch by herself with her arms wound tightly around herself. She was suffering. Another one with her crying out in her sleep. I could not watch this.I put my hands on my head and felt like screaming. She was supposed to be better off without me. How could I do this to her? I was in agony. The past 5 months have been like a nightmare I cannot awaken from. I have done everything within my power to stay away from her. I did not want to risk her safety. Alice stopped showing her visions to me. After a moment of silence, she spoke. "Edward.....I don't know any other way to put this. If you love her then you will go back to is killing her, Edward!! You left her and now she is empty inside! She cannot live without you. She goes through all the motions but she can't live. Neither of you can. And I am not the only one who feels that way." She glanced around the room at our family. The were all watching me, and thinking the same things. She's dying from a broken heart, Esme thought. Poor girl. She needs him like air. Esme's thoughts were almost enough to make up my mind, but I wanted a better opinion."Carlisle?" He stepped toward me and put his hand on my shoulder. " Edward, it was a very selfless act to leave to protect her, but I can honestly say that neither of you can handle anymore of this. You love her and she loves you. End her pain- and yours. Follow your heart." Follow your heart. Those words swirled around in my head. I could not take it anymore. I grabbed my keys and flew out the door.
Bella's POV
I finished up my breakfast and went back upstairs to my room. I turned on the computer and while I waited for it to load. It was taking an eternity, as always, so I went back downstairs to grab a bottled water. As I walked past the phone, it rang. I knew it was Alice although it hadn't been quite an hour. I picked up and forced a hello out. I was already worn out. I hadn't really done anything today but I was so exhausted. "How are you feeling?", she asked. "Cruddy", I replied. I was relieved that she was calling me back. I was silent for a moment because my mind went blank. I felt so hollow inside. All exept the pain. "Well..."she started. " I...talked to Edward." I winced when she said his name. I had avoided that name for months and was still not comfortable hearing someone else say it. "Well.... what did....he say?" "He didn't say anything, really. He listened to what I had to say, and what Carlisle had to say. Then he left." "Oh" I whispered. Then her tone changed. " Don't worry, Bella. Please don't worry. Just go get some rest. I have faith that everything will be fine" Was she not telling me something? I tried to get her to tell me but she just kept telling me to go take a nap. So I thanked her and said goodbye. I went back upstairs with my water and plopped down on the bed. I looked at the alarm clock. 9:15 am. I climbed back under the blankets and stared at the ceiling until I dozed off.
Edward's POV
I drove hard and fast. I couldn't have slowed down, even if I wanted to. I had to keep moving. I could still see the images of her in my head - crying, curled up in a ball on the floor. How could I do that to her? I thought. I picked up my phone and began making arrangments for a flight. It was only 9. I was at the airport in a matter of minutes, and I hurriedly made it to the plane. I felt as if we weren't going to reach our destination on time. I tried to remain as patient as possible as the plane took off. I stared blankly out the window and thought of her and nothing but her until we landed in Port Angeles. I made my way through the airport until I got out front. It was overcast. Perfect. I hailed a taxi and waited for him to pull up. He rolled the passenger side window down and asked me where I was going. "Well, how far can you get me to Forks?" "Forks? Um... I can't drive out that far. Sorry pal" "It's alright. Thank you, Sir." I headed out of the parking lot and began to make my way west. As soon as I was in the woods, I began to run. I could run the entire way there and not stop to catch my breath. I only stopped long enough to hunt an animal or two. I was outside her house by 12:30. I hesitated as I stood outside her window. Still cracked for me. I am so sorry Bella. I am so verry sorry. Then I heard her cry out. It was a shrill cry; one that made my shiver to my core. I could not make her go through this anymore. I leaped toward the window and shoved it open.
Bella's POV
I was chasing him in the woods again. Screaming for him to come back. Frantically, I looked for him in the fog. Then Victoria came out of the fog with a morbid smile on her face. She came right at me. I screamed out his name. Then a pair of cold arms wrapped around me and I awoke screaming and crying. She had me. I just knew it. I was going to die. "Bella! Bella! I'm here. I'm here.". Wait. I know that voice. I must still be dreaming. I will never hear that voice again. I opened my eyes and attempted to focus through the flood of tears. The first thing they focused on were a pair of topaz eyes. As the rest of him came into focus, I realized I was not dreaming. I then remembered what Alice had told me on the phone. I have faith that everything will be fine. She knew and didn't tell me. I was in shock. I stared at him." I am sorry. I will never forgive myself for leaving you. I shouldn't have left you.I will understand if you can never forgive me, but I could not keep away from you anymore." I felt the tears welling back up inmy eyes. "Edward", I said his name for the first time in months. He pulled me close and held me as I sobbed. "I tried. I tried to move on. I just couldn't move on without you. I love you so much." I cried even more now, soaking his shirt. He gently stroked my hair and kissed my cheeks. "I will never leave you again. Neither of us are cut out for this." He shifted me so that I was in his lap. I kept my arms wrapped around his neck. He began to hum my lullaby, and I fell into the best sleep I had in months.
When I woke up I looked around the room, expecting him to be gone. I wondered if it were a dream. Then he was there in an instant and all doubt on this being a dream flitted away. He took my face in his hands and looked into my face. He frowned. " Oh, Bella." He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair. My stomach growled and he chucked a little. "What time is it?" "It's about 3:30. Do you want me to get you something to eat?" "No!" I quickly responded. "I don't want you to go." He smiled at me and stroked my face. "Okay, I won't go", he said. I kissed his cheek as I got up to use the bathroom.I brushed my teeth and hair. I didn't want to look any worse than I had to. I quickly returned to my room where I found him next to my bed on his knees. He was pulling some items from underneath the floorboard. I sat down on the bed and he came and sat next to me. He handed me the items. The pictures. They were right there the whole time? And the CD he made me. He must have realized the confused look on my face, and he quietly explained. " I couldn't take them away from you; it didn't feel right". I layed them down on my nightstand and wrapped my arms around him. He leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. My heart raced. I looked up at him. He flashed a big grin, which made it race even more. His smile dissapeared as he looked into my weary eyes. " I promise you, Bella Swan, that I will never leave you again." I could feel it in his voice. He meant it. I was so glad that he was here now. He was here and I knew that now he wasn't going to leave again. My stomach growled again. He laughed as we walked downstairs toward the kitchen.
Edward's POV
I sat at the table and watched her prepare something to eat. She made herself a sandwich and sat down at the table. I watched her intently, trying to make up for the time that I had been away. I wasn't sure how long it would take for her to heal after everything she had been through. I felt incredibly guilty for leaving in the first place. She glanced up and began looking around the kitchen for something."What are you looking for, love?" "My water". "I think you left it upstairs. I'll go get it". I was back before she could say a word. Bella smiled as she took the bottle from my hand."Thanks." She finished her sandwich and threw away her napkin and got up from the table. I watched her move around the kitchen as she took items from the cabinets. She was making spagetti. "Still hungry?" "No", she said. "I'm going to make dinner for Charlie. Then I am going to write him a note telling him that I needed to go to a friend's for a few days, and I am going with you to your house. I don't think that he'll be too happy about you being back just yet. And I don't want to have to explain things to him. I just want to be near you with no interferences." She let it out, and instantly seemed to feel like some of the heavy burden had lifted. I walked over to her and rubbed her arms as she stood in front of the stove. She layed her head back against my chest as the water began to boil. She stayed that way for a minute, then raised her head and poured the noodles into the boiling water. She then opened a jar af sauce and mixed it with some cooked sausage. I ran up to her room and got her the pencil and paper. She sat down and proceeded to write a letter to Charlie.
Dad, I've got to get out of here for a few days. I won't be far, but I need out of the house. I will be with safe, so don't worry about me. And don't try to find me. I am a big girl. I made a big pot of spagetti for you. I love you Dad. Bella
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I knew who it was before I looked at it."Hello Alice", I said, slightly annoyed and amused at the same time. "Hey Edward!" Her voice echoed her mood. She sounded much perkier than she had this morning. "What can I do for you?" " I just wanted to know if we are going to get to move back now." "You know the answer to that", I told her. "Okay! See you in a few days!!" Click. She was estatic; I was sure. She had been pestering me for months to come back here. I wished I had listened to her sooner. I was also glad I had not waited any longer to come back. Bella needed me. I needed were the sun in each others' universe. Remove the sun, and there is no center of gravity. Nothing for life to revolve around. I watched Bella as she finished getting put the spagetti in a large plastic bowl with a lid. Her heart was racing, and her face was flushed. I followed her upstairs to her room and pulled her softly down to sit on the bed. "Relax now. I will pack your bag for you." She hesitated for a moment, then muttered, "Okay". She blushed. I sensed that she was embarrased by something, and asked her what was the matter. "I... just.... oh I will just show you." She got up and walked to her closet and pulled out the stereo that Emmett had bought her for her birthday. "You killed it....", I said, shocked." I couldn't look at it. I had to get it out" I chuckled. I'll have to replace it before he notices. She sighed."Sorry", she said. "For what? You've done nothing wrong." "But I feel like everything is my fault. I know that I can't keep from getting something as minute as a paper cut, but I feel like if I were more like you then you and I could just be happy around each other without having to worry about me being vulnerable." I winced when she mentioned paper cuts. This whole mess began with a paper cut.I knew what she was jabbing at, but I was not going to take her life away. Atleast not yet. I sighed. We finished packing her bag and headed down to the truck. She got in the driver's seat. "Some things never change", I said with a chuckle. We headed towards the grocery store. "What are we doing here?", I asked. "I'm going to need food for the next few days". "Right."
