Author's Note: Just a little drabble piece I whipped up. I have no idea where it came from. And it's most definitely not my best work. But I was determined to get something posted today. Probably still will update something else, most likely CtB, but anyway... Yup. Reviews would be very much appreciated, thank you. And my deepest apologies if this offends anyone. It's only a bit of fun, really. Disclaimer - I don't own any of it. Not one bit. I just narrated. Well, actually, if you want the straight-up truth, Vinnie narrated it. I have a bad habit of letting my characters write their own stories. It's really not healthy, but it gets the job done in the end...


The words have barely left her lips – those beautiful, beautiful lips – before I suddenly feel my breath catch painfully in my throat. And then I can't breathe. Good lord, am I… Am I having a stroke? Am I seriously having a stroke here? I can't think straight, and I can't breathe. You'd think, what with bein' best friends with a doctor for most of my life, I'd be able to recognize the symptoms of a stroke by now. Unfortunately I'm a little too busy trying to clear my air passage to focus on that. Holy… Why can't I breathe?

I'm chokin' on air, here. I'm actually… I think I may actually be choking on my words right now. A heart attack, that's what it is. I'm having a heart attack. Yeah. Extreme shortness of breath, check. My knees are going weak. Vision going hazy. Man, I hope I don't faint. Wouldn't that be embarrassing? Dizzy. Why is the room spinning? And where… Oh, there she is. Gorgeous. Absolutely, astoundingly gorgeous.

Wait, she's the problem here. And I still can't breathe! I'm choking. I swear I'm going to die from lack of oxygen. My eyes flutter a little as I fight to stay conscious. Did she really just say what I think she said? I can feel my mouth open and close like a suffocating fish. Interesting analogy, as that's pretty much exactly how I feel right now. I'm sure I look like a complete idiot. And for once in my life, I don't care. Because I freakin' can't breathe right now!

A stutter. A whimper. A whine. Anything, dang it! Anything but this choking! And go away! Stop looking at me like I'm a naïve idiot who shoulda known better! Man, I don't think I've ever wanted to yell so badly. But I can't. Because I can't breathe, and I think I'm finally starting to panic now.

Okay, first things first, I cannot have a panic attack in front of this girl. Because I've only ever had one panic attack in my life, and I have to admit it is downright embarrassing. So, if nothing else, I have got to get her out of here before I really lose it. Choking. Still choking. But I gotta push through it. Gotta… Catch my breath…

"Wh-whaddaya mean, l-like he's got a happy disposition?" Gah! My chest hurts. That probably all tumbled out in some kinda jumbled, indecipherable stammer, but at least I caught my breath. Well, some of it anyway. And now she's laughing. This isn't freakin' funny!

Oh wait. Curse my impetuous sarcasm. Leave it to me to find something incredibly and unfittingly witty to say in the most horrible of situations. Some kinda defense mechanism, I guess. But there ya have it. I try to cover by chuckling along a little, as if I'd meant to say it all along. But honestly, laughter is the last thing on my mind.

"You are funny," she comments as she – thank goodness! – strolls out the door. And not a moment too soon. Cuz that's when I lose it. I swear I'm hyperventilating now. I can't breathe, and I can't see, and I feel like I'm gonna be sick. Is that why I'm covering my mouth? Or is it to keep the screams from being heard? Yes, I'm screaming. Bloody murder, or about the closest I've ever come. I feel like I'm going to die of pure shock right now.

I mean, honestly, don't you think that, when you ask another guy to move in with you, the first thing you might wanna mention is, "Oh, hey, by the way… I'm gay."

Of course not. It's much more fun to give the poor guy a heart attack first.