CHAPTER 1
Friday December 24th
11.00
p.m.
Brrrrr,
it's nippy noodles out tonight. Mr Next Door is still banging about
in the garden. He is such a nuisance. I have been thinking about
sending some footage of his unsociable behaviour to Neighbours From
Hell. He'd be soooo mad.
11.15
p.m.
Am writing
a letter to the people at ITV. Ha ha ha.
11.19
p.m.
Libbs has
just climbed into my bed. In the nuddy-pants.
"Libby,
I am very busy. I do not have time for your games."
"Ginger
look, its wormy!"
"…
That's lovely."
"Kiss
it"
"Libbs,
no…"
"KISS
IT. Bad boy."
"Well…"
11.22
p.m.
I have
just got up to number three on the snogging scale with a WORM. I
cannot believe my life.
Saturday December 25th
10.41
a.m.
I woke up
to the sound of an automobile tooting annoyingly outside on the
drive. I hobbled to the window to find out who was disturbing me at
this unearthly hour and of course, it was favourite Uncle. Vati was
out there too.
"Do you
realise that some people want to relax on the day of Christ's
birth? I would advise that you two quieten down."
They just
looked up at me and started laughing like drains. Why was I born into
such a useless family?
11.30
a.m.
I forgot
that with Uncle Eddie came Cousin James. This is the worst Christmas
ever.
11.35
a.m.
On the
phone to Jas.
"This is
the wor-"
"Sorry
Gee, can't talk for long. I am just about to go on a little ramble
with Tom. I persuaded my mum to let him stay for Christmas, isn't
that great?"
"Yes,
but-"
"Tom,
where are my waders?"
"Stop
talking about waders, Jas! Do you not even care what tragedositys
there are in the world, i.e. at my house? Do you not care that I have
had to spend thirty minutes sitting on the settee with my Cousin
James convincing him that strip poker is a bad idea at a festive
family gathering?"
Rustling
on the other end.
"Gee,
sorry, Tom just tripped over the dog. What were you saying?"
I cannot
believe it.
2.30
p.m.
Will the
Roller-Coaster of Doom never end?
2.46
p.m.
I'm
guessing no, because the whole clown-mobile crew have just arrived at
our house. Merde.
2.47
p.m.
Rang Dave
the Laugh.
"Hi
Dave."
"Hello
Sex Kitty"
"I am
living in the house of the criminally mental."
"Erlack!"
AN-
I hope you like it, and please give me feedback! Next chapter up soon!
x
