Eight Weeks
A/N: Hello! So this has been floating in my head since 'The Break-Up' (sobs) and I just really wanted to write it and get it out of my head so I thought I'd share it with you all. I debated for a long time as to how I was going to right it and decided on just doing it in two parts. I hope you guys like it and please, please leave me a review!
I'm going to put a WARNING on this, it won't get any more graphic than this first part but if you might be triggered by depression or mentions of rape please do not read on. I rated it T because it doesn't go into great detail of anything but let me know if I should change it or not, I'm not really sure.
I don't own Glee or it's characters.
He could feel soft, loving kisses on his neck and long, graceful fingers tangled in his curls. Everything was warm and full of love. Kurt brought his lips back up to hiss and the two boys shared a passionate kiss. Kurt pulled away to look at him as he smiled up at his boyfriend.
Blaine opened his mouth to whisper a sweet "I love you" but it went unheard as Kurt's face began to change. Blaine stared in confusion, watching his boyfriend's beautiful features morph into a completely new face.
"Kurt?"
Everything became cold and dark and suddenly Blaine felt strong hands push him down and pin his wrists above his head. He couldn't see anything and was only able to take short, shallow breaths. Then Kurt began to kiss him again but it was different than before. These kisses were rough and greedy; there was no love in them, they didn't feel right at all. Blaine tried to push him off but he couldn't move.
"Kurt, what- stop," Blaine spoke loudly between kisses, "stop!" Kurt pulled away for a moment and Blaine gasped when the face he saw didn't belong to Kurt at all. The eyes staring back at him were cold and the grin that spread across the person's face made Blaine's stomach drop.
"Eli?"
He felt sick. He couldn't breathe or move. The strong hands were still gripping Blaine's arms and he could feel them starting to bruise. Eli began moving against Blaine, stealing kisses. Blaine tried to fight against his hold but the other boy was too strong. This isn't right; he should be kissing Kurt. Where did Kurt go, why wasn't he there?
"Please stop, I do want th-," Blaine was silenced again with a rough kiss. Tears stung his eyes. He was scared. He wanted it to stop, he told Eli to stop! Blaine fought harder now trying to get Eli off of him but his arms wouldn't move, he couldn't move. He tried to yell again but nothing came out. He was stuck, something was pressing on his lungs. All he could feel were hot tears running down in face and Eli on top of him, his hand running down Blaine's stomach and then everything went black.
Blaine woke up shaking. He was drenched in sweat and his eyes felt puffy from crying. He stared into the darkness trying to steady his breathing and slow down his speeding heart. He reached over to the table beside his bed for his phone and opened his contact list, finding Kurt's name. Then he stopped.
This is what has happened every night for the past eight weeks, two entire months without Kurt. They hadn't officially said they were broken up, but Blaine just knew that he had lost him. The look on Kurt's face when Blaine told him he had been with someone else was constantly haunting him. But every time after having one of these dreams the only voice Blaine wanted to hear was Kurt's.
But Blaine didn't have Kurt anymore.
The days were now simply following a routine. Wake up, go to school, come home, and go to bed. He still went to Glee club but just sat in the back and waited for the end. He still ate dinner with his family but didn't talk about his day. He still did his homework but he didn't really care anymore. Nothing felt important. His thoughts were scarred with what he did. How much he messed up. Everything was his fault.
And he missed it, the days before things went to far. He missed Kurt. He missed calling Kurt, even if it was just for a few minutes between classes. He missed performing in Glee and he missed looking forward to waking up the next day. He missed not being afraid of his thoughts and he missed not having to blame himself for ruining the best thing that had ever happened to him.
He didn't talk to anyone, and everyone was quiet around him. Sam was the only person to really start a conversation with him at lunch. Talking about his ideas for school council or glee club. Blaine thought he almost didn't even seem to notice that Blaine was spiraling. Sam talked to him though, filling the spaces where normally Blaine would respond himself.
Nobody ever said anything when Blaine didn't volunteer for solos. They would just be glad that they could have one instead. Blaine didn't notice Sam's concerned look after a week of not hearing Blaine sing.
Blaine walked through the halls with his head down. He kept his books pressed to his chest, his arms wrapped around them tightly. He avoided eye contact with everyone and didn't dare to bump into people walking past him.
Blaine ate dinner silently. His parents not asking him questions, but eating in the quiet as well.
Blaine went to do his homework. Mechanically writing answers down, seeing but not reading the words on the page.
Then he pulled on pajamas, turn off the light, and put his head on the pillow. He waited for sleep to come. He stared at the ceiling that he couldn't see in the dark. He ignored the hot tears that fell. He took deep, shaking breaths. He kept staring straight ahead. He didn't dare close his eyes because he knew as soon as he saw the back of his eyelids his nightmares would take over. He couldn't close his eyes. He would wait for sleep with his eyes open, secretly hoping that it never came.
For eight weeks.
The hallway was too loud. Lockers were slamming too hard and people were talking too much. Every sound made Blaine's head pound. He grabbed the book he needed for first period and turned to go, running right into another person. Blaine yelped and dropped his books, papers flying everywhere. Whoever Blaine had run into just kept walking and said nothing to Blaine, who was frozen. His heart was pounding in his chest and everything felt heavy. He tried telling himself he was fine, he was just startled, nothing had happened. But he just felt scared. The hallways became empty without Blaine noticing and he didn't hear when the bell rang. He just stood in the hall, trying to make the dark thoughts go away.
He jumped when he felt a hand on his arm. When his eyes looked over to meet Sam's, Blaine crumbled. His slid to the floor and let tears fall down his cheeks. Sam picked up the papers that Blaine had dropped, trying to make sure he got all the ones that had been kicked around as students rushed to class.
When Blaine saw his binder set down on the floor beside him he looked up. Sam was staring back at him, a confused but concerned look on his face.
"Blaine? Are you alright, man?" Sam was nervous to talk to a crying Blaine, he wasn't used to comforting really and he didn't want to upset Blaine more.
Blaine dropped his gaze and didn't say anything for a moment before shaking his head slowly. Sam moved closer to him trying to make eye contact again.
"Do you want to talk or something? Or should I call someone?" Sam tried to keep his voice calm as he panicked inside. He didn't know what to do, what would he say if Blaine decided he wanted to talk? He wished someone else was here doing this. But Blaine is my friend he thought I just have to suck it up and be here for him.
Blaine's head was spinning. Someone was talking to him. Sam. Sam is talking to you.
But he couldn't respond, so he just shook his head. He wanted to so home, curl up in his bed and stare at the ceiling. Someone started yelling. He didn't want to think anymore, he just wanted everything to go away.
"-away! GO AWAY!"
"Blaine, shh. It's okay, it's okay." Sam spoke, trying desperately to stay calm. Blaine just shook his head again, he was still crying. Sam was scared; he didn't know what he was doing. He slowly reached toward Blaine and placed his hand on his shoulder in a manner that he hoped was comforting. He was wrong.
Blaine jumped back and stared at Sam, his eyes wide and still full of tears. Then he ran.
Blaine woke up in a pitch-black room screaming. His face was soaked in sweat and tears. He sat up slowly and cried. Then he was staring at Kurt's name again on his phone. His heart ached to hear the boy's beautiful voice again. He just wanted to listen to Kurt talk to him. As fresh tears threatened to spill he closed out of the contact screen and saw 6-missed messages. He hadn't checked his phone all day but 6 messages was still surprising. Blaine opened them and saw Sam's name appear. He instantly felt guilty for how he acted with Sam earlier. He didn't mean to yell at him or run from him but he hadn't known what he was doing anymore. Blaine pushed the feeling away while he read the messages.
Hey Blaine, I just wanted to see if you were okay. You um, seemed pretty upset about something earlier so uh, yeah. –Sam
I just wanted you to know that I'm cool with what happened earlier. Well I mean, not cool with the fact that you were upset but I don't judge you man, text be back. –Sam
Blaine, is everything okay? –Sam
I'm kinda starting to worry here man, what's going on? –Sam
Blaine? –Sam
Please talk to me Blaine, if you need someone to talk to. I'll listen and I'll try my best to help you. Really. Blaine? –Sam
Blaine stared at the last message for a moment. Sam wanted to listen to him; he wanted Blaine to talk to him. But Blaine wasn't sure if it would matter, Sam already knew what Blaine had done to Kurt. He was probably the only person who didn't hate him for it though.
What would he even say to Sam? What would he say to anyone? The talking was done; he told Kurt that he had cheated on him. It was done. Kurt could move on. And Blaine would be here, hating himself forever for messing everything up and hurting the person he loves the most.
And yet there was this tiny voice in the back of his head telling him he didn't have to carry all of the blame. But he always shoved it away. He had gone to Eli's house. He had let Eli kiss him. And he couldn't stop what happened next. It happened and he couldn't stop it and now he could never take it back.
But in this moment, the voice got louder.
I said no.
A/N: So that's the first part, please, please let me know what you think of it!
