Kurt so doesn't want to do this. Fish for compliments like this. It's simply not his style. He earns the compliments by being himself...and by being a total diva in Glee rehearsal.
That's sort of his thing.
But he has had enough of feeling insecure about his goddamned pear hips. He's noticed how they just stick there, two bits of goddamned hideous fat stuck to his sides. He also truly despises having celery for lunch.
Don't even get him started on Splenda for breakfast. Next time, he just won't have breakfast. The Splenda makes him feel worse in the morning, seriously.
Fury boils inside him, fury for Sue, fury for his gross hips, fury for everything and everyone.
Which, again, is so not his style.
Fury is totally last season.
Almost as last season as what Rachel wears.
...
"Brittany?" He's going with Brittany because, while he's not close to her, she's kind of an expert at these figure things. You know, a long-time Cheerio. (But she's not mean like Santana. He so doesn't need a second Sue in his life.)
"Yeah?" Brittany calls innocently.
"Do you think I have..."
"A cat? Well, I can't answer that. But if you don't, you should."
"No." Maybe asking Brittany wasn't such a bright idea...
"What, then?" Brittany smiled so sweetly. Sweet like sugar, not like that disgusting Splenda crap he has to eat for breakfast now.
"Pear hips." Kurt sighs.
"What? No, your hips aren't pears. I don't think that's possible. Unless you were a fruit man."
"No!" Kurt was exasperated. Seriously? "Do you think that I'm...chunky?"
"Like the peanut butter? Are you going mad?"
"Ugh, no." He'd almost had enough. But he needed an excuse to stop having celery for lunch. Celery for lunch = seriously not fun.
"Wait, chunky as in...fat?"
"Yeah..."
"Kurt, that's ridiculous. Dolphins are always slim. It's kind of biology."
"Uh..." Kurt wasn't sure what she meant by that. Dolphins are gay sharks, so...
Wait- does she really think all gays are...?
"Yes, it's that simple. You can stop eating celery all the time now. It's getting annoying. I don't like the sound of people chewing celery."
"What?"
"Do you not take Biology?"
"I take biology!" Kurt was mad now, his high voice obviously frustrated, "But I didn't take Language of Brittany 101!"
"I have my own language?" Brittany cheered innocently, "Yay!"
Kurt almost stormed out like the diva he was, but then-
"Wait, Kurt!" Brittany cried, "I finally get what's happened!"
"What?" Kurt groaned. Honestly, he was so sick of this.
"Sue's been on your case, hasn't she? She made Mercedes lose something like 10 pounds in a week, and said that you could stand to lose a few too."
Kurt widened his eyes, his adorable face mirroring absolute shock. Brittany got it right. "Yes! How did you know?" he spluttered. Wow. He may not be close to Brittany, and she may be annoying, but in that moment he realized that she cares.
"Because, I know gossipy stuff. Word gets around, and I always hear it. Come sit here, my dolphin." She gestured beside her. Kurt had to oblige.
"Sue is a meanie. Don't listen to her. If you lost any weight..." Brittany sighed, "you'd probably be a banana. Then you wouldn't be as happy, and dolphins are always happy."
"I have no idea what any of that was." Kurt grinned, "However, I'll take that as an excuse to not have goddamn celery again. Thanks for that."
Kurt skipped out with a huge smile on his face.
Brittany does that to people.
