"You idiot. You colossal-"

"Exactly. That woman's done dirty, nasty, glorious things to you and you didn't even reciprocate?"

Myrtus felt his neck flush with consternation as Rubellin continued to mutter about his mental deficiencies and Tenax just stared at him. Before he could even begin attempting to explain his oversight to his friends Rubellin stopped long enough to turn, surveying the cafeteria.

"Hey. Hey, Davidson! Come here!" he flagged down a human from the PR department.

Davidson approached their table.

"What's up?"

"Say you take a woman home-"

"Dude, is this about sex? There's company harassment rules about that," Davidson stuck some french fries in his mouth, smiling mischievously.

Rubellin's mandibles tightened for a fraction and he glowered at Davidson. Tenax chuckled. Myrtus stayed silent.

"This is... I believe," Tenax ventured. "A 'bro talk'. Is that correct?"

"Okay, bro talk, sounds important," Davidson pulled a chair to sit. "Lay it on me."

"There is a woman."

"Okay."

"The woman does things," Rubellin's voice is thick with innuendo.

"What kind of things?"

Davidson watches as every single one of the three turians at the table get the same shifty, excited look. It's weird and funny at the same time.

"... Let me guess, it's kinky, huh?"

"Completely," Tenax says.

"And you like it, so what's the big deal? You guys just don't have any problem with sex," Davidson wonders where the angle is.

"That is true," Tenax nods. "So in your human opinion, is it just, fair, or-"

Myrtus made a distressed thrum from his chest.

"-at all the behavior of a gentleman to not reciprocate in any way?"

Davidson crinkles his brows, looking at Myrtus.

"Dude. Dude, you didn't get her off? … Dude."

"... I fell asleep!" Myrtus desperately whispered. "Stop looking at me like that! I couldn't help it!"

Davidson takes a pensive sip from his drink.

"Well, guys, that's more complicated. If you actually black out..."

Myrtus punches Rubellin's arm in vindication.

"And she... leaves your place before you wake up, I guess that's just what happens, right?"

"Oh, but you see, he was at her place," Rubellin punches Myrtus back. "That means he's a moron!"

"Dude."

"She even got him breakfast-"

"Dude."

"And he ate it and here he is today!"

"You fucked up, man," Davidson said decisively. "You could've done something during breakfast. Unless she was... like... not hot in the daylight?"

Myrtus makes another broken noise and Tenax suddenly cocks his head, alert.

"In the interests of getting a human's opinion, what say you? Your Three o'clock. Soup bar."

Davidson tries as casually as he can to turn his head to take a look at this mystery lady while all of the turians simultaneously ducked their heads down to resume eating.

"... Shit," Davidson swiveled in his seat and hunched down also over his food (which incidentally made their table look ridiculously suspicious). "That's Veronica Wei! Dude! You didn't say you were into humans!"

"You're right. He isn't. Because he didn't get into anybody at all last night," Rubellin sneered, taking a kick this time from Myrtus.

"Sidetracking," Tenax cut in. "Davidson. Hot or not?"

"Now that I know she can black out a turian? And whatever it was is something you can't even talk about? Majorly hot. Freaky-deaky hot. And you guys better not say anything about what I just said because this company has rules and I just started getting serious with Samantha."

tbc