I could still remember the first day I went to the orphanage. My tiny hands had been shaking, and I'm sure that they were sweating too judging by the care worker wiping her palm on her jeans after she let go of me.
I'd been so scared.
I didn't understand why my mum and dad couldn't come pick me up and take me home to play with my toys. I didn't understand what a car crash meant.
And I certainly didn't understand about death.
But suddenly I was in a new home. It was a cold, red bricked building with a large garden and separate rooms for all the children.
There was at least a dozen of them, and I remember the nice lady in charge put all my bags in my new room, wrapped me up in my coat and sent me on my way to play with everyone.
But instead, I found myself in the corner of the garden, sitting away from the toys, away from all the eyes... And I thought about my parents.
I fully believed they would walk in the door at any moment to take me home.
And I was afraid if I went to play then they wouldn't be able to see me.
No one noticed me where I sat.
No one but her.
She'd come running over to me with a wide smile, a tatty old doll in one arm.
And those eyes...
Her eyes were the first thing my own eyes had found, and I was instantly held in place. They were perfect. They screamed comfort, friendship, love... And home.
"Hi!" Her front tooth was missing, just like mine.
She looked like she was my age too, a big, grown up 4.
I looked up at her and all I could remember thinking was that she was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen in my life.
Her long brown hair was messy and fell over her face. She had a splattering of freckles on her nose that made the rest of her face look pale, and her hazel eyes stand out.
She was odd, with her stripy top, demin shorts, and her mud covered knees and arms.
"Uh..." I tried to reply to her, but it was hopeless.
I wasn't very good at speaking to people anyway, never mind today.
"I'm Bella." She plopped herself down on the grass in front of me. "This is Renee." She held up the doll for my inspection, and my mouth turned down in a frown as I took in the object.
"Renee looks like she needs a bath." I noted.
I automatically felt bad for my words, because it was obvious that Bella was besotted with the doll.
And suddenly, nothing else mattered in the world except that I didn't want her to cry.
But thankfully, she shrugged, "I know. But if I let them wash her, I don't think they'll give her back."
"Oh." That was all I could say, and I instantly felt very protective over that doll.
It made Bella happy.
"So what's your name?" She tilted her head to the side, and I felt a strange sort of fluttering in my belly as I stared into her eyes.
"E-Edward."
"Nice to meet you Edward. I've been here for a few months now, don't worry it gets better."
"How?" I couldn't understand how it would, especially if my mum and dad didn't hurry up and come collect me.
"The adults are nice. Not as nice as my daddy was." She looked at the ground, "But they still take care of us. And that'll do fine until I can leave and make cupcakes for everyone in the world!" She raised her arms above her head, grinning widely before she realised I had no idea what she was talking about, "I always made cupcakes with my daddy. That's what I'm going to do when I'm an adult."
"What about your mommy?"
Bella's eyes were unfazed, "I never knew her. Daddy said she got sick after giving birth to me. So daddy took care of me, until now."
We sat in silence for a long moment, and Bella fidgeted with the lining of her trainers, "Should I leave you alone?" She asked quietly.
I nodded automatically, realising quickly that she was blocking people from seeing me from the back door, "Yeah. I want my mommy and daddy to be able to see me when they come to get me."
Bella's mouth opened and closed a few times, but she got to her feet silently and scurried away.
I must have sat there for hours, because it was getting dimmer outside.
I didn't really notice anything else except the light of the day, until one of the older boys came over to me quickly.
He demanded my name, and so I told him, but after I spoke he roughly shoved my shoulder, knocking me so I was lying down on the grass.
"Hey!" I heard the achingly familiar voice booming from behind us, and the boy turned around to glance down at Bella's little frame.
He must have been around seven or eight. Almost twice her age.
"Leave him alone." She glowered, placing both hands on her hips, her doll swinging from her wrist.
Her brows were scrunched together and she was pouting.
It was adorable.
The boy laughed down at her, and I watched in awe as she lifted her foot and slammed a kick right into his shin, "I'll tell everyone how you cry at night and Mrs Cope has to go in every morning to change your bed sheets cause you wet the bed!" She hollered.
His face paled, and he took a step away from the both of us, "No one would believe you."
"They don't have to. They just have to wait outside your room one morning to see for themselves. Leave Edward alone. And tell your friends too."
Within seconds he was gone, and Bella turned to me with a victorious smile.
And just like that, she was my superhero.
I, of course, made it up to her though.
After everyone decided to leave Bella and I to our own devices, we became best friends.
I snuck into her room every night to guard her against the monsters under her bed. She let me sleep right beside her, and just before she fell asleep she would tell me I was her superhero.
We played everyday on the swings, down the slides, in the mud, at the sandpits, in the water. And I always made sure she didn't fall. Because Bella was very clumsy.
Though, I loved watching her fall. Because she would just get straight back up and dust herself off, ready for our next adventure.
I saw her cry sometimes about her daddy, and it made me sad because I hated to see her eyes so afraid. So I hugged her until the bad thoughts went away.
I never tried to tell her he was coming back, because I quickly realised that my parents weren't coming back either.
But in some ways, I didn't want them to.
I was happy with Bella and I didn't want them to take me away from her.
And I especially didn't want them to stop me from kissing her.
You see, one day, Bella intrusted me with her doll, Renee. I brought her to Mrs Cope to be washed, and I stood there and waited, ensuring that she was returned to Bella safely. And when she was, Bella reached forward and kissed me, right on the lips.
On the lips!
We both blushed after it happened, but since then we always held hands and kissed each other before bed time.
That was, of course, until we reached puberty.
I started sleeping in my own room, and as we both grew up, I became more isolated from everyone, including myself.
To say I was shy was an understatement. But once Bella and I reached middle school, I was made aware that I was actually pretty smart.
So I became known as a geek.
Don't get me wrong, my desk partner in all my classes was always Bella, from middle school to high school.
She never left my side. She was just as smart and just as shy.
We were perfect for each other.
And through it all we witnessed each other go through those awkward puberty stages. Like spots. And growth spurts. And, for Bella, periods.
By the time we left high school, we'd thankfully grown into young adults, and Bella was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.
She only reached my shoulder in height, and her brown hair was now brushed everyday and sat in gentle curls, not like when we were children.
Her eyes held a million emotions, from sadness over her father, to happiness over her current life.
In reality, we had a lot to be thankful for.
We'd graduated high school. We were headed for College in Seattle, thanks to my inheritance I got access to once I turned eighteen.
Bella refused to take the money for her College tutition and living costs, but she couldn't complain when I transferred the thousands of dollars into her bank account.
After that she just made a promise to me that she would pay me back when her cupcake business took off.
I loved that she still had that dream from when we were children. She was going to study a business degree, just like me. Her plan was cupcakes, mine was finance.
She even still had her ratty old doll. Except, the day we packed up for College.
She threw her away.
Bella didn't see much point in keeping something that held no purpose, but I could remember the look in four year old Bella's eyes as she stared at Renee, carefully, lovingly.
And so I packed the doll away with my things.
I would keep her safe until Bella wanted her back again. After all, I was Bella's superhero.
Our first year of College went as was expected.
We lived in a little condo I bought with some of my parents money. Our rooms faced each other's, and the long hallway led to an open plan living room and kitchen that had big windows that looked out over Seattle.
We went to class and the library together every day.
We never wanted for anything. Bella got a job at a bakery two nights a week for work experience, and during those nights I worked on my business plan.
The other five nights were spent with each other. We watched movies, we read, I even played Bella piano some nights when I could tell she needed a pick me up.
Bella grew into a beautiful, gorgeous, heavenly woman. And it was only when she walked through the door one evening, her face flushed from the winter air, her hair tied up in a messy bun, books in her arms and a bagel in her mouth, did I glance up at her from my textbook and realise I was completely, irrevocably, insanely in love with her.
She was my entire world.
Me, the lanky, messy haired, green eyed boy... I was in love with the girl who'd saved me from a lonely life.
How had I not seen it before?
I had been in love with her probably, since the moment she came over to talk to me at four years old. I'd watched her grow up alongside me and I'd always thought of her as perfect.
And she was.
She'd stopped to look back at me that night, and I could feel myself blushing from behind my reading glasses. I pushed them back up my nose, welcoming her home before my fingers tugged through my messy bronze hair.
I might have been in love with Bella, but she certainly never felt the same about me.
During our second year of College, she came out of her shell a bit more. She started talking to other people in class. She got invited to parties and social events.
Everyone thought she was beautiful.
And they were right to, because she was.
But she was also so much more than that.
And I didn't know how to explain it.
One evening, in our final year of College, Bella plopped down on the sofa beside me as I read a book I'd bought at the store earlier that day.
I could feel her looking at me and so I turned my head to her attention.
She'd begun to notice my constant hesitation around her since I realised how in love I was with her.
I encouraged her to go out more, because maybe the less she was around me, the less I would love her.
I was stupid.
"Edward? Are you sure you don't want to go out tonight?"
I nodded my head, "I'm sure." I'd told her.
In reality, I should have gone out. I should have wrapped my arms around her and told the world that she was mine.
She had been since we were four years old.
But instead, I had to listen to her the next morning, telling me about this guy she'd met.
Emmett.
She laughed when she talked about him. She smiled and said we would get along and that I should meet him.
I nearly gauged my own eyes out with a fork.
Over the next month, Bella started seeing him more and more, and I couldn't take it at all.
I was contemplating giving her the condo and moving somewhere else. But that was pointless because we only had a few more months of College left, so it would make more sense to leave after graduation.
But I hated the thought of Bella bringing him home one night.
My blood boiled at the thought of his lips touching hers, his hands running across her shoulders, down her arms...
I even cried most nights when she went out to meet him. She'd never actually called him her boyfriend, but he clearly was, right?
She had a secretive smile on her lips. She looked like she was constantly hiding something from me.
And I hated it.
I hated that I could barely speak to a stranger never mind her. I hated that I couldn't tell her she was hurting me by being with him. I hated that I couldn't tell her I loved her.
I hated that I couldn't be angry at her for making me fall in love with her.
I hated that I knew everything about her; how she liked her toast, how she enjoyed her coffee.
Her favourite book.
Her favourite song.
Her favourite meal.
Her favourite city.
Her favourite film.
Her favourite everything.
I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to tell her I hated her because she'd chosen him over me.
I wanted to shout at her and finally let out everything that had been bubbling up inside of me.
And one night I did.
Tonight.
Bella had been getting ready to go out, and I guessed it was to see Emmett.
She was dressed simply, in jeans and a jumper, and I knew he probably wouldn't appreciate it. But I did.
I loved the way her clothes looked on her.
And I wanted nothing more than to take them off her.
I was a red blooded male after all.
And although I was technically a virgin, when it came to Bella... My mind certainly wasn't a virgin.
I'd just cooked her favourite meal, and I was about to tell her, when she suddenly came over to me to say goodbye.
She looked down at the tray of Spanish chicken chilli, and her face fell.
"Edward. I'm so sorry. I'm going out."
Normally, I would have smiled and just told her to have fun. But tonight, I just couldn't.
I dropped the plate onto the counter with a thud, looking at her for a long moment before I turned to go to my room.
I hoped she saw all my emotions in my eyes, because I couldn't muster up the words.
"Edward?" She called after me, and I could hear her following.
I tried to get to my room quickly so I could close the door, but she was right behind me.
"What the hell?" She blurted, "What's with the evil stare? I didn't realise you made dinner, you should have told me."
I stayed quiet, shutting my eyes for a long moment before I turned to face her.
And I snapped.
I wasn't sure if it was my head, or my heart... But neither could take the pain anymore.
"What difference would telling you have made? Huh? You'd just walk straight out the door to see him again."
"Who? Emmett?"
"Please don't say his name." I could feel tears burning in my throat and behind my eyes and I shook my head quickly, "I'm happy for you, Bella. But you don't have to rub it in my face. It's not fair."
Her eyes looked confused and lost, "What? I don't understand..."
"You do!" I shouted.
How could she not?
It was obvious I loved her.
Turning towards my desk, I pulled open the bottom drawer, "I'm sorry, Bella... But I can't do this anymore... I'm moving out. At least that way you won't have to sneak around me." I lifted her doll from the drawer, turning to her slowly.
Holding it in my hands, feeling the soft fabric, glancing down at the mud stain along the neck that never really came out... I felt a rush of emotion.
Suddenly I was four years old again. I was following Bella around the garden, laughing... Loving.
I was ten. I was staring at her as she read a book under the tree in the corner of the garden.
I was sixteen, wondering if I could work up the courage to ask her to prom.
I was eighteen, ringing my bank to transfer funds because if I was going to Seattle then so was Bella... Because I couldn't be without her.
It had been right in front of me all along. I always loved her. I could never be without her.
But now I had to be. Now, I had to make this choice because watching her with someone else was hell.
I looked at her face, but her eyes were on Renee.
"You kept her?" It seemed like everything I had said a second ago didn't matter to her, all she was focusing on was her doll.
"Yes." I swallowed, "You loved her. And I know you threw her away but I guessed it was because you were trying to be grown up... I took her and kept her safe..." I stretched my hand out, "But I'm not your superhero anymore, Bella. I'm not meant to protect you, or the doll anymore. That's Emmett's job now. So take it."
My words seemed to hit her up the face suddenly, and her brown eyes met my green gaze with the look of dawning realisation.
"No Edward... You don't understand."
"Bella." I stared at her, watching her eyes as I said the words that would break my own heart, "I'm done."
We both stayed silent for a long minute, and I watched as slowly, gradually, her face became more and more angry.
She ripped the doll from my hand quickly, throwing it to the floor, "How dare you! You just suddenly decide that you're going to move out? You're going to leave me? Edward you have always been the quietest, sweetest, most lovely guy I've ever met and suddenly you're an asshole? I didn't throw Renee away because I was trying to grow up! I threw her away because I didn't need her anymore because I had YOU!"
Her last words didn't register in my head, instead I just shouted back at her, "Get out, Bella! Leave! Go to Emmett and get back in his bed because it's clearly the only place you want to be!"
I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth, but I didn't have time to apologise, because suddenly Bella's hand had whipped across my face.
The action seemed to knock my brain into overdrive mode, and suddenly... Nothing else mattered.
All I wanted was to believe that his lips had never touched hers... That his hands had never roamed her body.
I was losing Bella anyway, right?
I reached forward, my fingers rubbing against her lips roughly, somehow trying to wipe his kisses away.
She froze under my hand, and I continued to rub at her lips, my breathing broken and tears streaming down my cheeks.
Moving my hands to her shoulders, I shut my eyes quickly, pushing his touches away with both my mind and my hands.
But suddenly, I couldn't stop myself. My hands pushed her back against the wall, and my mouth crashed down on hers with frantic urgency.
I didn't know what I was doing, but I suddenly felt the heady, animalistic need to be close to her.
Her hands dove into my hair, and I could hear myself moan loudly as she tugged on it. At first, I guessed she was trying to pull me away from her, but as my body pressed against hers, I felt her mouth moving against mine.
It was a rough kiss, my teeth biting on her bottom lip before my tongue dove into her mouth and I felt her tongue play with my own. My hands had moved to her hips and I'd pulled her flush against me, trying to get closer, trying to kiss from her mouth the whole way to her heart, trying to get her to love me back.
But wait... Why was she kissing me?
I pulled away in an instant, our bodies still close but our faces a few inches apart.
Her eyes were boring into my own, and I felt the urgency leave me as I looked into the brown depths that held me captive so many times before.
"Emmett's not my boyfriend you fool." She whispered gently.
My brow furrowed, and I waited for her to continue.
Her hand reached up to touch my face, and I watched as tears sprung into her eyes, "Emmett... He's your cousin..." She smiled sweetly at me, and my grip loosened on her slightly as my frown grew deeper.
"Excuse me?"
"He came over to us that night we went out... He was trying to chat up Rose... He said his name was Emmett McCarthy."
McCarthy had been my mother's maiden name, though her only sister lived in San Francisco and died when I was two years old.
That's why I had no family to go to when my mom and dad died.
That's why I met Bella.
"I remembered what you'd told me about your mom and her family... I remembered her name was McCarthy, and then when he said he was from San Francisco I started to put it all together." Tears dripped down her cheeks and I ached to push them away, but I couldn't move.
I hated to see Bella cry.
Even since we were children. It was the one thing I always wanted to avoid.
"We met up. We talked. Esme's sister had a baby just after your grandparents died, and Esme had already moved away. She couldn't handle the baby on her own... So she gave him up for adoption. So after you were born, when she died... You would never have known about each other, except once Emmett turned 21 he started to look for his birth family." She blushed suddenly, looking down at the carpet, "I spent my nights at coffee shops with him, learning about him, telling him about you. He's very friendly, very funny too..." She smiled, "He loves you already and he hasn't even met you."
I felt myself let out a breath, tears threatening me once again.
It just didn't seem possible.
After all this time, I had a family?
Bella seemed to read my thoughts, "Don't you see, Edward? All those days at the orphanage... You waited for someone to come get you..." She was sobbing now, and I couldn't bare to look at her in such a bad state, "He's here. Emmett's come to get you."
I took her face in my hands, wiping away her tears as my eyes turned gentle, "I would love to meet him. I-"
"That's what we've been planning. We've been trying to figure out how to tell you. We've been trying to get you to meet him."
I hushed her gently, knowing that there was something she had to know.
Something she had to understand.
"I would love to meet him. I would love to know that I have a family member out there. But Bella, don't you understand? At first, I did wait for someone to come get me at the orphanage... But then I realised..." I couldn't stop the tears from running down my cheeks, and I stared contently at the girl I loved, "I realised someone had came and got me... You." I smiled at her brokenly, "You came and got me. You saved me. You became my family..." My voice became a whisper, "Bella, I'm in love with you. I always have been. That's why I got so angry thinking that Emmett was your boyfriend... Because I love you."
Her mouth was hanging open, and I waited patiently as her mind processed my words, "I..." She stalled, "I love you too. I have done ever since I saw you sitting on the grass on your first day. I knew that I was meant to be by your side." She smiled softly, "No one but you has ever kissed me, and I don't want anyone but you to do it. And no one has ever touched me in the ways that I dream of being touched by you... All I've ever wanted in my life is to be loved by you."
"I do love you!" I whispered quickly, "Of course I do! Are you blind?"
"Are you?" She countered.
I didn't answer, instead I just stared at her, letting one hand snake into her hair as the other rested on her hip and pulled her closer.
This was it.
This kiss would be the start of it all.
Actually no, that wasn't true.
Because as our foreheads leaned against the other's, our noses brushed and our lips edged closer and closer, I stared into her eyes and I realised that it started all those years ago.
When I'd looked up from my position on the ground, only an hour after getting to the orphanage, my eyes had found hers. And as scared as I was, as lonely as I was, I looked into those brown depths and I knew I was going to be okay.
I knew that I was home.
She was my home.
I stared into her brown eyes for another long second, seeing the same girl, the same personality, the same fire and drive, the same love...
And then, ever so gently, our eyes closed and our lips touched, and once again, I was home.
My head throbbed slightly as I went through the figures on my desk once again. Working from home seemed like a good idea today, but all it did was torment me because I was stuck in my office and away from everything else.
At least I had the perks of the job. Owning my own finance business and being CEO meant that I could spend two days in the office for meetings and run downs, and I could spend three days at home, working for a few hours, answering calls, doing paper work, and then I'd be free to enjoy the rest of my day. And also the two days I took off every week.
I glanced at the clock, smiling as I realised it was 5pm. The paperwork got pushed to one side as I stood up, stretching quickly and groaning at the strain in my neck.
In the same instant, my office door opened and I grinned as the little figure outside pushed the heavy oak door with all her strength.
She walked inside the office, and I knew automatically that Bella had been keeping her outside until the clock hit 5pm on the dot.
Making her way to my desk, Renee stood with one hand on her hip, her bronze hair a wild mess as her brown eyes looked up at me with high expectations, "Daddy." She sighed loudly, (she got her dramatics from Uncle Emmett), "It's five." She nodded, and I watched with a grin as her head bobbed and she adjusted "Renee the doll" on her hip.
Yep. The tatty old doll that had once belonged to Bella, now belonged to Renee herself.
"Really?" My eyes widened, and I bent down with a grin as I began to tickle her softly, "I had no idea!"
She squealed in delight, "You should!" I picked her up, settling her on my hip as I kissed her nose, "You're a big boy. You're supposed to be able to tell the time."
"I'm sorry." I said sincerely, and I smiled as she wrapped her arms around my neck and placed a slobbery kiss on my cheek as forgiveness.
Beginning to walk to the door I stalled my footsteps as my eyes widened. Renee glanced at me expectantly, waiting for me to speak.
"Do I smell cupcakes?" I gasped.
She giggled, using her doll to cover her mouth, "Mommy is trying a new recipe. And Uncle Emmy is stealing them all."
I gasped in fake horror, running out of the office quickly and towards the kitchen, chuckling as Renee held onto me for dear life.
When we got to the kitchen, my eyes automatically landed on Bella, as always.
She looked up at me from under her lashes, smirking slightly as I put Renee down so she could go play.
I went straight over to her, ignoring Emmett as he stuffed another cupcake in his mouth and mumbled incoherent words.
Wrapping my arms around her slowly, I placed a soft kiss on her lips, "It's your day off." I noted, "Cupcakes?"
Bella owned a cupcake shop right in the heart of Seattle. She'd named it Charlie's after her father, and she spent four days a week working there.
And yet she couldn't stop herself from baking at home too.
She shrugged, "The kids wanted to decorate them. Emmett was hungry. And you were working," she smiled, running a hand down my shirt, "So I was obviously bored without you around."
Emmett made a gagging noise from behind us, reaching around our entwined bodies to grab another cupcake.
"Whatever makes you happy, Mrs Cullen." I whispered, leaning down to place a kiss on the shell of her ear.
"You, Mr Cullen." She whispered back, running her fingers down the back of my neck slowly.
I shivered, moaning lowly in her ear, low enough for only her to hear.
"Do I need to babysit for a while and give you two a half an hour to yourself?" Emmett raised an eyebrow.
"We'd need more than a half an hour." Bella grinned, letting go of me to turn back to the oven.
I let out a loud laugh, walking away from them and towards the table full of children.
Renee was only four, so she sat supervised by her two older brothers, Charlie and Carlisle, even though they were only six and seven themselves. They were pasting icing onto the cupcakes in no particular pattern. I grinned at my sons, hugging them tightly as they told me about beating Uncle Emmett at basketball earlier that day.
They were now challenging me to a battle.
"Without a doubt, I'm going to win." I smirked, and they automatically shook their heads.
"No way, daddy!"
"Yes way!" I gripped the both of them tightly, lifting them from their chairs and pushing them over my shoulders, gripping their legs tightly.
They screamed for Bella to save them, and she came rushing over automatically, pretending to berate me as she placed the boys back in their chairs and kissed the tops of their heads.
I was able to take a sneaky grab of her ass as she bent over.
Emmett bellowed from behind me.
She winked at me as I made my way over to Esme, she was only one, sitting in her high chair and munching happily on a cupcake that Emmett had clearly half eaten before he'd given it to her.
"Hey beautiful!" I grinned at her, and she squealed in delight, her arms and legs flapping wildly for me to lift her up.
I complied, pulling her from the chair and spinning her around. She placed her sticky hands in my hair and I couldn't help but laugh at the joy it brought her.
She tried her hardest to speak to me as usual, but she made no sense. Instead, I just nodded my head and answered her, making her happy that we seemed to be having a conversation.
Once she was placed safely back in her chair, I grabbed her another cupcake and she giggled in excitement.
Making my way over to Emmett, he smiled and handed me a beer.
"So how's Rose?" I asked with a grin.
He scowled, "Why do you think I'm here? I'm getting advice from Bella about what I should do. I've never dealt with a pregnant woman before."
"It's me you should be asking for advice," I smirked, watching as Bella raised an eyebrow at me, "I've dealt with a pregnant woman four times."
"What do I do?" Emmett pouted, and I almost felt sorry for him.
I stared at Bella, smiling as her beautiful brown eyes shone back at me, "You remind her every second that you love her. You tell her how absolutely beautiful she is. And that she's your home."
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