Kensi & Deeks' Genius Playlist
By: Michelle Rose Landau
Summary: A soundtrack for all the various moments, memories, and events in our odd couple agents' lives.
Pairing(s): Deeks/Kensi, Jack/Kensi, implied Deeks/Trainor, Deeks/OFC
Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They are the sole creative property of CBS. I do not own any of the lyrics of songs used in this work. They are the sole creative property of the singers/songwriters.
A/N: These events/memories will not be in chronological order.
One
Grief
Building A Mystery
Sarah McLachlan
You come out at night
That's when the energy comes
And the dark side's light
And the vampires roam
You strut your rasta wear
And your suicide poem
And a cross from a faith
That died before Jesus came
You're building a mystery
1997
Kensi leaned her head up against the frosty window in the passenger side door of her grandparents' Minivan, at the height of discomfort and misery. She reached her finger up and drew HELP ME, I'M TRAPPED in the condensation on the window. Her body was stiff from sitting for hours in the van while her Grandpa Frank navigated through traffic on the Queensboro Bridge. She only vaguely remembered New York; she recalled one summer some years ago, but that was about it. She recalled even less about the two people who'd been given guardianship over her, and she wondered just at what point would her life stop being completely ruined.
It was cold, snowy, and dull, the complete antithesis to California. No more vibrant colors, no palm trees, no crisp salt air from the Pacific, no sunny days and temperate nights, no more Camp Pendleton, her little paradise on earth, her refuge. The only place she really felt was home.
Her entire life, her very being was back home in California.
Her friends, her school, her almost-boyfriend...her father's burial site.
Kensi knew that wishes were for children, that they only ever came true in cartoons with beautiful, slim figured, blonde fairies and talking crickets, but for the millionth time since those two police officers came to her friend's house asking to speak with her, she wished that it was just one big nightmare that she could wake up from at any moment.
She may have left California behind, but the confusion, anger, and deep sense of betrayal traveled with her, weighing down her already cracked and crumbling heart.
She jumped when she felt a light touch to her knee, and she looked forward and saw her Grandma Elaine turned to look at her.
Kensi took off her headphones to her CD player.
"What?"
"We were thinking of Lorenzo's Pizza for dinner," Elaine smiled. "It's the best in the neighborhood. Do you want that?"
Kensi shrugged. "Doesn't matter."
"Well, Kensi, are you hungry or not?" Elaine asked with a chuckle. "If you just want to go straight home, we can."
The fifteen year old frowned slightly. She didn't give a shit one way or another about where or what they ate, and she so badly wanted to voice that thought, but she thought of the discipline and self control her father had taught her. Always be respectful, especially to elders.
"I guess I'm not hungry then," she finally answered. "We can just go to your house."
"Okay," Elaine smiled, then she turned back around to the front.
Kensi replaced the headphones over her ears and leaned up against the window again, letting the chill course through her muscles and bones.
When they pulled up to the rather unimpressive, weather-worn house, Kensi sighed.
She opened up the door, and she stepped out into the cold night.
"Why don't you and your Grandmother go inside?" Frank suggested. "I'll get your bags and-"
"I'll get them," Kensi interrupted. "Don't worry about it. I got it."
Kensi opened up the trunk and grabbed her bags.
They led her inside, and she looked around.
Obviously, her grandmother was a little floral happy, and she had little hope for decent decor for her bedroom.
"I'll um, make you some hot chocolate," Elaine smiled. "You must be chilled to the bone."
"No thanks," Kensi said. "Um, where's my room?"
"It's the last room at the end of the hall," Frank said. "Let me show you-"
"It's okay, Grampa," Kensi smiled slightly. "Good night."
Kensi took her bags upstairs and she opened up her room. It smelled fresh, and it was warm, but as she predicted, there was nothing but pink and floral, and she hated it.
She closed the door and she rummaged through her bags.
Kensi took out the box with her father's medal and opened it before setting it on the bedside table. Next, she took out framed pictures of her father in his full uniform and herself with her father and put them on the dresser. She fished out a few books and CD cases and put them haphazardly on the dresser, then she found some pajamas.
Once she pulled them on, she laid down and stared up at the ceiling.
You live in a church
Where you sleep with voodoo dolls
And you won't give up the search
For the ghosts in the halls
You wear sandals in the snow
And a smile that won't wash away
Can you look out the window
Without your shadow getting in the way
Oh you're so beautiful
With an edge and a charm
But so careful
When I'm in your arms
Kensi checked her schedule one last time, then she took off her headphones and opened up the door to Mr. Cole's World History class.
He was in the middle of delivering announcements, and he stopped and looked at her. He had a welcoming smile, and he came over to her.
"I'm in your class," Kensi informed him.
"Yes, Kensi Blye, right?"
"Yes sir," Kensi confirmed.
Mr. Cole checked her schedule, signed off on it, then returned it to her.
"Where do I sit, sir?"
"Anywhere you like," he smiled. "Class, we have a new student joining us. This is Kensi Blye."
Kensi's eyes scanned the room, and she gave a slight smile, then she headed to an empty desk near the middle. She could feel her other peers' eyes on her as she set her things down.
"Kensi, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?"
Kensi set her book bag down, then she pushed her shoulder length hair behind her ears.
"I just moved here from California," she began.
"Whereabouts?" Mr. Cole asked.
"San Diego," she explained. "Camp Pendleton. It's a Marine base."
"Oh, your parents are in the military?"
"My dad," Kensi stated proudly.
"Have you traveled a lot?" Mr. Cole asked.
"I've been to Hawaii, North Carolina, and I spent a summer with my dad in Japan when he was stationed there."
"That's amazing," Mr. Cole complimented. "Do you speak any Japanese?"
"Very little, and not that great, sir."
"Sir," someone mocked, and the class laughed.
Kensi ignored them.
"Hey, be respectful," Mr. Cole warned before turning back to Kensi. "Well, this is World history, so I'm sure you'll have much to contribute. Welcome."
"Thank you, sir."
"Thank you, sir," the same girl mocked, and everyone laughed.
The teacher called out a warning again, and Kensi sat down.
Her first week at school went by in a blur. She was shuffled between teachers, counselors, and classes, the registrar trying to place her in the right classes at the right level. Teachers told her all week that she had excellent grades and that she would be in advanced classes. Most of the kids were nice, but she'd quickly garnered the unwanted attention of the few jerks. Before she knew it, it was Friday evening, and she was sitting at the dinner table, pushing around her mashed potatoes.
"How was your first week, Kensi?" Elaine asked.
"It was fine, Gramma..."
"You sure you can handle all advanced classes?" Frank asked.
"Yes sir," Kensi nodded. "I had all advanced classes at my old school."
Kensi finally put down her fork.
"May I be excused?"
"Sure," Elaine smiled gently.
Kensi got up and cleared her plate, then she headed upstairs to her room.
'Cause you're working
Building a mystery
Holding on and holding it in
Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
And choosing so carefully
Christmas and New Year's came and went, rather uneventfully, as her grandparents were Jewish, and did not observe Christmas. Then, she was back at school, and she ignored the anxiety that twisted in her stomach.
She'd made a good friend, Holly, and she was a nice, mousy girl with a blunt hair cut, and hazel eyes. Kensi always sought her out at lunch and during passing periods, and they walked together to their shared classes. Having a friend made the daily taunting and harassment bearable, and she even met a boy that she found herself liking.
His name was Logan, and he was a Junior.
He took a liking to her when they accidently bumped into each other in the hallway. He helped her get her bearings, and she constantly replayed the moment his hand landed on her shoulder in her mind.
Kensi and Holly were sitting on a bench during lunch in the cold.
"So, how'd your dad die?"
"Car crash...so they say."
"I'm sorry."
Kensi rolled her eyes. "What the hell are you sorry for? You know, it doesn't make people feel better when you say that."
Holly took a bite out of her sandwich.
"I know, but...what else can you say?"
Kensi pushed around her mystery meat on her styrofoam plate.
She got up and tossed it.
"You're wasting again," Holly said. "You never eat anything. You look really thin."
"I'm not hungry," Kensi said.
The bell rang.
"C'mon, let's go."
Holly gobbled down the rest of her sandwich and her chips before she threw away her trash. The girls gathered up their backpacks then headed back inside from the cold.
The hallways filled up with students, and Kensi put her headphones on.
As she and Holly walked together through the throngs of people.
Kensi didn't see the oncoming storm in the form of Heather, a curly blonde haired beauty with a nasty temper and a jealous streak. Heather had been on Kensi's case from the jump, calling her names, saying that she thought she was better than everyone...Kensi took it in stride as much as she could.
"What're you listening to?"
"Sarah McLachlan," Kensi answered.
Before she could even react, Heather grabbed the CD player out of Kensi's hand and hurled it into a locker, destroying it and the CD inside.
"You bitch!"
Kensi barely heard a word as she stared at the broken CD player.
"You better stay away from my boyfriend," Heather commanded. "Hey...are you listening to me?"
Kensi felt her heart racing in her chest, and she couldn't breathe properly.
"Y-you broke it," Kensi muttered, her own voice unfamiliar to her.
"Well, better that stupid CD player than your face," Heather threatened. "Logan is mine, you got that, California Whore?"
Kensi didn't respond, still staring at the remains.
"You answer me, bitch!" Heather demanded with a vicious shove.
The next five minutes were minutes that Kensi would never be able to recall.
You woke up screaming aloud
A prayer from your secret god
You feed off our fears
And hold back your tears
Kensi heard the muffled voices outside of her room.
"We don't know what to do," Elaine said. "Kensi won't eat, she hasn't been sleeping, she barely gets out of bed. Everyday is a struggle to get her to come out of her room. She cries for hours...what should we do?"
Doctor...
Hospital...
Treatment...
Therapy...
The door opened, and Elaine smoothed over Kensi's hair.
"Kensi...honey look at me, please..."
Kensi looked at her grandmother.
"Look, Grampa and I have talked, and...we want you to get better," she explained. "This...this isn't healthy, you understand? You can't go on like this, baby. You have school and everything. We're going to take you to people who can help you."
"I want my dad. I want to talk to my dad."
"Honey, your father is dead," Elaine said tearfully.
"I want to talk to my dad," Kensi repeated. "He said I could always talk to him."
"Kensi, you can't..."
Those words didn't register. Can't wasn't in her vocabulary.
"I want my Daddy," Kensi insisted through sobs. "I need to talk to Daddy."
"My darling-"
"Take me to my Dad now!" Kensi demanded through choking sobs.
Three days later, Kensi was running to her father's gravestone in shorts, a tank top, and sandals.
She took off her sandals and she sank to the lush green grass.
"Daddy," she whispered in a shaky voice.
She laid down on the grass, her head bumping against the headstone lightly.
She curled up, letting the warm sun cover her, pretending that the rays were her father's arms.
2006
Kensi stood at her father's gravesite.
"Hey dad," she said softly, as she smoothed over her skirt. "How do I look? I honestly feel a little silly in this monkey suit, but...I need to look professional, yet feminine, you know? I know you're probably laughing at that, but I can be feminine...when I want to be."
She bit her bottom lip.
"I want this more than anything," she continued. "I want to make you proud of me...I...I want answers, and I think NCIS will be the key. You probably want me to let it go, but I just can't, dad. I won't be able to let it go until I know what happened. I need this, daddy. I hope you understand."
Kensi pushed her hair behind her ears, then she leaned in and kissed the gravestone.
"I love you dad," she grinned. "Wish me luck."
With that, she headed back to her car. She turned it on and turned up the radio.
Yeah you're working
Building a mystery
Not all the moments will actually be like this, with Kensi or Deeks actually listening to the song, but in this chapter, Kensi took comfort in this particular song after her father's death, but the majority of it will feature a song that parallels the moment/event.
