The words echoed in Rose's head, bouncing in her mind just as they did on the church walls.
Love fades, mine has.
Rose ran her hands through her long hair, before deciding to tie it up into a loose bun, which was easy to run in. She donned a waterproof jacket and set out at her usual pace, her breathing getting more laboured as she ran faster. This was a part of her routine she never missed, and she found that as long as her music was loud enough and her footsteps hard enough, she couldn't hear his words for a short time.
She hated him. She truly, genuinely believed that she hated him and all he had said to her. While others knew this wasn't true, Rose believed that no one could possibly hurt her as much as he did that day, and vowed to herself that no one would get close enough to hurt her. She said to everyone that she was fine, and most people believed her, thinking that she had truly moved on. However, every once in a while, she would get a faraway look in her eyes and her friends would know that some days, it was all she could do to not beg Dimitri to take her back.
During those days, Lissa would try her best to comfort her friend, knowing how hard it was for both Rose and Dimitri, but Rose continually shut her out. Despite the bond, it was difficult to talk about Dimitri to her, with the knowledge that he probably talks to her about Rose prominent in her mind. Surprisingly, the only one Rose could stand to be around on those days was Christian, taking solace in his easy company and comfortable silences.
Today was another bad day for Rose. She'd been having them more and more lately, much to Christian's concern, but tried her best to hide it. On her run, she waved to a few of the present guardians, maintaining her pace so none would try to stop and talk to her. Eddie saw her and she slowed down, knowing she wouldn't be able to warn him off so easily.
"Rose." he called, expecting her to stop running.
She internally sighed and plastered a smile on her face. "Eddie! How're you doing?"
"Better than you, it looks like." he said, searching her face. "When was the last time you had a good night's sleep?"
She knew she couldn't lie to him, and shrugged and replied, "A while."
The concern in his eyes was clear, and he pulled her into an unexpected hug. She leaned into him, grateful for the strong, silent friendship he always provided her. "I'm here. Always."
She pulled away and simply said, "I know."
With the promise of meeting up later, he let her continue her run, but Rose detoured to her room, no longer in the mood. She showered, washing her hair with the shampoo she knew Dimitri loved so much. She'd tried to stop using it, knowing it only served as a reminder of him, but in the end, found it too difficult to part with.
She blow dried and neatly styled her hair, ready to head out, when she caught her own eye in the mirror. They were dark and depthless, set deep in her face, making her look almost alien like. Gone was the spark that she was known for, replaced with a stoic hardness that was rarely seen in people her age. Her hair fell forward into her face and she pushed in back irritably, reminded of the many occasions on which Dimitri had done so, with love in his eyes. Her mind went back to a particular time in training, where he had told her to never cut her hair.
Suddenly, she hated her hair. She hated it so much because he used to love it. She hated it because it was a reminder of something she knows can never happen again. Never again would he tuck a stray strand behind her ear, smiling as he does it. Never again would he stroke it as she fell asleep, feeling safe in the comfort of his arms. Never again.
With tears in her eyes, she reached for the scissors in her bathroom cabinet. Before she could talk herself out of it, she cut the low ponytail she had put her hair into off. Her hair fell loose around her, much shorter than what it was. It fell to her chin, framing her face and making her look much older. Rose bitterly thought that she finally looked the age she felt, already weary with life. After evening it out and taking one final look, she cleaned up the masses of hair around her and, emotionless, threw it in the bin. She thought of how it was symbolic to what Dimtri did to her.
Lissa, Christian and Dimitri were all sitting together, eating dinner. Rose walked up to them, shoulders hunched, but eyes aware, scanning the surroundings. As ever, Lissa saw her first, but her gasp caused the two men to turn around. Rose kept her eyes ahead, not wanting to see their reactions to her impromptu haircut. Christian slid over to make room for her in between him and Lissa, knowing she wouldn't want to sit next to Dimitri.
Lissa stared, open mouthed in surprise. "Damn, Liss. I didn't think it looked that bad." Rose murmured, lightness in her voice that only few could tell was faked.
Lissa was quick to reassure her. "No, Rose, not at all! It looks lovely, it's just... a surprise. You used to love your long hair."
Rose barked out a short, bitter laugh. "Haven't you heard, Liss? Love fades." she said, echoing the words that had been in her mind every waking moment.
She heard a small intake of breath from where Dimitri was sitting, but luckily, Christian came to her rescue. "I think it looks great, Rose. At least now you can't make me try and braid it again." he joked, trying to lighten the mood.
Rose smiled a genuine smile at him for his efforts. "Hey, you can still try, if you really want to. It's not that short."
"You'd have to kill me first." he replied, happy with her typical Rose response.
Dimitri was silent throughout this exchange. Rose caught his eye for the first time that day, and what she saw there made her gasp.
Pain. The pain in his eyes was tangible, so intense Rose almost felt it herself. They were glazed over, searching her own eyes for an answer.
Rose abruptly stood up, and Christian and Lissa's talking ceased. She ignored their concerns and walked away from the table, the words once again screaming in her head.
It was as if he almost cared.
There was a gentle knock on her door, and Rose stood up in irritation, unwilling to talk to anyone. As she opened the door, she said, "What do you want? I'm very bus-". She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Dimitri, leaning his tall frame against her door. She kept her face blank and inquired again, "Yes?"
"May I come in?" he asked, every bit as emotionless as her.
Rose stepped aside and let him walk past, and shut the door. They both stood.
"Is Lissa okay?" Rose asked, already knowing the answer.
"Yes, the princess is fine." he replied, before an awkward silence.
Rose raised her eyebrows. "Did you come here to stand in my room or did you have anything to say?"
Dimitri blurted out, "Why did you cut your hair?". Rose was surprised. In all the time she had known him, she'd never heard him blurt anything out, always choosing his words carefully.
"I wanted a change. Besides, it was just getting in the way."
Dimitri looked pained and took a step forward and reached out, as if to touch her hair. Rose stepped back.
"Was that all?" Rose asked in a deadpan voice.
"You look different. And not just because of the hair. You look... changed. Sadder. Are you sleeping?" he said, gently.
"Maybe I am different. Maybe I am sadder. You sure as hell don't get to care anymore." Rose replied, her voice wavering at the harsh words.
Dimitri ran his hands through his own hair in frustration. "I care about you, Rose! I can't just stop." he shouted.
Rose stepped aside and opened the door. "It'll fade."
Dimitri's eyes shone with unshed tears. He walked towards the door, ready to leave, but turned back. "You still look beautiful, Roza. So beautiful it hurts." he murmured, before turning around and walking away fast, so she wouldn't see the tears running down his face.
I'm not entirely sure where this story is going, so we'll find out together! If you have any ideas or requests or anything, please let me know in a review! As always, please check out the rest of my fics, and thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it/have any feedback or anything, let me know in a review.
