***NEW SITE FOR THE STORY, ONLY FIRST CHAPTER HERE BUT ALL OTHERS AND OTHER TO COME ON THE NEW SITE! I WILL BE POSTING THE LINK AS SOON AS I CAN***
"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars." –Og Mandino
Chapter 1
Eliza
In movies whenever the main character is depressed or going through that cliché sad sequence like they always do, it seems like dreary weather, heavy rain, and dark looming skies that seem to crush the world as well as the characters spirit, make it so much sadder and reflects the inner grief of that person. You would think that a grey world that matches your anguish would intensify the sorrow and make everything worse. But it doesn't. Right now I would love for my world to reflect my mood, because then I would feel like at least something understands the feeling, this lonely and isolating sadness.
However, this isn't Hollywood. I don't get to stage which days things happen to me, or don't go my way. And trust me, if I could, I would not have chosen that day to receive the news that brought me to Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, because that day otherwise would have been great, perfect even.
The sun seemed to fill the sky, which had no clouds to obscure anyone from seeing the deep blue shade that stretched 360 degrees around everyone and everything. The park that I currently walked by had dozens of healthy happy children, running and being chased by parents whose smiles seemed to glow. I turned away from the scene because it felt like salt on my open wound.
I made my way across the open field of grass, my luggage making a perfect trail of lines behind me. So lost in thought, I almost walked into a couple, kissing on a picnic blanket. They didn't even notice my quick move away from them, in fact no one seemed to notice me that day. And I guessed that if they did, they probably chose to ignore my depressing presence. I would too because I mean, no one wants some seemingly pathetic and hormonal teenage girl ruing their perfect day at the park. I envied them and hated them at the same time. If I had to be having the worst day of my life, couldn't everyone be miserable too? That's why it's so hard to be miserable on those wonderful days, because you're the only one whose not, and it's the loneliest thing in the world.
Once I had finally made it to the parking garage where my car was kept when I was too busy studying to ever have a need for it, I rode the elevator up to the floor where my unused Jeep waited for me, begging to be driven. Running to it the moment those slow metallic doors opened big enough for my massive suitcase to squeeze through, I couldn't keep it in any more. It felt like the dam of my strength had broken and all the pent up tears that I had held back for too long rushed over. Hastily slamming the trunk once I had loaded my gigantic old suitcase into the back, I ran to my seat and forcefully closed the door behind me.
I was a mess. Half sobbing, half gasping for air, I could barely see or think. Frustration built up inside me and I started hitting the dashboard, pounding the seat beside me, hitting the horn, trying anything just to get the pain out that pressed down on my heart like a weight. Finally I just fell over on the wheel and cried, because there was nothing else I could do.
A sudden text brought me back to sanity, or somewhere close to it. I had been getting texts all day, but had ignored them all, dreading the thought of having to open my phone. The steady vibrating a two more finally made me dig it out of my purse and look at what I had been avoiding all day. It sounds pathetic, I know, but any reminder of it was just too much, so when I unlocked my phone, I didn't even read the message, I barely even saw it. The picture behind the flashing message was what got me. All I could see was her. Her smile, her eyes, her radiant presence could be felt even in a crappy phone picture. I was in the picture too, but even I could barely see myself next to her. I clutched the small phone to my chest, chocking out a few more tears, asking myself again, what I had been asking all day. Why not me?
And so as I started the car and drove out of town towards the airport all I could do was say her name over and over and ask why not me?
