She stared at her phone, glowing bright in the darkness. The highlighted bar hovered over a name.
Zack Fair.
She couldn't. She just... couldn't. She pursed her lips, suffocated her gasps, held back her tears. She just couldn't. Even after the backlight shut off, she still stared at it blankly, like it would hold a prophecy, a secret.
It had been like this for the past few days. She'd work dull, mundane, routine missions to get her mind off things, but it wasn't working. Her mind would circle back to the longest, most compromising mission she'd ever done. What she had become, what she had done, for the past three years or so was suddenly null and void. It was for nothing and she couldn't deal with it.
Among strangers she'd see his face, hear his voice. In the crowds of SOLDIERs she'd see his uniform, his sword. She would turn and there he would be, waiting. And she'd cut through everyone, run towards the phantom, realizing that he was never there to begin with, that he wouldn't be there ever again.
She was going mad and the worst part was that she knew it.
She turned on her heel and left the city for the last time in civilian clothing, just like the first time she entered it. Her calf-length black combat boots laced over her skinny khaki cargo pants stepped in rhythm with the swishing of her loose black sweater, covering her otherwise bare arms and white tank top. She slung her messenger bag across her chest and carried Rekka close to her to avoid hitting anyone around her, not that there were many people to begin with.
"So you're... not coming back," Reno said to her as he made one last sweep of the city. She shook her head quietly, not looking up at him. "Hey... look at me. I'm not blaming you." He placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly. "But... you're sure about this?"
She nodded wordlessly, fighting back the tears. For years, Shin-Ra and the Turks had been her home, her family. Now it was complete hell and torture. "My time's done here. Besides, I'm supposed to be dead." For all she knew, she really was.
"That can be fixed, you know that."
"Doesn't matter. I'm done with all of this."
He shook his head. "We're gonna miss you, little girl."
She dropped her head onto his chest and began to sob uncontrollably. "I failed," she said between deep breaths. "It was... I just..." She couldn't even finish her sentences. It was her job to look after him and find what he was up to and what happens? He goes and gets himself killed. "Why did he have to play hero? I can't, I just..." She feebly stamped her clenched fist on Reno's chest.
He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. "Hey, it was his choice, okay? Not yours, not mine, not anyone. We did what we could. Besides," he said as he lifted her head upwards with his hand on her chin, "you did the best of all of us. Stop crying, pretty girls shouldn't cry and they make me feel bad."
She looked away. "He had everything going for him and he threw it away. Like that."
"He didn't throw it away," he said very seriously. "Someone else is alive and everyone now knows what the hell Hojo does down there. It wasn't in vain."
Reno was right but it didn't make her feel any better. She let the tears flow freely as neither spoke. There were too many things she felt to be put merely into words. Anger, frustration, suffering, confusion, all of it and more simply jumbled into a mess of emotions somewhere in the depths. After several minutes, she finally let go and wiped away her tears with the sleeves of her sweater.
He led her towards a black motorcycle with a helmet hanging from the handle. The tall redhead put a set of keys in her palm and closed it for her. "Where will you go now, Cissnei?"
"Cissnei is dead. As for Eva Stronghold... we'll see. Stay safe, Reno."
He grinned and winked at her. "Can't do that. Turk."
She put on the helmet, turned on the bike and sped away from the desolate city. No looking back now, she thought.
