Déjà vu


Sirius looked at the man lying next to him.

Déjà vu…

How many times, before this mess, had he done the same? Gazed at his beautiful lover sleeping. Listened to his gentle breathing, hugged him close?

But now…

They only shared a bed because Remus had no couch, or extra blankets. They'd barely touched. Not talked about… well, anything.
Remus had dimmed. He was still as smart as he had ever been, still quiet, still almost the same, but his spark, his fire,was…dimmed.

A little awkwardly, Sirius put his arms around Remus. When Remus snuggled closer to him, just like he always used to, a tear formed in his eye.
He smoothed back a mop of grey-brown hair from Remus' forehead.

"What did we get old, Remmy?" He whispers, mostly to himself. "Merlin, I hate this. I wish we could be back to where we were."

Remus didn't stir.

Sirius wrapped his arms tighter around Remus. He wished that they were safe here; that they could stay here forever, away from the war.
Sirius would do anything; give up anything, for Remus.

Tears were coming fast and strong now.

He lent his face towards Remus', their lips nearly touching.
"I love you." He sobbed. "Never stopped. Never will."

Sirius turned his face into the pillow, so that his sobs wouldn't wake Remus.
"Siri?" A sleepy voice enquired. "You… you okay?"

Sirius held his breath "Yeah, Remmy. I'm fine. Go back to sleep, Remmy."
"'Kay. Love you…" Remus' eyes fluttered and closed again.

"Love you too, Remmy."


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