Hey :) small one shot-song fic I typed up quickly, it's to the song "Make Your Move" by New Found Glory, who are amazing by the way.
Set roughly after the season three finale, so the start of season four.
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost or New Found Glory lyrics.
x
----------------------------------------------
The air was uplifting, despite the death that everyone witnessed by the hands of Locke. Naomi was a loss; even though she only showed up a few days before, it was still a loss, but reaching her crew on the boat gave hope… they could be rescued soon. Kate wrapped her arms around her body as they made the descent back to the beach, everyone was walking at their own paces, not huddled together like before, the attempted attack and kidnap that had failed, now seemed like a distant memory, they weren't scared, they were hopeful. Torment was surrounding her, making her feel worse, Jack had said I love you it meant something that he did, it meant that he hadn't shunned her and wanted nothing to do with her.
Kate smiled weakly, it was uplifting, but the smile soon faded as she remembered the talk with Sawyer. It hurt, hurt was caused as he didn't seem to back her up, some way or another he always used to back her up and help her but he didn't want anything to do with it. She wondered what was up with him, it was strange when he didn't act like he used to- sarcastic, belligerent and snappy, all he done lately was quietly follow in the background. Where did her James go to? She missed the way he used to act; it always put a smile on her face that he cared enough for her but his words stung, lets hope you're not even though she could be pregnant, which scared her and that she despised more than ever, it would have been nice for him to show support.
It was during the evening, the sun was beginning to set to signal the end of another day when they reached their home, the beach. Her eyes went in search of him, she scanned the beach looking for him, but there was nothing. She smiled weakly and headed for her tent, pulling back the tarp; she sat down heavily and sighed. Kate silently wished for everything to go back to normal, normal as things could be stranded in the middle of nowhere with people you've only know for over three months. Kate fell asleep, hoping that when she woke up, he would be back to his normal self and calling her Freckles. She was wrong, when she approached him and smiled, hoping that he would take the hint and speak, he didn't, he only acknowledged her with a nod and he went back to doing what he was doing. It hurt.
I know you're losing sleep over me
I know you'll relive every moment
Below sheets where dreams are made
Sawyer was sitting on the airplane seat that lay in front of his tent, trying his best to read another book but was failing miserably. He still hadn't got over what he done, he killed a man. Even though he killed before, that was a mistake, he was set up and he regrets it. With the original Sawyer, it wasn't a mistake; he had to do it, the vicious prick that sat in front of him, tied up, was desecrating the memories of his mother, causing tremendous hurt, he wanted to hurt Sawyer as much as Sawyer was hurting him. What he done had landed him in a dark place; he didn't feel as if he could leave that place, he was scum. All the hurt he caused by becoming Sawyer hut him like a truck once the real Sawyer told his tale of when he romanced Mary Ford.
His eyes roamed the beach and he saw her, she was sitting knees pulled up to her chest, looking at the horizon. He felt bad for the way he treated her but he felt it was necessary; he didn't want her to be caught up in the downward spiral of his so called life. It was hurting him that he kept her at arms length and wouldn't tell her anything, he felt something for her even though he wanted to deny it and say that she was just another notch on his bedpost… but he couldn't. It also hurt him how she always had to go back after Jack, when she done that it made him question her feelings, was he just the notch on her bedpost or did she have actual feelings for him? All he really wanted to do was to set everything straight, he wanted to make things clear, for the first time in his life he wanted things to be good and not meaningless.
I know you'll cover your eyes
I know you'll quiver when fingers touch your side
But it all coincides some way.
Staring out at the horizon was always a good way to clear her mind, that's all she wanted to do, was to clear her mind and figure out what she wanted. So many things ran circles in her head, should she give up on Sawyer, should she reconnect with Jack or should she make a clean break and give up on them both. Some signs were telling her to reconnect with Jack because Sawyer was doing his best to avoid her, but there was that part of her that lingered on the grumpy, isolated Mr Ford. Kate picked at the bottom of her jeans, pulling at the frays, wishing that they were the most of her troubles. Yesterday when she went by Sawyers tent, she accidentally bumped into him; his hands came up around her waist to stop her from toppling over.
The contact was brief, she wanted more, she felt more secure with him being near her and having a comforting hand on her. But she remembered that as soon as she was steady he withdrew his hands as if he had been burned, that she looked at him with emotional eyes, yet still he sighed and left her there. Kate wanted to believe that he felt it too, after all his hands were gentle but firm, preserving the warmth from the contact, she hoped that he felt something, she needed him to feel something. Kate raised her hand, shielding her eyes from the glare of the sun as she casually gazed around the beach, and she saw him, sitting on his chair, staring sadly at her. His look broke her heart; she wanted nothing more than to curl up beside him and make him happier, to make him smile.
Move a little closer, hold me tighter
I'll stay if you're gonna keep me in line
Don't want it to be over, move move slower
I'll stay if you're gonna keep me in line (in line)
Kate slowly stood up; brushing the sand that had clung to her jeans, off quickly and she made her way towards his tent. She had to sort things out, they couldn't keep avoiding what they knew had to be said, she wanted for him to see that he meant more to her than he thinks. As she approached him, she saw a faint smile creep across his lips, which was quickly masked by a blank stare, hoping that she hadn't saw that surge of emotion. Kate kept her own smile at bay, she glanced around the beach casually then her eyes landed on his, and with nonchalance she said "Hey James… we have to talk" Sawyer blinked a few times, giving nothing away, hoping that she would give up and turn around, he didn't know what to say and he didn't know if he wanted to answer what she would ask, but she stared at him, challenging him to say no.
Seeing that she wasn't giving up he tipped his head and said harshly "well?" Kate shifted from foot to foot, her hand brushed back her hair that had fell in front of her face and she looked down to the sand at her feet "Not here… please" Sawyer let out a deep breath and braced himself for standing up, he used his hands to push him from his seated position, he swung his arm towards the tarp door and said "After you" Kate smiled quickly and hurried inside, followed by a laid back Sawyer. Kate folded her arms over her chest, smiling shyly, she wasn't sure what she was going to say, but it was nice to be in his presence. Sawyer nodded towards the floor, and they sat across from each other, he knew that they'd end up speaking for a while, so he got comfortable, waiting on the emotional rant that was due to happen.
"James, please tell me what happened with Locke" her tone was soft. Sawyer groaned and replied with an edge "If you came here ta ask me that, then just leave cause there aint nothin ta tell" Kate glared at him and replied "I think I should know, something obviously happened or you wouldn't be acting like this" she really wanted him to open up and tell her, maybe she could help him, she just wanted him to be okay again. Sawyer's jaw squared "Ever think that this may be the way I act, that this may be the real me Kate?" call me freckles her mind screamed, she glanced at his harsh glare, once again, he was pushing her away and hurting her. "What happened" she meant it to come out demandingly, but it was heavy with emotion and her voice sounded as if it would break.
Sawyer stood up and he avoided looking at her "Just Go!" Kate stayed put, her eyes pleading with him to let her stay and for them to get through what was causing Sawyer to alienate himself even more from the beach community. Once he glanced at her eyes, he considered opening up, the look she was giving him was making him feel guilty but he squashed those thoughts to the bottom of the pile and he pulled on her arm, just a bit roughly and guided her out of his tent "Just leave" he whispered in her ear, guilt obviously flowing through his tone. Kate closed her eyes, staying still, holding onto his scent and his warm presence, till he went back inside his tent, leaving her once again.
I know everything reminds you of me
Even the songs you thought I'd never sing
I know you'll mess up your hair
I know you'll do things you would never dare
But it all coincides in some way
Strained was the best word to use when they were together. Anytime they were in the same area, like when they happened to get dinner at the same time, Sawyer would reply to Kate's smile with a nod of the head. It was frustrating; all she wanted was for things to go back to the way they used to be. To try and take her mind off of things she spent time with Claire, after Desmond came back with tragic news, she knew she had to be there for the heartbroken Australian. She didn't want her to be alone and it helped her to stop that longing in herself that wanted to smack sense into Sawyer, to show him that he wasn't alone, that he had people there for him… that she was there for him.
He could smell her perfume, he didn't know if she had any that she wore or if it was just her scent, but he could smell her anyways. It was comforting and annoying, she smelled good, she always had, and it made him think of fun times, whether it was the trek through the jungle looking for that goddamn boar or when they went swimming. The smell also nagged him, it reminded him that she was close by when he just wanted to be alone or not have the guilt that hung over him that he was being unreasonable by pushing her away over practically nothing. He done his best not to cave and tell her, he didn't want her pitying him or trying to understand, she'd never understand. Sawyer lay on his makeshift bed, his hand resting over his eyes.
Now we're here, with the lights turned low
You won't regret anything we do
It's up to you, now make your move
The images that appeared in his mind were of her, he couldn't get away from her; she always had some way of being stuck in his mind, either for bad or for good. All he could see was the last time they had happiness, before he left with Locke. Even though she ran away, making him feel insignificant in her eyes, it was still a happy time. Sawyer groaned and rolled over, he wanted to stop thinking of her, he would just torment himself over something he could never have. After he killed the real Sawyer, when she would find out, he knew that she wouldn't look at him the same, that she wouldn't feel the same about him… it was sickening. All he wanted to do was pass out and wake up back in the real world, hoping that it was all a dream and that she was a figment of his imagination. As he was drifting off, he heard the tarp door being pulled back; he hoped that it wasn't who he knew it would be.
Kate held the clenched up tarp in her hand, staring at him, he looked as if he was sleeping but she was wiser than that, he was pretending to be in dreamland, but she wasn't going to let him away that easily. She stepped inside, the flickering light of the campfire, barely highlighting the interior of his tent. She looked down at him and smiled "I know your not asleep" Sawyer sighed and let his eyes open and fall on her profile, she looked beautiful, she always did but she looked sad. "What d'ya want Kate?" his voice was tired and weak. Kate shifted nervously and said "I wanna… uh… I want to say sorry…" Sawyer moved his arms so that he was leaning on his elbows; he looked at her with curiosity "What for?" Kate smiled weakly and said "when I yelled at you… I know that you were just trying to protect me"
Sawyer's expression gave nothing away, he felt relieved that she knew why he was being nasty but now it meant that she would try and make more of an effort to get him to open up, that he isn't just being nasty for the hell of it. He stood up and shrugged his shoulders and said "No point in you gettin yourself caught when you were perfectly safe" Kate smiled widely, he was secretly telling her that he wanted to protect her and keep her safe, even if he denied it. Sawyer stared at her; he could tell that she picked up on his meaning. I've took my turn, now it's yours. Kate moved slowly towards him, the corner of her mouth twitching into a smile, he knew what she was doing, so he opened his arms and let her walk into them.
Her arms snaked around his abdomen and she pulled him closer, placing her head on his chest. Sawyer's arm came around her, caressing her waist, tenderly. He took a deep breath and he was filled with her scent, it was soothing. Kate's hands latched on to his back, not wanting to break the contact, she smiled against his chest, they were making progress. She closed her eyes and nuzzled her head against his chest, being there felt so right, she hope that he wouldn't push her away and close up, she wanted for everything to be okay. Hopefully things would start to be better from now on.
----------------------------------------------
What do you think? i'm not sure if it'll make any sense or that, so reviews are appreciated. x
