Disclaimer and Authors Note:
First, I most certainly don't own Phineas & Ferb. That would be ridiculous.
Second, my plan for this story is for it to be 26 episodes, updated weekly. I'll apologize in advance if the whole weekly thing does not happen. I'll do my best, but other obligations may get in the way.
Third, I'm all about throwing in references to the things I like. There's a huge one in this chapter, so good on you if you can spot them and tell me what the "real" source is. This sort of thing is going to happen fairly often, with ideas, quotes, and physical objects. Towards the end of the story I'm "borrowing" part of a scene from a TV show I like, so if you spot that then call me on it. It'll impress me!
Fourth, yes there will be some romance between Phineas and Isabella. It's going to start showing up towards the middle of the story. It's not the main focus of the story, but it's certainly an important plot point. This is mostly a "Don't flame me if you don't support that couple" kind of disclaimer, but it's also a "this isn't necessarily a romantic story; it's just one of the side plots" sort of disclaimer.
Fifth, just try and have fun! I made an account here just so I could write this story that's been nagging at my brain for awhile. I hope you can enjoy it as much as I do.
Here we go!
The day started out pretty normal, actually. Too bad things got out of hand in a hurry once the first machine landed. Then again, around here the most normal of days can get pretty crazy.
Episode 1: A Slight Deviation
It was a typical morning in the Flynn-Fletcher household. Phineas was staring off into space, endless possibilities in mind for the day's project. He absentmindedly scratched Perry's back, then turned to his brother. "Hey Ferb, do you think we should build the hanging gardens or the colossus today?"
Ferb looked around the tree and shrugged.
"Yeah, that's how I feel too. At first I was thinking colossus just because it's so big, but the hanging garden would make the yard look nice. I mean, we've been sitting out here all summer. A little change of scenery would be kind of nice." Ferb nodded his agreement.
"You're right!" Phineas stood and stretched. "Ferb, I know what we're going to do today!" He looked at his watch. "Do you think the greenhouse on North Star Street is open yet?" Ferb shook his head in response. "Oh that's right. They open at 11:00 on weekdays. Well, what do you want to do until they open?"
Their thoughts were interrupted when the gate to the backyard flew open. Baljeet bounded into the yard carrying a fairly large box. "Hello my friends! Look at what I finally got!"
"Hey Baljeet!" Phineas replied. "Where's Buford?
"He has a bullying workshop downtown," Baljeet explained. "This week is apparently proper noogie techniques." He frowned. "I am not looking forward to that."
"That explains it. Well, what'cha got there?"
Baljeet's expression brightened considerably. "Only the coolest, most exciting strategy board game ever!"
"Oh?" Phineas leaned in and looked at the box. "Umbra? Isn't that like the darkest part of an eclipse? How do you make a board game out of an eclipse?"
"It is just a cool sounding name for the greatest game of our time."
Phineas led Baljeet to the tree. "Well, you're certainly building up a lot of hype. Ferb, wanna give it a try while we wait for the greenhouse to open?" Ferb gave a thumbs up and stood. "Alright! Let's grab the table out of the garage. Baljeet, could you give us a hand?"
"It would be my pleasure!" Baljeet continued his cheerful bounding as the trio opened the garage.
"You must be really crazy about this game," Phineas said. He pulled the round deck table away from the wall and started rolling it towards the door. "Ferb, can you and Baljeet grab those folding chairs?"
"I cannot begin to describe how excited I am," Baljeet replied. He moved to grab a pair of folding chairs but quickly found he could only carry one. Luckily Ferb was able to pick up his slack and carry two himself. "I have been saving up all summer for this game. Hours, days, WEEKS of chores! I would have done them anyway, of course, but having a goal like this is excellent motivation!"
"Well, I hope Ferb and I can give you a good game." The trio returned to the back yard, and Phineas pulled the folding legs out of the bottom of the table. Baljeet and Ferb unfolded their chairs, and Baljeet quickly lifted the box and placed it in the center of the table.
"The object of this game is to conquer the most planets in the galaxy." He started pulling out hexagonal tiles and laying them out on the table. "These are the solar systems. As you explore the galaxy you add these tiles in the direction you move." He flipped one over to show the planets on its face. "And when you conquer a solar system, you put your markers on here."
"Seems easy enough," Phineas said. "How do you explore and conquer and stuff?"
"By building spaceships!" Baljeet dramatically dumped a pile of plastic spaceships in various colors onto the middle of the table. "And you can upgrade your spaceships by spending your money on new technology."
"Oh. Okay." Phineas shifted anxiously in his seat. "And how do you get money?"
"You get income for all the planets you own."
Phineas nodded. "Oh, I see. So you need to build a bigger empire to get more money. That makes sense." He reached into the box and pulled out the instruction booklet. "Wow. Baljeet, this instruction book is 45 pages."
"I know. Is it not the most glorious manual you've ever seen?"
"Actually-"
"Hi everybody! Hey Phineas! What'cha doin'?" Everyone turned to see Isabella walk into the yard. She had her hands folded in front of her as she approached the red-haired boy.
"Oh hi Isabella," Phineas replied, turning in his seat. "Baljeet was just showing us his new board game."
Isabella stopped and leaned on the back of Phineas's chair. "Oh? Looks complicated."
"It is." He handed her the instruction book and her face fell.
"Is this…?"
"45 pages? Yes. Yes it is."
"Would you like to play too, Isabella?" Baljeet asked. He continued to set up the pieces to the game without much thought to the trepidation of the others.
"Uh, well…"
"You might as well join us," Phineas said with a smile. "We won't have anything to do until about 11:00 anyway. Here, let me grab another chair out of the garage." He stood up and looked around. "Hey. Where's Perry?"
Perry was sneaking around the opposite side of the house. Once he was sure he was out of sight, he stood upright and placed a brown fedora on his head. After another quick glance over his shoulder, he slid around to the fence and pulled the knot out of one of the boards. He stuck his paw into the hole, pressed a secret button, then stuffed the knot back into the board.
The ground beneath him dropped out, and he slid down into his secret lair. He landed comfortably in his chair and looked up at the screen to see Major Monogram ready and waiting for him.
"Ah, there you are Agent P," the major began. "It looks like Doofenshmirtz is at it again. He's been buying up all the cell phone chargers across the Tri-State Area. We're not entirely sure what he's up to, but I do know that my battery's in the red and I don't have a charger."
"You can use mine, sir!" Carl shouted from somewhere off camera.
"For the last time, Carl! I have micro-USB and your charger is mini-USB!" Major Monogram scoffed. "See, this is exactly why we don't pay you."
"Sorry sir."
Major Monogram turned back to Perry. "Get moving, Agent P! I only have about an hour of charge left!" Perry saluted and jumped out of his chair. "Remember micro-USB, Agent P!" Monogram called after him as the platypus jumped into his hover car. "I hope he heard me."
"Sir, do you just want to use my cell phone?"
"Absolutely not! I'd be the laughingstock of the O.W.C.A. if they heard your ringtone while I was conducting top secret business!"
"It's not that bad…" Carl muttered.
"It is," the major replied definitively. "Now hand it over."
"But you just said-"
"I'll just put it on vibrate." Major Monogram crossed his arms and looked up. "Please hurry, Agent P. This is our darkest hour…"
Baljeet had finished explaining the rules, paraphrasing them better than the group had expected. They now had a reasonable understanding of how the game worked and were ready to play. Everyone chose a color to play and placed their ships and markers on their starting solar systems.
"Now remember, you want to take over more of the galaxy than your opponents," Baljeet reminded them.
"Doesn't sound too difficult," Isabella said, a hint of trepidation in her voice.
Phineas smiled at her. "Don't worry, Isabella! We're all new to this, so we'll figure it out together." He looked to Baljeet. "Ready to start?"
"Ready!"
Candace was staring out of her window at the four kids. "What are they up to? That looks way too normal for Phineas and Ferb." She took out her cell phone and dialed Stacy's number.
"Hello? Stacy? I need your advice."
"Let's see," Stacy replied. "Is this about Jeremy, or is this about your brothers?" The sound of paper rustling came over the phone. "According to my calendar, yesterday was Jeremy, so I'm guessing it's a brother day today?"
"You are NOT funny."
"So what are the little geniuses inventing today?"
"That's just it," Candace said with a sigh. "They're out there with Isabella and Baljeet and it all looks so normal. Like they're playing some kind of board game or something."
"Have you considered that maybe they're just playing some kind of game?"
"Yeah, a MIND game. On me. To make me crazy. IN MY MIND"
Stacy sighed. "I don't think you need much help."
"What was that?"
"Nothing. Anyway, until you hear the sound of power tools and carpentry, why don't you relax and do something you enjoy?"
"Because they're out there," Candace replied. "They're mocking me with their little cardboard hexagons and their plastic spaceships. They're up to something, I tells ya!"
"Well, I'm going to the mall. If you want to meet me there later after you finish your stakeout, let me know."
"Alright, alright." She paused and frowned. "Let me just go see if I can pry their evil plan out of them."
"If it's relatively harmless, call me and I'll meet you by the fountain."
"Okay, okay. I'll call you soon."
"Good. Talk to you later." The call ended, and Candace looked out the window again.
"Still no sign of giant spaceships or miniature planetoids moving around the back yard. What could they be waiting for?"
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!
Perry the Platypus dove through the window and immediately landed in a pile of tangled cell phone chargers. The more he struggled, the further he sank into the mess, eventually becoming so tied up that he was effectively trapped.
"Oh, there you are Perry the Platypus," Doofenshmirtz said from across the room. "Come in! Make yourself comfortable. I'll be with you in just a minute." The evil scientist was busy tightening a bolt with a comically large wrench. "You're actually a little later than I expected. You get tied up in traffic?"
The platypus rolled his eyes.
"Oh, right, you have that little duck-billed hovercar thing. So, how is Francis and that college kid? Doing alright?"
Perry chattered, urging Doofenshmirtz to get to the point.
"Okay, okay, jeez. I thought a little polite small talk would ease the mood but I guess we can't have that, can we Perry the Platypus?" He stepped around the far side of the machine, which was mostly concealed beneath a tarp. "Alright, cutting to the chase time."
Doofenshmirtz yanked the tarp free of the machine, revealing a giant 1980's style cell phone. A mass of wires came out the back, each of them ending in a cell phone charger plugged into a massive power strip. "Behold! My Dead Zone-inator!" He waited for Perry's reaction, but the platypus only stared at him. He continued undaunted, "You see, Perry the Platypus, one of my biggest pet peeves is when I'm out and about on the town and I'm waiting in line and someone in front of me is on their cell phone. Don't you just hate that?"
The platypus replied with a shrug.
"Good point. You don't have a cell phone. Or vocal chords. Anyway, trust me, it's really annoying. So now, with my Dead Zone-inator, I can shut off cell phone service throughout the Tri-State Area at my evil whim!
"You see, all I have to do is press the button on this remote whenever someone in line in front of me gets a call, and his call will instantly drop... along with everyone else's calls throughout Jefferson County, but it's a small price to pay."
Perry chattered and gave an unimpressed look.
"Unfortunately it takes up a lot of power since I'm basically knocking out service for the entire city, so I had to buy and steal a bunch of cell phone chargers. It's also a bit of a fire hazard, so don't tell the city inspector." Doofenshmirtz laughed nervously. "Then again, I guess it's not like this is any worse than my Implode-inator. That was… well let's just say it did what the name implied."
Perry cracked a smile but did his best to hide it.
"Anyway, it's time for the test run of my Dead Zone-inator!" Doofenshmirtz held up the remote control dramatically, then pressed the button.
A shower of sparks poured out of the machine, and the lights flickered briefly as it powered up. "Okay, so far so good. Let me see…" Doofenshmirtz took out his own cell phone and looked at the screen. He grinned and held it in front of Perry's face. "See that, Perry the Platypus? Zero bars! It's working!"
Ferb was doing quite well. Isabella had rushed into his territory thinking he was unprepared, but Ferb expertly outmaneuvered her. As she pushed forward, he cut off her flank and left much of her fleet stranded in Ferb's territory.
"Wow, nice move Ferb," Phineas said with a smile. "Looks like you might have a shot at winning." Ferb nodded at his brother. "Except of course that by flanking Isabella you left yourself open to my fleet. Guess you should have thought that through a little more."
Looking Phineas straight in the eye, he pointed down towards the table. Ferb had built the largest, most powerful space battleship in the game, and it was currently sitting only a few solar systems away from Phineas's territory.
"I don't know. I've been known to do crazier things." Phineas smiled and looked at Isabella. "And I'm sure you wouldn't mind backing me up with the remainder of your fleet, seeing as how we have a common enemy."
Isabella grinned. "With pleasure. You're going down, Ferb."
The sliding doors flew open, and Candace stampeded out. "What are you losers doing?" she demanded.
"Oh hey Candace," Phineas replied. "We're just playing Baljeet's new game. It's about space!"
"I gathered that from the cheap plastic spaceships," his sister replied. "So what's next? Are you going to BUILD a spaceship and fight a real war in space?"
"No, we were thinking of recreating the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, but it seems like the game might take awhile. We might have to put that off until tomorrow."
Candace crossed her arms and stared at him for a moment. "So if I was to, hypothetically, tell Stacy I could go to the mall with her, I'd be free to do so?"
Phineas smiled at his sister. "Aw, Candace! It's nice of you to offer, but you don't have to stick around to keep us company. Go have fun with your friends! We won't be lonely with Isabella and Baljeet here. Besides, mom's in the house baking a pie."
"That's not what I meant!"
"Oh? What did you mean?" Phineas asked, tilting his head.
"Oh, never mind!" She took out her phone. "I'm gonna call Stacy." After a few seconds, she held her phone up a little higher. "Huh. I'm not getting a signal."
A loud rumble filled the air, diverting everyone's attention from Candace. Everyone looked up to see a large object streaking across the sky. It was headed towards downtown, and it disappeared behind the neighbor's house almost as quickly as it had appeared.
Candace narrowed her eyes at her brothers. "Phineas! Ferb! What was that?"
Phineas shrugged. "Beats me. But it was cool, wasn't it?"
"No! No it was not! I'm telling mom!" She turned to walk back into the house, but Isabella tapped her on the arm.
"Candace, tell her what?"
"I… you…" She glared at Isabella, then her brothers. Baljeet tensed, waiting for his turn, but she never got around to him. "I've got my eye on you!"
"I thought you were going to the mall," Phineas said.
"Not until I find out what you're up to!" She ran to the garage and returned a few seconds later with a folding chair. With a loud thwack she unfolded it and sat it alongside the table, straddling it and leaning forward. "By all means. Continue."
Doofenshmirtz was staring excitedly his machine, and Perry saw an opportunity. He quickly grabbed a fistful of the spare chargers that had trapped him and yanked them loose from the pile. Pulling fiercely at his arm, he worked his arm free and used the chargers he had grabbed as a whip, tying Doofenshmirtz's arms together at the wrists.
"Hey, no fair! I was busy being awestruck!" Doofenshmirtz stumbled backwards, pulling at his wrists to try and separate them. In the process he dropped the remote to the floor and kicked it to the far side of the room. "Look what you made me do!"
In a flash Perry had freed the rest of his body and was running for the remote. Doofenshmirtz saw what he was doing and gave chase to the small mammal, but Perry was ready. He still held a few of the cell phone chargers and quickly whipped them around, catching the mad scientist's legs and tying them together.
Doofenshmirtz landed with a thud, all four of his limbs incapacitated. "Jeez, you made that look easy. It took me two hours to untangle three of those things and you did it in under a minute." He looked at his wrists and exclaimed, "Oh hey, micro-USB! That's what Vanessa's phone uses! Or was it mini-USB? Now I forget. Hey Perry the Platypus, do you know the difference between-"
Perry stopped running towards the remote and held up a hand to silence Doofenshmirtz. The scientist stopped and listened along with the platypus. There was a rumbling noise just loud enough to be heard over the sparks and electrical hum of the Dead Zone-inator. "That doesn't sound like my Inator. Is that coming from outside?"
A second later, something huge crashed through the side of the building. It sent pieces of metal and plaster everywhere, and Perry and Doofenshmirtz scrambled for cover. The large object slammed right into the Dead Zone-inator, crushing it along with Doofenshmirtz's aspirations. "Aw come on! That took me literally hours to build! Curse you, large unidentifiable machine-like thing!"
While Doofenshmirtz struggled with the wires that bound him, Perry cautiously approached the object. As the evil doctor had stated, it was a machine of some kind. It was shaped like a human, with a head, body, and four limbs, except it was about twenty feet tall. "What is that thing?" Doofenshmirtz asked. "Is someone else in Danville breaking into the giant robot gig?"
Perry was not sure, but he did not want to take any chances. He kept his distance, making sure the robot was not playing possum. Sure enough, after a minute it started to show signs of life, and Perry rushed over to Doofenshmirtz. "Hey, what are you doing?" With a quick yank, the knots binding the scientist fell away, allowing him use of his limbs. "Wow. You are really good at untangling these things," he said before Perry slapped a paw over his mouth.
Doofenshmirtz nodded. "Oh, I get it," he whispered. Perry pointed to a bank of computer consoles and began walking in that direction. Quietly Doofenshmirtz did likewise. They both took up a position behind the consoles that would allow them to observe the robot without being easily seen.
The machine started moving its limbs and rose to a sitting position. It pivoted its head, taking in its surroundings. Perry and Doofenshmirtz sunk deeper into the recess behind the consoles. After its brief survey, it started to speak. "Electromagnetic interference responsible for malfunction. No further damage to internals. Interference no longer present."
"Perry the Platypus, do you think he's talking about my Dead Zone-inator?"
"Life forms detected," the robot stated flatly. "Awaiting further orders."
Perry slapped a paw to his forehead. "Oh, so this is my fault now?" Doofenshmirtz said loudly. The robot began approaching. "I guess I could see how you might think that, actually." He took a step out from behind the console and stretched his arms wide. "I hope you come in peace, seeing as how you wrecked my wall there."
"Orders retrieved. Organic life forms must be subjugated."
Doofenshmirtz stopped and raised a finger. "Hey! If anyone's going to be doing any subjugating around here it's gonna be me." Perry chattered from somewhere behind, and the evil scientist looked back over his shoulder. "No, Perry the Platypus. This robot thinks he can muscle in on my evil territory."
A laser beam whizzed past Doofenshmirtz's face, and he turned back towards the robot. A cannon protruded from its right hand. "Norm!" Doofenshmirtz shouted, then dove for cover.
Norm the robot burst into the room through the door, knocking it off its hinges in the process. "What is it, sir?"
"We have an uninvited guest," Doofenshmirtz shouted from behind a box of unassembled scrap parts.
"Why hello there!" Norm said cheerfully. "I do apologize, but you are not welcome on these premises. Please remove yourself before I am forced to take physical action."
The intruding robot stopped and turned its head towards Norm. "Mechanical life form interfering with mission. New orders requested."
"I do not think you heard me," Norm said, moving towards the machine. "Please leave, and do try to have a nice day."
The other machine started walking towards Norm, towering over him by over five feet. "Orders received. Hostile machine elements must be purged." Each of the robots drew closer to each other, preparing for combat.
Next time:
Norm and the intruding robot face off, with the resulting battle spreading across downtown Danville. As the battle subsides, Perry finds himself in an unexpected situation that may not have an easy solution.
The next episode of Protection of the Cosmos: Something That Changes Everything
