Lord of The Rings

Tales from Inside the Fellowship

The story begins at the council of Elrond. The soon-to-be companions Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin, the hobbits, Gandalf, the wizard, Gimli, the dwarf, Boromir and Aragorn, the men, and Legolas, the elf, come together from various regions of Middle Earth to decide the fate of the one ring. The council decides that the ring of power must be taken to Mount Doom where it will be destroyed. Frodo volunteers to bear it, and the fellowship of the ring is formed.

Gandalf- "We must set out as early as we see fit. Then, we must make for the pass of Caradras, because I said so."

Gimli sulks quietly into the shadows. Maybe if I creep away slowly, they will have no opportunity to laugh at me. Yes, that's what I'll do. Gimli runs into a 6 ft. statue even though it's bigger than him and falls to the ground. Everyone in the council turns their heads and decides to judge him by the next thing he does. He stands up quickly but drops his helmet. Everyone laughs uncontrollably.

The sun goes down and Bilbo Baggins gives his nephew a few heirlooms. Bilbo then freaks out, and Frodo makes sure the fellowship leaves the next day. He also makes sure Bilbo isn't there to see them off on their journey when the rest of the Rivendell population does.

Gimli- "Arrrggg! Cann'ttt…..gettttt…..this…..sssttupiddd…thinggg…offff….!"

Aragorn- "Having some trouble there, master dwarf?"

Gimli- "I think I ripped my traveling gear."

Legolas- "You mean your dwarf skirt?"

Gimli- "No! Traveling gear!"

Legolas- "Hey, everyone! Gimli ripped his skirt!"

Sam- "If ya don't mind me askin, why were ya tryin to take your skirt off in the first place?"

Gimli- "Grrrwwuuhhfff! I wasn't trying to take it off. I was trying to remove my axe from my belt."

Pippin- "That's dangerous."

Boromir- "You make no sense, dwarf."

Gandalf- "Quit stalling. Frodo's weary, and I'm concerned."

Gandalf goes on for twenty minutes about which roads they will take. The company then takes a break, and Boromir decides to teach the hobbits how to fight with their swords. Aragorn is sitting against a rock smoking and occasionally laughing at Merry's unskilled swordsmanship. Sam, of course, is eating.

Boromir- "Two, Three, Four, Five. Good. Very good."

Aragorn- "Move your feet."

Merry- "Mmmm, that's good, Pippin."

Pippin- "Well I've had more practice than you o'course."

Merry- "Now what's that supposed to mean?"

Pippin- "Well what d'you think I was doing before we set off from Rivendell? That Bilbo knows a bit about swords you know. He said he had a sparkly blue one once that lit up when bad guys came prancing about, but I think he might have smoked a bit too much Old Tobey by the time he got to that."

Merry- "Right."

Gimli- "If anyone was to ask my opinion…….."

Legolas- "We won't."

Gimli- "Grhmm. I'd say we were taking the long way round."

Legolas- "Maybe because it's the safe way round, you little prune."

Gimli- "Gandalf."

Gandalf- "Seriously, what do you want now?"

Gimli- "If we passed through the mines of Moria my cousin, Balin, would give us a royal welcome."

Legolas- "Yeah and if toads could fly they wouldn't bump their warty butts on the ground."

Gimli- "I have had enough of your sarcasm, elf! I'll have you know that we dwarves take things very very seriously. And I happen to know that if we go to Moria we are doing the right thing indeed."

Gandalf- "Gimli, I would not go to Moria even if all of Middle Earth was on fire and there was no where else to go but Samwise Gamgee's house."

Sam- "Hey!"

Gandalf- "Oh, Sam. I meant nothing by it." Lazy oafish hobbit. I ought to set some fireworks off in his backpack.

Gimli- "He was just pointing at that wisp of cloud."

Frodo- "Sam likes to guess what animals they look like."

Boromir- "I don't think it's a cloud. It's moving fast and against the wind."

Legolas- "Crebain from Duneland!"

Everyone stands and stares at Legolas with blank stares on their faces. Gandalf has his head propped up on a rock and is sleeping and drooling.

Legolas- "They are very bad birds, okay!? They are spies of the enemy and unless we hide right now they are going to reveal our presence to Saruman."

Aragorn- "You heard him. HIDE! And someone please help me carry Gandalf into the brush."

Gandalf- "Oh. Are we moving? Hmm. Well we should take the Pass of Caradhras because I said so."

Boromir- "You just woke up! How can you even make a suggestion like that when you've been awake a total of five seconds?!"

Gandalf- "I don't like that tone, Boromir."

The company continues on to the pass of Caradras. Boromir finds Frodo's dropped ring in the snow and is overtaken by his want for it. Aragorn reaches for his sword and tells Boromir he needs to give it back to Frodo and go and find a pretty little ring out of a gumball machine to satisfy his urge. They trudge through the snow, all tired and worn. (Except for Legolas who can walk on top of it) It's windy and icy.

Frodo- "Gandalf, I can't go on."

Boromir- "The hobbits are tired. The snow nearly buries them."

Aragorn- "Then what do you suggest, Boromir?"

Legolas- "Hold on. There is a fell voice on the air."

Gandalf- "It's Saruman!"

Merry- "He's throwing the mountain down on us. How lovely."

Saruman the wizard chants from Isengard in order to bring rocks and snow down on the fellowship. Hmmm. Perhaps he's trying to stall them.

Boromir- "We must get off the mountain! Make for the Gap of Rohan! Or take the west road to my city!"

Aragorn- "The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard. How much sense would it make to travel practically to Saruman's doorstep?"

Gimli- "If we cannot go over the mountain, let us go under it! Let us go through the Mines of Moria."

Legolas- "What is your freaking problem, dwarf? We've already gone over this. Moria is nothing but a piece of crap. Can't you just feel the foreshadowing of something tragic happening?"

Aragorn- "Enough, Legolas."

Frodo- "What should we do, Gandalf?"

Gandalf- "I have no idea. I'll let you, being the one with absolutely no experience in any other place but Hobbiton, decide the fate of all of us."

Everyone in the company stares at Frodo and waits for his answer. They all know he's probably going by Eenie Meenie Mynie Mo inside his cloak. It turns out Frodo decides to go to Moria. Everyone curses under their breath, and Gandalf mutters, "So be it."