So... Sue me for being a total hypocrite. I wrote angst, dammit. I wrote After a loooong time ago and only finished it lately... I don't remember when I even started it; this must be one of my first plots, ever. This my attempt at writing full blown description, so beware: Lit's description bores people, apparently. It's in a different style and since I took so long to write it, it may not be consistent. (Because, mostly, I hardly used italics.)

This is based on the canon manga, before 57, so I wouldn't know if the twins hadn't split up in their brotherly love act.

Warnings: Some swearing, lots of angst, the regular. Third Person POV, switches between Kaoru's limited POV and Hikaru's limited... about twice in the entire fic. Some Haruhi's Third Person POV.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran. I don't have a sarcastic reply this time, so deal with this.


After

Part I. Alone.


He was told to move on.

Five times, ten times, twenty…

A billion times; he had lost count.

Months passed, the time drawing out their differences.

After a year, he finally let go.

But every time, he looked at his resting face, the ethereal peace written along the furrowed brows, and a small child-like smile…

He still hoped.

Darkness loomed over the skies, dusty clouds rolling in ominously. An impatient finger tapped on the window sill, as he watched through the light of the room a light drizzle blowing at small scattering unknown figures below. He sighed, amber eyes turning back to the complicated homework next to him.

His mind boringly calculated his complicated calculus. His pencil moved automatically, jotting down the numbers. Since then, he had been increasingly good at math. But, now wasn't the time to think about that.

The expressionless eyes wandered along the pink-walled room. The amazing room he had walked in more than four years ago. The Third Music Room.

So many memories were instilled here. That's why he was still here.

Whereas the famous "lords" had graduated and risen to exceeding heights, whereas the two successful martial artists only take weekends off to walk in and out for five minutes, whereas the little commoner girl was burying her head over with notes in the library, he was the only one who stayed there, drinking up the months-old laughter, the amusing plots, games, the before. Just sitting, listening.

Listening to the deaden silence.

The rain fell heavier, hitting the glass with depressive streaks of water.

The silence was only broken when he finally put away his math, the rustling of papers distracted him from the drumming of eerily timed raindrops.

His mouth was pulled into a thin line, his lips closed. His eyes flickered shut for a brief moment, before he picked up his lone bag, pushed in his chair, and treaded slowly out of the room.

The music room full of memories.

Of the host club, of Tamaki, Kyouya, Mori, Hani, of Haruhi.

Of him and his twin brother.

But now he was alone.


It happened eventually, but the ultimate decision still beat against his conscience.

Only days afterward, his parents had worried over him, that it was unhealthy, that he would eventually starve himself, that even he was as close to death as his brother. That maybe it was lucky, very lucky that they had finally made friends.

The entire host club had tried to snap him out of his daze.

Kyouya had tried first, leaving a trail of cold words in his wake. Tamaki attempted second, but all he received was an empty gaze, a misunderstanding one. Mori and Hani tried to tempt him out of the room, but he still wouldn't leave; he would never leave his brother.

Then Haruhi said it. Eventually, she said. Eventually.

They would help him to remember how close they were, how much his brother had wanted him to know that he loved him.

She thought they could eventually help him return to life, instead of waiting like a wilting flower. She would sit near him, reading a book; Hani would show him new cake flavors; Mori would lend a listening ear; Kyouya would keep him up to date with the school; and Tamaki… The "lord" helped him with the math homework he had always thought was so hard.

He was thankful. Just a little.

He was unforgiving. Just a little.

But other than that, he didn't know how to feel about it all.


The storm hardly let up as his feet tapped lightly against the marble pathway, watching as the rain came falling down in quick fluid trails. He kept his gaze onto the floor, pulling out his light blue cell phone, flipping it open expertly. His pale fingers clicked in a number automatically, anchoring his case more firmly under his arm. Just as he was about to raise it to his ear, he heard the footsteps on the stone. He hardly looked up as he suddenly replied to the eerie silence.

"Haruhi, you're done studying?"

"Ah, hai," the female voice trilled through his ears. He spared a glance at her.

Even after the Host Club was broken up, the commoner girl had kept her hair short, her male uniform still in tact. Her chocolate brown eyes shone at him happily as she smiled softly at him.

"You need a ride home?" he commented airily, pointing to the rain clouds.

She shook her head, the soft brown strands whipping against her face.

"Nah, it's fine."

He nodded mutely, and heard the call pick up on the other side. He snapped it shut quickly afterwards. His chauffer knew this routine so well he'd know to pick him up.

"Have you studied for the semester finals yet?" the not-so-boyish girl asked him. He raised an interested brow.

"No, not yet," he responded distantly.

"Decided on your college majors?" she leaned over, looking directly into her eyes.

He shrugged, his amber eyes easily sliding away from hers, "Math and Science, I guess."

"But your English went well, I thought for sure you'd pick that up," she said calmly, her eyes following his gaze towards the metal rain-soaked gates, "I mean, you're good a metaphors."

Again, he shrugged, uncaringly, "It doesn't matter. Life… is just life."

There was an unspoken statement on his tongue, the girl could see. But he wasn't going to say it.

How long had it been? Two years already? He had been doing fairly well without his twin brother, although it took some convincing otherwise. He could live without his twin; he could, but he didn't want it.

"Ah, just one more year until graduation!" she stretched, hoping her happy tones carried over to him.

He didn't reply; he suddenly had his cell phone flipped open again.

There wasn't any initial reaction. Haruhi just waited.

Then, as if nothing happened, he pressed buttons in rapid succession. In haste, he placed it near his ear, his monotone voice taking a different note.

"Where are you? I'm waiting here. Ah. Right. Get here as fast as you can. It's a request," he added hastily, knowing that the weather was a bit unpredictable.

Haruhi cocked her head: why did his voice sound… different?

The phone was flipped closed quickly, and he resumed his position, only this time he was tapping his foot impatiently, in rhythm with the rain.

"You know, since you don't look like you're going to study anytime soon, do you want to join a study session with me?"

"After," he replied softly, his hand moving to his mouth, as if hiding something. "After…"

"After?" her chocolate eyes widened in realization, "After… what?"

He didn't answer. His limousine only pulled up to the gates, when he shot off towards the car, through the rain.

"Later, Haruhi!"

And through the rain, she thought she saw him smile.


Abandoning his school case in the car, he sped out into the rain, drenching his already damp uniform further. But he didn't care; that didn't matter right now. Bursting through the automatic doors, he caught several stares, but that didn't matter either. His eyes scanned the two unlighted buttons, and pressed the top one frantically. He watched as the number went down slowly, and he frowned, pressing the same button again, swearing colorfully.

His eyes roamed the sterilized building, and he spotted what he was looking for: the emergency stairs. Sure, the floor he wanted to go up to was the nineteenth, but what did that matter? Throwing all logic to the wind, he practically flew up the stairs, going three steps at the time, half running, half jogging.

Breathless, he ran down the hall, pushing the slow obstructions out of the way, his pace pressing the water out of his shoes. Heart beating hard, he finally found where he wanted to go, the room 1907. His amber eyes scanned the room plate over and over again, and now, he was almost scared to go in.

Scared that it might be a false alarm.

Scared that it was faked, untrue.

Scared that maybe in the time when he received the message and the time he arrived…

Scared that his brother might've died.

Pulling his courage from a hidden revenue, he opened the door, hands shaking, his throat raspy. Sweat dripped down his chin.

"Is he- Is he-" he took a moment to catch his breath, as he looked into the dim, depressing room.

He thought he had left it two years ago, but he was here now. He took several tentative steps inside, too breathless to hold his breath.

A woman was waiting there, her charm still intact, the amber eyes that he had inherited looking knowingly at him. His mother. A man was there, overshadowing her, his eyes transferring an almost mysterious glint to him. His father.

The brunette woman motioned to the bed, and he was almost scared to do anything.

"Is he really… awake?" he asked, hesitantly.

His mother smiled warmly at him, "Dear, you'll have to see for yourself."

His amber eyes wandered uncertainly back to the hospital bed again. He watched his face fearfully, his eyes were still closed, and still no much better than two years ago. There was a wooden chair next to it, the one that he had been so much accustomed to, two years ago. He placed a hand onto the paler hand lying on the bleached white sheets, lowering his eyes so it fell onto the slow rising of his heart, one so unlike his quickly beating one.

"Kao…ru?" It was weak, but he heard it. One eyelid opened, then the other followed. He stared into identical amber eyes, a shine that was unlike his own. He watched as the quivering lips widened slightly into a smile, "Kaoru…"

He was breathless, this time for different reasons, "Hikaru. You- You really did wake up."

The smile lessened slightly, and the happy glint was replaced with seriousness, "How… long? Have I…"

Tears edged closer to his eyes, "Two years, Hikaru…"

The elder twin mouthed the two words over and over again. And then, just a whisper, he admitted quietly, "Two years…"

Kaoru just simpered.

With a slight frown, the hospitalized teen attempted to sit up, just a little, but he slumped back into the pillows.

"Kaoru…" he felt drained, weak, lethargic. His voice shaky, scared, "What happened?"

"I-" Kaoru caught his mouth, his brother looked inquiringly at him, "I don't know… I don't want to remember…"

"Oh…" Hikaru's voice was small again, weak, unlike how he remembered it. He averted his eyes, staring at the blank wall, "So…I was in a coma for two years…"

Kaoru nodded, then trailed, "The doctors said… there was little chance of you waking up," then he inserted quickly, "But I knew you wouldn't leave me."

Hikaru simply stayed silent.

"Two years, Kaoru," he finally said, his voice in a whisper again, "Two years…"


The depressing storm lifted slowly, easing the large city into the long-yearned sunlight. An eighteen-year-old teenager hurriedly scrawled across his papers, hoping to finish up his homework as quickly as he could. The light filtered in slowly, it was bright and early morning, so the other twin wouldn't have woken yet.

Sometime between his English interpretations and economics, a tray of breakfast of the finest quality had been delivered to their room. The still-warm pancakes were still wafting around the room as he finally finished up his annoying homework.

His twin was sleeping, finally dispatched from the hospital and back inside the comfort of their own room. He wandered from the paper filled desk, and sat down slowly onto the crisp meadow colored sheets. He found his hand drawn, as if magnetically, to his twin's messed up auburn hair. His hazel eyes memorized his brother's sleeping features, his hands, the contours of his face.

Hikaru looked almost childish, sleeping, with no care in the world. Like a doll, deathly pale, skinny, small. Even his hands were different; Hikaru's looked like they could be instantly crushed. And there was a possibility that he might just be a little taller than his elder brother. All because Hikaru was hospitalized. For two years.

"Mm?" A groggy mumble floated to his ears.

"Morning, Hikaru," he smiled, finding it less and less forced.

"What time is it?" he murmured, sitting up slightly, trying to blink his eyes of sleep.

"About ten," Kaoru said, with a taunting smile. He ran a hand through his twin's hair again.

"Blah, later than you apparently," Hikaru cast a stink eye at Kaoru's already fully dressed body.

He laughed a bit in reply, "Well, you're exhausted, of course you'd wake up later," he nodded, trying to affirm him of the otherwise.

"Ah, I'm hungry," he yawned, stretching out his legs and swung them over the side of the bed. His amber eyes roamed over the table, winking in laughter as he found the pancakes. He licked his lips, "Maple syrup, yum. Forgot how good it was."

Kaoru smiled slightly, watching his brother in amusement. He brushed of nonexistent dust off his pants and walked over to the table.

"Maple syrup," Hikaru repeated, his eyes practically attached to the gooey substance of the pancakes.

Once the tray was in his reach, he grabbed for one plate and stabbed a piece of cake with a fork. Within seconds, he was leaning against his pillow, enjoying the cakes as the maple syrup dribbled down his chin.

The younger twin placed the tray onto the bed, lying down on the crisp sheets. With a slight smile, he watched as his still less mature twin gobble down his breakfast. At least, that was still the same, he thought sadly turning his head to the plate of food.

Hikaru waggled his fork, dazedly staring at the tabletop mirror, "Eh, Kaoru, what do you do on weekends?"

"Hmm?" he looked up from the mess he made from pancakes, maple syrup, and a fork. "What do you mean?"

"Who'd you play video games with?" Hikaru blinked, staring at his twin straight in the eye.

Kaoru quickly lowered his eyes, setting the fork onto the porcelain plate with a clack, "Well, there was no one to play with me, so I thought it was pointless."

"Them, what'd you do?" Hikaru gave him a strange look over, then opened his mouth in realization, knitting his brows together, "You didn't study all day did you?"

"Well, if it got boring enough, yeah," then he paused, and shrugged a bit, "Well, the Host Club were all pretty worried about me… So most of the weekends they'd drag me to, you know, Host Club gatherings."

He didn't look at his twin, but he was met with silence.

"What did you do for two years then?" Hikaru finally asked, cupping his chin, the pancakes half-eaten. He slid his eyes half-lidded, "I mean, right now, a lot of people should have a personal life… no?"

Kaoru lifted his gaze off the light green sheets and studied his elder brother with the corner of his eyes. He opened his mouth and the soft undertone was almost unheard.

"Nothing. I did nothing."

"Why didn't you?!" he shouted, his rage echoing in his words, "Why didn't you do anything?!"

His amber eyes widened, "I-"

"Kaoru, what if I didn't- didn't-" Hikaru turned away, a light tint of red on his cheeks, "You…"

"Hikaru," he breathed. He almost didn't understand his twin anymore, after years of separation. He ran over his thoughts in his head, shuffling over to his brother, "I only did what was necessary of me."

"What- school?"

He nodded, tentative of his brother's explosive behavior. But he should've been used to it- but he should've known Hikaru was prone to anger- but he should've known that while things changed for him, nothing did for Hikaru.

"I couldn't live without you, Hikaru," he inched closer, careful arms wrapping around his frail twin, and pulled him over to meet his eye in the mirror. Kaoru smiled slightly, seeing Hikaru's stubborn eyes desperately trying to tear their gaze off the mirror. Taking a slight chance, he leaned in and whispered, a light flush covering his own face.

"I love you, Hikaru. You can't forget that."

He felt a slight tug on his arm, bony fingers creeping over his skin. Drops of tears splashed softly onto his hands.

"Damnit," Hikaru seethed, trying to hold back his tears, wiping the moisture away with his hand, "Kaoru… You…"

"Yes?" His eyes half-lidded, wondering just what his brother was trying to say. Two years had destroyed their mental link, their similarities, and everything they had prided in being twins. Kaoru slid his eyes closed again, and gently fingered Hikaru's bony hands.

"Why?" The word was left suspended in the air, quietly, as if waiting for the younger twin to pick it up and rip it apart. Hikaru didn't dare look up, he simply pulled on his brother's hand to snap Kaoru out of his thoughts.

"Kaoru, I rejected you once, already," the elder twin finally said, with a hint of anger, wincing slightly at his own insincerity; what he normally passed off as his "nature," he was finding it hard to ignore. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore Kaoru's eyes, "Can't you… can't you…"

The younger twin nudged his brother slightly, "Can't I… what?"

"Just… let go of me," he sighed, shrugging off Kaoru's affectionate grasp, sitting upright to set his feet over the side of the bed. He stared emptily at the mirror again, his hand subconsciously rubbing his other arm.

"Hikaru?" Kaoru watched him, his soft eyes running over Hikaru's figure. The other twin didn't reply, his eyes fixated on the glassy reflection, "Hikaru, what's wrong?"

"Kaoru," Hikaru turned his eyes towards his brother, the amber misting over his usually mischievous eyes, "Have two years really passed?"

Kaoru only stared at him for a while, confused, what would make him ask that question? Then it clicked.

"Hikaru," he breathed with realization, sliding over to sit next to his twin. He placed a comforting arm around him, "Hikaru, you're… confused…"

Nodding, the elder twin placed his head onto his brother's shoulder, the first of his tears falling down his cheek.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to think at all." His eyes wandered over his hands again, then closed tightly, as if wanting to shut out these lies. " I don't know what's real and what's not…"

"Don't worry, Hikaru," his calm voice soothed, "I'll help you."

"Kaoru." Said twin only nodded, and Kaoru wiped the tears away with his thumb. The voice was a mere whisper, confused, "I don't know anything anymore…I don't know if I love you like you do me."