I'd been afraid of a lot of things when I was a pup. But I was okay because my dad had always been there to comfort me, saying, "The only thing to fear is fear itself, my darling Kia, and once you get over that fear, there's nothing to fear at all" because my kind isn't supposed to be afraid. We may not be like the avians, who show no feeling at all, but fear makes us weak, and we can't be weak.
This was before he died, he'd been Alpha and a more dominant wolf killed him for the spot. Since then, nobody has been there to comfort me when I got scared but myself, and soon, I stopped being scared.
The wind whipped past me, I would have been cold if I hadn't had all that fur. Running helped me clear my head, something I needed dearly right now. I was alone, and being alone made me more solitary than probably necessary. I kept my mouth shut, and my head down, hoping I wouldn't have to raise it.
My life hadn't always been like this. There was a time when I'd been a bouncing pup. But I'd grown up with only the love of the maids who'd taken care of me, but they hadn't had much time for an orphan pup. This had made me hard enough that I had no friends, because in a world like this, love made you weak, and I couldn't afford to be weak.
So I ran now, trying to rid myself of thoughts that I didn't want to think, my paws going faster than ever before and the forest blurring past faster than I could see. My breath came out hard and short, and when I got too tired, I skidded to a stop.
I'd never gone this far out of wolf territory before and I didn't recognize my surroundings anymore. Looking around, all I could see was the dark forest, but my scent trail stood out clear like water and blood. I started to follow the trail back home to the rest of the pack, then stopped. Did I really want to go back? I was an outsider among the wolves, a dominant female always was, but I felt… more so, somehow. I had to ask myself, did I really want to go back to a home that hadn't been my home for such a long time. No, I didn't. I couldn't.
My feet led me away from the trail and soon, I had picked up pace until I was running full tilt away from the place where I had grown up. I didn't look back, not until later.
