A/N: Okay so I was reading a fanfiction based on Kyo's pain. So I thought this up and just wrote it all down. I am hoping to keep this going, and not be able to finish it like Promise Me. And I am very sorry for that. Seriously. I am. Anyway please please please review! It means a lot to me and shows me that people are actually reading what I'm writing and it's not all just pointless! I promise you, this is not the end. And Kyo sure as hell better survive this or I don't know what I'll do! Okay, peace out!
Worthless
Why even bother? Why should I even try to deny every insult? Every accusation? Especially when it's true? I AM worthless. I AM stupid. I AM a monster. I DID kill my mother. And I CANT'T do anything right. Yuki, even if I hate him so much, I will admit that he is perfect. He can beat me every time we fight. And I trained more than him.
Years longer than him. And he just sees me as a fly on the windshield, which you can brush off with the minimum of effort. Even if I try my hardest to stay put. Nobody wants me. Nobody cares. Except for maybe Tohru, but she cares for everybody. Even if she's never said more than a few words to them. So she can't really count Tohru, she cares so much about everybody. I don't deserve to even consider myself her friend. Let alone care for her the way I do. I'm self centered, cocky, blunt and stupid. Just a worthless monster.
"Dinner!" I heard Tohru call, cutting off my train of thought. But I won't go down. I'll just insult her cooking because Yuki got me all riled up. And then feel horrible and leave anyway. I can eat later.
"Ugh I need to go cool off my head," I moved to the window and threw it open with a loud bang. The wind blew into the room, throwing the homework on my desk around in a swirl of air. I pulled my torso from the room into the night and flipped my legs over me, landing on the ground with a soft thud. Looking back to my room, I heard the door open. Assuming that it was Tohru, I sprinted into the trees without a second thought. The air was cool but felt good against my overheating head. The trees blurred past me as I tore through the woods, hundreds of eyes followed me as I sped past. I ran off the main path and into the denser trees. I slowed to a walk after about five minutes of running, and slowly caught my breath. I slithered around trees, zigzagging through them, finally reaching my destination; I placed my hands against the cool bark of the old tree, and slid inside the large crack sprouting from the forest floor. The tree was hollow and I barely fit inside, digging my hands into the rotting wood, I pulled myself higher and higher until I was shooting up the tree at an unbelievable pace. The inside was wet and obviously rotting away, the bark crumbling in my grasp. It smelled wet and musky. My hands slipped through the rotting wood a few times but I made my way to the top, with few problems. There was an opening in the tree, looking onto the tree tops and frosty fall night. The opening was just beneath a sturdy branch, which was the highest I could go safely. But at this moment, I really couldn't care less, crawling out of the hole I dug my nails into the soft bark and swung myself onto the side of the tree and began climbing higher and higher. I felt the tree sway under me and creak from time to time. When I stopped at last, I could see Tohru, wandering around, miles away from Shigure's. Her voice found its way to my ears, calling out for me.
"Damn it" She must have seen me book it and come looking for me. I looked at her again and saw her trip over a clearly visible tree root. She is so hopeless, but it's funny to watch.' I guess I should get her' I thought I looked down, gauging he distance between me and the ground. About 50 or 60 feet, man this tree was tall, and I sure as hell can't jump. The tree closest to me was about 40 feet so I could jump from this tree to that one. But I would have to move down a bit. Steading my hands, I gripped at the tree while making my way back down about 10 feet. After I got down to an appropriate height, I steadied myself, and leap to the tree which is about 6 feet away. I land in a prickly bed of needles and begin to fall through at an alarming rate. My hands gripped onto a thorny branch, cutting one of my palms and allowing warm blood to seep from it. I looked down to realize that I'm jumping distance from the ground. I released my death grip on the tree and fall to the ground. Standing up from my crouched position I see Tohru sitting on the ground in front of me, her knees are scratched up from tripping over that root I assumed. Silently I held out my non cut up hand to help her up, she grabs it gratefully and allows me to pull her up. She opened her mouth to say something but I interrupted her by putting my hand to her mouth. I shook my head and she seems to understand that I don't want to talk. We walked back wordlessly to the house.
Stepping on the porch I walked inside after Tohru and began to walk in the direction of my room. I muttered a goodnight to Tohru and headed on upstairs. The stairs creaked under my weight as I made my way up them to me bedroom. Opening the door, I shut it and walked the few steps to my bed before dropping onto it, allowing unconsciousness to spread over my mind. After what seemed like five seconds, my door is thrown open and I am pinned to the wall. I open my eyes to meet Yuki's furious ones glaring at me with an unimaginable hate. His hand had wrapped around my neck pressing me into the wall. I clenched my hand into a tight fist and see his eyes flicker to it. Now that he knows I could hit him, I won't. I'll just end up getting hurt.
"What do you want" I rasped out. His hand was tightening around my throat, making it difficult to breathe, let alone speak.
"You stupid cat. Would you stop being so damned selfish and stop making Miss. Honda worry about you. She cut open her hand trying to find you" He snarled into my face. My eyes widened at his statement,
"I di-"
I am aware that you did not know. Because you are too selfish to notice. You worthless cat, you shouldn't have been born." His voice dropped and hissed out at me like a snake.
"Then maybe I'll just rid you of my burden." I wheezed. I saw his eyes widen a fraction of an inch before he kicked my chest into the wall, I heard my ribs snap and crack. A sharp pain ripped through my chest, but not from the hit. I tried to take a deep breath, but just ended up couching. I felt heat splash into my palm and I looked to see my hand covered in blood.
"He's right. I shouldn't have been born. I should just die" I muttered to myself, while wiping blood from my lips. All I do is hurt people and cause them back luck. I'm no good. For anything. The world doesn't need me anyway.
Making up my mind, I walked over to my desk and open the bottom drawer on the left side. Pulling out the object and weighing it in my palm. The metal grazed against my skin as I looked it over. My fingers were trembling when I flipped down the catch. My hand began to shake, as did my resolve. I though over it all again. How I killed my mother, And caused harm to Tohru, even if it wasn't intentional. And how I was a sick monster. I deserve this fate. But ii hope Tohru knows that I'm sorry.
My hand was steady as I lifted it to the side of my head. The cool metal pressed against my skull, and I tightened my grip. Looking out my window I saw a mouse sitting on the window sill. It looked at me with taunting eyes, Just like Yuki's, but I could hear him talking to Tohru downstairs, so it wasn't him. The rodents eyes blinked up at my with the same look and I lost it. Then I pulled at the trigger, which would soon end my pathetic excuse for a life, a little more. One more movement would set it off.
And finally, I gave up deliberating it, and pulled the trigger all the way back. I heard a faint click and then nothing. I'm sure everyone heard it. And I bet Akito laughed.
