Hey guys! This is the sequel to You Wont Find Her, and you WILL need to read it to understand what's going on on this story. Sorry it took me forever and a half to post this sequel. I've been highly distracted with various things in life, so yeah, I suck! Anyway, I hope you guys like it. The chapters are going to alternate POVs...Prologue's in Logan's POV, first chapter in Maries', second chapters in Logan's, and so on. Lyrics used are from Runaway Train by Soul Asylum. Chapter beta'd by the amazing Kimmae :)
RUNAWAY
P R O L O G U E
"Seems like I should be getting somewhere, but somehow I always wind up nowhere"
It's been five months since I've seen Marie face to face. Somehow, even though I promised her (and myself) that I'd go and visit, I just can't bring myself to be that close. I'm not ready yet. I think that deep down I know if I see her, I'll be forced to feel things that I don't want to feel. I know if I get too close, I'll forget about the one person I love the most: Jean. And I can't do that to Jean. I can't betray her.
I'm such a fool. I wonder what Jean would think if she could hear my thoughts and see all that's unfolded this last year in my life. Would she be angry at me? Disappointed? Seriously, what kind of guy feels this way for a girl so much younger than him? I tell you what kind: a sick bastard who gets his jollies off hooking up with girls young enough to be his daughter.
Of course, I can't exactly hook up with Marie.
At least I haven't quite thought of a way how that could work, but there might be one. But even if there was a way, I don't think I could bring myself to sleep with Marie. If I had never fallen for Jean, and I allowed myself to fall for Marie, and she didn't start dating Bobby, and wanted to be with me, I just don't think I could. It would feel wrong, because the feelings I have for Marie go beyond sexual desire. In fact, there isn't much sexual desire to speak of when it comes to Marie. But enough of playing the 'if' game. What am I, some teenage boy?
All I know is that it's been a full month since I've called her, and the reason why is very complicated. I guess I just can't face this like I thought I could. Just hearing her voice makes me feel so guilty. Seriously, why can't I just give her what she wants? Why am I so selfish? But really, I know I'm not selfish. It's probably healthier things stay the way they are, even if it's eating me alive. Honestly, I ask you, how much guilt can one man bear?
I feel guilty about my feelings for Marie. I still sometimes feel guilty for Jean's death. Excuse the cheesiness, but I feel guilty that I cannot give Marie my heart.
As if my own convictions are not enough, the day after Marie left Bobby came up to me. He did his best to pretend he wasn't intimidated and said, "Don't you dare ever break her like that again. If you do, you'll answer to me."
I smiled at him. It was so hard to keep a straight face when someone like Bobby tried to act like they were so much tougher than me. "Don't worry. I wont."
"I'm serious. If you hurt her, and I don't care whether it's intentional or not, I wont just stand by and watch her break. She's a good girl... too good for you."
What hurt the most about Bobby's little lecture is he was right. She's way too good for me. In fact, when I think about it, Jean was too good for me too. The Jean's and Marie's of this world shouldn't be with guys like me. They deserve good little boys that are like Bobby or Scott.
The tension between Bobby and me was another reason why I left. He was like a constant reminder of how things are between me and Marie. As time progressed, I just needed to forget.
So that's why I'm here at some rundown bar, drinking my seventh round of alcohol. I have to hide from the pain for just a little while, until I can regain enough strength to fight it off. I can't let my emotions get in the way like that. I'm not a fucking girl. I'm a man, and I need to start acting like one again.
