Lone Gunmen's
11:38 PM
Squinting for the millionth time, I concentrate on the digital waif floating before me. She is perfect. That is, she's perfect after a little late night tweaking session last night. The virtual vision before me is my Christmas present to Frohike, thus the reason for my late night programming spree. Not only did I have to wait for Frohike, I also had to wait for Byers (who was up way past his bed time and cranky) to nod off as well. I would let Byers in on my surprise, but couldn't keep his mouth shut if it was stapled closed.
A knock at the door catches a pissed off Frohike in the middle of an upgrade. I can't help but wonder what kind of person wants us at this hour.
"Who is it, and what the hell do you want?" I shout, irked at having to leave my delicate job unfinished.
"Shut up, Frohike and let me in," Fox Mulder's voice snaps back. My fingers scramble at the locks. Chances are, if Mulder's here, so is the lovely Agent Scully. Pulling back the door, I decide to inquire:
"So, did you happen to bring the delectable Agent Scully?" Across the room Langley freezes, his face trapped behind huge, bug-eyed virtual reality goggles. I knew it—that son-of-a-bitch has a thing for Scully too!
"No Agent Scully is not with me, I'm hoping she shows up soon—she had to drive all the way from Quantico," he informs me, all the while digging through his pockets. Mulder becomes frantic, hands slapping pockets before finally dipping into the breast pocket of his trench coat. Gingerly he extracts his hand from his pocket. Between his index and middle fingers hangs a vial of sapphire liquid. Suspended in this is a tiny round microchip. It hangs dark and foreboding from Mulder's hand.
"Where did you get this?" I ask, gently taking the tube of clear blue liquid between my thick fingers. By now, Langley has extracted himself from all of his virtual reality equipment. 'Freakin' hippie,' I think. He starts to reach for the chip, and I bat his hand away.
'Go get Byers," I order.
"That's crap, dude! Go get Byers," he heads for Byers' room, bitching all the way, and nursing his hand where I slapped him. 'Great, now I can add "pussy" to the long list of insulting names I can call him.' "Hippie" was just getting stale—it's not as much fun anymore.
I use Langley's absence to take a quick peek at what game he's been playing. Probably Battle Queen 3000 again. Picking up the goggles and slipping them over my eyes, I find the most lovely vision awaiting my eager eyes.
The radiant Agent Scully in a black leather bustier, complete with thigh high leather boots to match. Damn, that's hot! She's close enough to touch, and I reach for her face. Instead of smooth skin, my hand meets the rough texture of a government style trench coat. Running my hand up the fabric, I stop when I reach skin. Patting the skin, I realize the skin is lightly stubbled, male, skin. I freeze.
"Frohike, quit patting me, god-dammit." Mulder sounds mad.
"She's so real," I breath, dropping my hand.
"What?" He sounds confused. I am unable to say anything as I hand over Langley's VR goggles. Agent Mulder slips them on.
"Holy shit, Frohike—this is amazing!" I exclaim as my eyes travel over the digital image of my beautiful partner. She is perfect, down to the tiny mole that graces her face halfway between her upper lip and her nose. The digital image is quite real, I can almost feel the soft leather.
"Hey, get away from that shit!" I hear Langley shout. At this point, if he wants these goggles back, he's going to have to shoot me first. I duck as I feel Langley trying to pull the headset away from me.
"Goddammit, dude—that's mine!" he tries again to sweep them off my face.
"What's this for, huh, Langley?" I ask.
"Fuck you, man," Oh boy, he's not pleased. "That was supposed to be Frohike's Christmas present, you asshole."
"Seriously?" Frohike pauses, lost for words, "Wow. That's the best Christmas present I've ever been given. If not that, then it's certainly the most thoughtful."
"Yeah, I was going to call her Digital Dana," Langley states, almost sheepish.
"Digital Dana… I like it," I muse aloud. This time when Langley reaches for the goggles, I relinquish them.
"Check this out guys," he says as he begins to plug cables into a monitor. Seconds later, the Virtual Scully appears on the screen. She doesn't smile—but that's normal, the real Scully never smiles either. That's not true. She does smile, but not often, and seldom at me.
We all gape in wonder at the goddess trapped on the screen. Langley says, "If you guys think that's cool, check this out." With a few keystrokes, Digital Dana is dressed for work. Suited up and ready for the world. With another flick of the keys, she is wearing a gorgeous evening gown, her hair is up, even the setting is different, all muted candlelight and moonlight. I've gotta remember that—she looks stunning. There are several other outfits and locales Langley puts her in, but the candle lit one stays with me.
"Best of all," Langley begins to don a pair of gloves which are attached to the headset, "You'll love this feature." On screen, a pair of hands begin to unzip the sundress Digital Dana now wears. Behind me, Byers flips.
"I don't think you guys should use Agent Scully like this… I think she'd be pissed if she knew."
"Shut up, Byers—she's never gonna find out unless you tell her," Frohike reasons.
"Yeah, but I just feel like we're exploiting… oh wow!" he trails off as the lovely white dress slips down her body and pools at the bottom of the screen. We all groan, the sexual tension palpable, hanging thick in the air. Digital Dana is perfect… right down to the fact that she's a natural red-head. I give a satisfied smirk, as I happen to know that the real Scully is too.
"Hey guys, I saw the door was unlocked so I came on in… you guys are getting lax." Scully's voice chides from the doorway. We all turn trying to cover up the image on the screen. On my right, I notice Langley's hand slyly creeping towards the cables. Reaching them, he gives them a gentle tug to pull them out. The screen goes blue, and the four of us relax.
"Hey, I was just telling the guys you were on your way from Quantico." I look exaggeratedly at my watch, "You made good time on that drive."
"Mulder, I'm twenty minutes late…" she starts.
"Oh, I thought I said… nevermind," I catch her scrutinizing my face.
"What the hell is all over you face?" Scully asks. I wipe unconsciously at the line left by the VR goggles.
"Nothing, I was just checking out Langley's new project…" I steer the subject quickly to something else, "What did you guys find on that UFO sighting I called in this morning?"
I feel my gut contract as Scully sits on a stool near the monitor. She reaches down and fiddles with the plugs for a few seconds before tossing them down in impatience.
"Great, what the hell are we waiting for now?" she asks and starts pacing.
Frohike winks at me behind Scully's back, "We're just waiting on that phone call now."
