Disclaimer: I don't own it, sadly.
Warnings: SLASH! JPSB! Themes of slight madness. Oh, and references to Het! I know that grosses some of you out. Try and have an open mind. : ) AU-ish
--Will be multi-chaptered. -Gasp- It's my first one, so well see how this pans out. Hopefully, I won't drown. I'm trying to make it follow Sirius from his time in Azkaban to his death, if people like it. Well, I'll probably finish it anyway. It's more of a test for myself, I suppose.
Special Thanks To:
-Akito-Aya, whose wonderful idea will be used later on in this fic! -hearts-
-Artzii for always pushing me on and reviewing every blasted thing I've ever written. You're a saint! -hugs-
-Nika Dawson and Padfoot Reincarnated for making me feel like I'm not a total loser at this.
-Everyone else that has ever reviewed anything that I've written. It's truly appreciated.
The Lament of Sirius Black
By: EIW
It was raining.
It wasn't a torrential downpour nor was it a light drizzle. It was simply raining, as it always did.
Still, it wasn't a normal type of rain, but more of a chilling rain that could wet a person to their core. This type of rain would seep into a person's skin and worm its way into their very bones leaving only a hollow emptiness flowing through their veins. A rain like this caused shadows to slink into the minds of even the strongest men and twist their logical and rational thoughts into a wild disarray of paranoia and senseless ramblings. Rain like this only existed in one place.
Azkaban.
Then again the rain was nothing special. It always rained in Azkaban.
There wasn't any natural light either. The only illuminations in this dark place were from a passing Auror's wand or the lightning. It didn't happen often, but on occasion it would light up the starless sky. There was only lightning when something important was happening in the world. The night that Sirius Black was dragged in this hell-hole the lightning was coming down at such a fast pace that it was difficult to decipher where one streak ended and another began. The lightning would dash across the sky in jagged vein like streaks, but never thundered. Not once.
Sirius Black hasn't seen sunlight in over twelve years now. He can't even remember what the sun looks like anymore if he's being completely honest, but then again he tries not to think about the way that things used to be. Those were dangerous thoughts when one was locked up in the middle of some dark cold prison.
Prison was a kind word to use for a place like Azkaban.
It was more like…well…a version of Hell, Sirius supposed. Then again it wasn't like he was in his right mind anyway anymore. He's wasn't a raving lunatic like his cousin a few blocks down from him, but he couldn't be considered balanced either.
Not since that night.
Azkaban wasn't the thing that had turned Sirius Black slightly insane. Oh, no. He'd been mentally off kilter ever since he'd seen James's house blown up, ever since Halloween all those years ago; because on that Halloween night Sirius's soul had died right next to James. Which he supposed was why the Dementors had a lesser liking to him. He didn't have as much of a soul to feast off of, let alone any happiness left.
Once again, that wasn't the best thought to have.
Thoughts like those only got a prisoner pulled even further into the dark empty pit of madness that was almost inevitable, especially with his family's history. When these particular thoughts rack about his brain, he begins to chant his mantra.
My name is Sirius Black.
I was born in 1960.
My favorite color is hazel.
I'm a Gryffindor.
He'd go on and on until his thoughts filed back in order. He thought about anything and everything. He'd walk the grounds of Hogwarts and rediscover every nook and cranny all over again. He'd recite stories from his childhood and sing the words to every song he knew. Once, he even traced his family tree back all the way to the Dark Ages just to get the image of James's lifeless body out of his head. It was amazing that he could still remember all of that "Toujours Pur" rubbish his mother had beat into him, sometimes literally beat into him.
Although, the best way to remain sane was to think about James. His Prongs never let him down. Sirius would relive all of their years together inside of his mind. He'd start with the train ride where they'd shaken hands for the first time and work his way up to graduation. Sirius would never dare go further than that though because after graduation James belonged to Evans. When he was feeling particularly vindictive he'd remind himself that he'd had James to himself longer than Evans had. That bloody ginger flower had ruined everything and the worst part was she hadn't even tried.
That thought would always kill Sirius all over again. Unlike Sirius, whose life had revolved around James, she never had to try to get James to notice her like that.
Maybe she'd had James all along.
Not that it truly mattered anymore. They were both dead. Even now she still had James all to herself.
Then his mind goes blank. It goes dark and he can't remember anything for a moment. Then he realizes what's happening.
Oh, no.
They're coming.
Even if the Dementors didn't like him as much as others, he still felt the effects of them being so close.
His long too thin spidery fingers grasp onto his matted rotten black hair, gripping it painfully just to make sure that he can still feel pain. It's always reassuring when his scalp aches for release. It's important to feel things, Sirius reminds himself. It makes him know that he's still alive, even if he wishes with every ragged and painful breath that he wasn't.
He doesn't want to be alive, not without him…
It was important to remember those simple things about himself though because it made him feel more human and sane. It made him remember who he was because even though he was only a prisoner of Azkaban, he was still a person. A person that used to have a life before he got shipped off here, a person that lost everything to the darkness so long ago, a person that wished that there was a way out; any way out would do. He just wanted something.
An eerie feeling creeps into his cell. They're so close. He can hear their whispers to each other. Their bones are creaking and he can smell the stench of death on them. It's over powering his senses. His brain is twisting into the empty pit of insanity. He needs to escape. There has to be a way. If he can just pull himself together a bit it'll be alright.
If he can just remember James, he can make it through.
His eyes are jammed shut and the heels of his hands are applying such pressure to his eyes that he's seeing dark colors burst out from the depths of his mind. He can feel his legs shaking and his body has begun to rock back and forth.
James.
James.
James.
And then, ever so slowly he can see James's black unruly hair that he only makes worse by ruffling it every couple of minutes. Next, James's eyes are coming into focus. Those gorgeous hazel eyes that are sparkling at him through his gleaming spectacles, he can fully see James now and it's all going to be fine. Sirius just has to stay here in his mind with James because Jamie always fixes everything.
Then somehow, they're in animagus form. It must be a full moon. Moony must be somewhere, but it seems dreadfully unimportant that there's a werewolf roaming the school grounds now. It doesn't even look like school actually. It's then that Sirius realizes that he's transformed in his cell, but he can still see Prongs. His Prongs hasn't left him. He's glittering in the flashes of lightning. Sirius can actually see him.
Everything is going to be alright.
Prongs steps through the bars of his cell and as always Padfoot follows right after.
-----The next day-----
Escape from Azkaban!
Sirius Black has escaped!
Read more on pg. 5...
A/N: Okay, so I hope that was alright. I'm slightly nervous because I've only ever written one shots. Not the best ones at that, but still. People have asked so here we go.
--Please review! It's always lovely to hear what you all think. Thanks for taking the time to read my fic!
