Masked-Write-In-Disguise: Alrighty, people. This story attacked me; like jumped out of a bush bearing kunai and a sword attacked me. It was kinda annoying, but I just had to write it because some of my stories are like that. I don't really mind though. I think its really good and a lot of my friend inadvertently got addicted to it…and they're kinda really not gay, into rape, or any mix of the two…unless its for me.
This story also hints at just about every popular Sasuke pairing, (SasuNaru, SasuSaku, SasuSai, KakaSasu, OroSasu) but there are no pairings intended. If you were looking for a nice fluffy story then turn away because this really isn't nice and fluffy. There are also hints on non-con throughout the story.
Well, anyway. Here's the story. Enjoy!
Summary: The waves had stopped ramming against him and the hands weren't gripping quite as tightly and the whispers were further away. Sasuke's body felt heavy, as if everything wrong that he'd ever done had been suddenly dropped onto his shoulders. Sasuke was starting to wake up.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto; I'm just borrowing the characters for a short period of time…and honestly, if I owned Naruto, do you think I'd be writing this?
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The Dawn
By: Masked-Writer-In-Disguise
The shackles bit into his wrists and ankles. The stone dug into his back, and the cold of his cell sunk into his sink and bones. No food had been given to him for three days and he only got one small cup of water a day. He didn't remember how he got there, and right now he really didn't care. Everything hurt and everybody hurt him. Right now his life consisted of beatings, torture, rape and utter humiliation. He was no longer mentally here. His mind was in happier times; times when he went on missions with his team, when he ate ramen with them, when he trained with them.
The young man was no longer mentally here. Blue eyes stared at him in his minds eye as the door to his cell opened. Strong arms wrapped around him protectively as the whip made contact with his already torn body. His sensei showed up late for training as he took a kick to the ribs. A voice shouted 'teme' as he was thrown against the stone wall. Pink hair flashed into his vision as he crumpled to the ground. Sensei pulled out his orange book and waited as a hand tangled itself in his hair. He and his fellow Genin stood in a room waiting for further instruction from the Chunnin exam proctor as his body was pulled up and he was pushed against the wall. Mismatched eyes watched him perform chidori as his legs were forced apart. His sensei sealed him as the man entered him. A hand wrapped around his wrist and gold flashed across his mind as the man finished. Naruto shouted, "I love you, Sasuke!" and he crumpled to the floor. Sasuke was no longer mentally here.
Tears ran down Sasuke's face and the prisoner knew his walls were breaking; his memories were fading. He could feel the pain now. He could feel it more every day. Every time he was taken it hurt a little more. Every time he was beaten he responded just a little more. Sasuke could no longer feel the tears from the rape; could no longer hear the men moan when they came inside of him, but his walls were cracking; his defenses crumbling; his will was almost gone. Sasuke didn't think that he'd make it to the end of the year. His body was failing him and he'd already gone through two years of this; two years of pain; two years without the sun; two years with his fading memories; two years of not knowing if the blonde boy that had come after him to save him was alive; two years with the guilt of the blonde's possible death on his broken shoulders. The door opened and the sound of tin scraping against stone filled the room. The tray hit the prisoner's head lightly. The young man didn't react. He couldn't move his body. Sasuke was no longer mentally here.
Hours passed; days passed. It could have been seconds or minutes, but Sasuke didn't know. The young man didn't care. Black orbs opened and were greeted by a deeper black. He couldn't see the room; didn't want to see the room. He couldn't see his chains; didn't want to see his chains. He couldn't see his food; didn't care if he couldn't see his food. He couldn't see the closed door; didn't want to see the closed door.
Sasuke wanted the door to open; wanted to see the door stay open; wanted the door to let him go. The boy wanted his chains to break; wanted to be free; wanted to get up and walk out. Sasuke wanted to go home.
Sasuke wanted to go home and hang out with his sensei and teammates. He wanted to train with Naruto. He wanted Sakura to be her usual, bubbly self. He wanted to see his sensei smile, read porn, show up late for training. He wanted to yell at Naruto, call him an idiot, see him smile. He wanted to ignore Sakura, watch her bluntly turn down Naruto's advances, get annoyed at her for constantly fawning over him. Sasuke wanted to smile, to laugh, to get angry, feel sad, to visit his family's shrine, to see his brother as he used to be. Sasuke wanted to feel. He wanted to feel something other than the numbness that permeated his body; numbing his reactions; protecting him from the pain. Sasuke wanted to be free.
But he wasn't. Sasuke would probably never be free from this place. He would probably die in this place. The raven wouldn't laugh, cry, train with Naruto, sleep beneath the stars, sit around a campfire, or watch his sensei smile or read his porn. He wouldn't get to ignore Sakura or eat ramen with Kakashi or Naruto. He wouldn't see his homeland or visit his family's shrine or clean his house or watch fireworks on New Years' Eve. He wouldn't watch the sunset from the Hokage monument with Naruto.
He wouldn't see the dawn.
Sasuke moved his hand to the tray and grabbed the stale half-loaf of bread and brought it to his chapped lips. He tried to eat, but his body wouldn't keep it down. The food came back up and pooled where his head would have been. Sasuke pushed his body away from the acidic pool, but the smell followed.
Sasuke collapsed. His body was too heavy for him right now. He could barely support his head.
His body was tired. His mind was tired. His emotions were practically gone. His sanity was fraying at the edges. He couldn't take anymore pain. His mind would shatter long before his body did. He wanted to go home.
Sasuke closed his eyes again. There was no change in the lighting. He could probably fall asleep with eyes open, but his body was used to having them closed. Old habits die hard. His breathing evened out and his mind wandered back home, to his sensei and teammates, to his generation of shinobi. He walked through his memories; through the academy; through the Chunnin Exams; through training with his team; through holidays spent with Team 7.
The prisoner didn't wake up when the door opened. He didn't wake up when the light fell across his battered body. He didn't wake up when a person knelt beside him. He didn't wake up when gentle hands fell to his body. He didn't wake up when his chains were broken and his body was lifted. He didn't wake up when a familiar voice started whispering soothing nothings in his ear. He didn't wake up when the person carried him out into the dimly lit hallway or when they were joined by two other people or when they exited Orochimaru's lair. He didn't wake up when his body was laid gently onto a comfortable mattress or when the three people manipulated his body to dress his many wounds.
Sasuke was floating; floating in a sea full of familiar smells and sounds. His memories washed over him in tidal waves, but Sasuke couldn't react. He could only float in the familiar sea and watch his life from his earliest, fuzziest memory to his latest fuzziest memory. Emotions paraded past him in a seemingly never-ending stream; happiness, love, sadness, anger, jealousy, regret, desolation, hate. Faces he remembered features of but couldn't place a name to marched in a zigzagged pattern past his motionless, floating self. Sounds barraged his senses, disorienting him; the open market, Naruto yelling at him, the screams of his family, the voice of his sensei, rain hitting the window, laughter, music.
Every now and again he'd hear snatches of a conversation, probably about him, being carried on in a world that Sasuke wasn't quite ready to join yet.
"Sensei, will he be alright?" the most familiar voice would ask.
"Yes, Naruto. He'll be fine. Sasuke just need to wake up," the other familiar voice would reply.
"Why do you two care for him so much?" a third, unfamiliar voice entered the conversation, sounding confused.
"Because he's our teammate," the second voice stared.
"-and we love him," the first voice finished. "Don't tell him I said that."
A chuckle followed.
Sasuke smiled and he was floating again. Wave of blackness crashed against him. Hands of hopelessness grasped at his limbs. Whispers of promises echoed through is mind, promising to take away the pain and the sorrow, the feeling of their bodies against his, in his, touching his. Sasuke was tempted to give into the waves and hands and comforting whispers, but he wanted to wake up. He didn't care where he woke up, but he had to keep fighting. He had to make it home.
Sasuke didn't know how long he had been floating. It seemed like an eternity and only a few seconds all at once, but the waves had stopped ramming against his body and the hands weren't gripping quite as tightly and the whispers were further away. Sasuke's body felt heavy, as if everything wrong that he had ever done had been suddenly dropped onto his broken shoulders. Sasuke was starting to wake up.
The young man's body began to respond to the outside world and he became acutely aware that he was no longer lying on a stone floor but on comfortable, if somewhat stiff, mattress. Next he noticed the warm body lying next to him. Then the scents assaulted him; dead leaves, crushed grass, blooming flowers, earth and acrylic paint. He wasn't in a dungeon where the scents consisted of fresh blood, dried blood, puke, bodily excrements and rape.
Sasuke opened his eyes and was immediately blinded by the light. It was only moonlight falling over the bed from the uncovered window, but it was as if the sun itself had suddenly taken up residence in the room for one whose eyes had grown accustomed to the lightlessness of a dungeon. Slowly the black orbs adjusted enough for him to take in his surroundings. Two beds, a small table, a desk, a TV, a bathroom. Sasuke had been taken to a hotel.
The body next to Sasuke emitted a low groan and rolled over. Sasuke's head snapped back to the other occupant and gasped. Kakashi lay in the bed next to the young man, maskless, but it wasn't the man's face that caused the raven to gasp, although it was very beautiful. It was the fact that his sensei was in the same room as he was. He wasn't in a lightless cell in a dungeon. He was in a moonlit room on a comfortable bed with his sensei, maybe to rest of his team. With that thought, the raven struggled to sit up and look around. The moonlight was bright enough for Sasuke to see two body-shaped lumps in the second bed. One had golden hair, but the other one had dark hair, not pink, and Sasuke felt a slight twinge in his chest.
The young man couldn't hold his body up anymore, so he let himself fall back into to bed. It was then that he realized that he was still naked, but he wasn't dirty or bloody, but bandaged and clean. Sasuke sighed deeply, relieved. He looked over at his sensei again. The young man's finger twitched. He wanted to touch his sensei, to fell his face and hair. To make sure it was real, not a dream, a figment of his imagination. A pale hand raised slowly, shakily, to brush lightly against a cheekbone. Then it pressed harder and moved, taking it in, feeling the skin, running over the bridge of the nose, touching the vertical scar through the left eye. Mismatched eyes popped open and immediately softened. Sasuke felt a wetness on his cheeks. He hadn't realized he'd been crying. A sob wracked to young man's frail body as Kakashi's arms wrapped around him comfortingly.
"Shhh, it's ok. You're safe. We won't let anyone hurt you. Shhh…" Kakashi whispered into his student's ear as he let to boy cry on him. "Naruto's here. We have a new teammate called Sai. Sakura is training with Tsunade-sama…"
Sasuke sobbed harder, gasping for breath. The breath he did get was painful and got stuck in his throat, forming a lump that made swallowing impossible. He cried for what seemed like hours, but was probably only a few minutes, half-hour tops, but he didn't care. He was free, with is teammates and his sensei in a hotel room, not a dark dungeon. Sasuke could train with Naruto, eat ramen, visit his family's shrine, go to training with Kakashi, yell at Kakashi for being late, ignore Sakura, watch the sunset from the Hokage monument.
Sasuke would see that dawn. He would see the sun come over the horizon, painting the sky red, orange, rose pink, lavender, all fading into a starspeckled royal purple and navy blue canvas. He would see the sun rise into the sky; colors fading into a baby blue.
Kakashi rubbed soothing circles on Sasuke's bandaged back, letting the boy cry. The boy needed this; needed the comfort, the support, to rid himself of the conflicting emotions. The boy needed to cry.
Slowly, Sasuke's sobs slowed down, coming later and later, fading away, before disappearing completely. The boys arms wrapped around Kakashi's waist like a child wrapping its arms around its teddy bear; strictly for comfort. Kakashi smiled and hugged Sasuke closer like a parent to a scared child. Sasuke smiled and laughed painfully. He was happy and sad and excited and new and old and grown up or newly born. He wasn't sure anymore, but he didn't care.
"Sensei," Sasuke choked out around the lump still in his throat from crying. He really didn't need to say anything else; he just needed to say something to confirm what his eyes and hands had told him.
"Yeah, I'm here," Kakashi replied with a smile. He understood; understood completely. "I'm here."
Naruto woke up suddenly as if cold water had been poured on him and the movement drew Sasuke's eyes. Naruto was sitting up, blankets pooled in his lap, eyes wide open and a slight sheen of sweat over his face, neck and bear torso. Naruto's eyes darted around the room, quickly taking everything in, assessing possible dangers, meeting Sasuke's eyes. Blue eyes widened and Naruto's blankets piled onto the other lump, Sai, effectively waking him up, and Naruto was on Sasuke and Kakashi's bed before either of them could blink.
Sasuke's pale hand came up again, confirming Naruto as real. Bandaged fingers traced over tan skin, closed eyelids, pink lips, whisker-like scars, the bridge of a nose, eyebrows forehead. A few stray tears clinging to dark eyelashes desperately let go, sliding down pale cheeks to a pale chin, where they dropped to be absorbed by Kakashi's shirt; leaving darker spots on dark fabric as the only sign of their brief existence. Sasuke smiled and a few more tears fell, following the paths of their predecessors.
"I-I thought," Sasuke stuttered.
"I know, but I'm not, so don't worry," Naruto replied to the unfinished comment. "Don't worry."
Sai came up behind Naruto. Sasuke knew it was Sai because he was the only one left. Black eye stared into chocolate eyes; distrustfully, warily, curiously.
"Oh, teme 1, meet teme 2," Naruto introduced his two teammates to each other. "Did I wake you up?"
"Yes," Sai replied groggily.
"Good," Naruto bit out.
Sasuke smiled a watery smile. Familiarity was good; he needed it.
"Alright, boys. We should probably let Sasuke get some sleep. He's exhausted," Kakashi interrupted the boy quietly.
Sasuke shook his head viciously. He didn't want them to leave him. His arm tightened around Kakashi's waist, which caused Kakashi to look down at his student and the two other boys to freeze or come back to the edge of the bed. Naruto looked at Kakashi, puzzled.
"Sasuke?" Naruto whispered.
"Don't go, please," Sasuke whimpered and tears started to leak past his tightly closed eyelids.
"We're not going anywhere," Kakashi murmured and Sai sat down on the bed next to Naruto.
"Alright, sensei, scoot over. We're all sharing this bed tonight," Sai stated matter-of-factly.
Kakashi smiled his trade mark smile, which looked pretty weird without his mask, and Naruto scowled, mumbling something about sharing a bed with two bastards he called his best friends and a perverted sensei.
"Shut up, dickless," Sai smacked Naruto on the back of the head as the battle between four space-loving males for bed space began. Sai got the right edge if one was lying on the bed. Naruto was between Sai and Sasuke and Kakashi go the left edge. Sasuke was on his left side, draped across Kakashi, with Naruto pressed against his back. Sai's arm was around Naruto waist to keep himself on the bed while Kakashi was on his back.
Silence mixed with moonlight, creating a peaceful atmosphere. Breathing could be heard. Then, "Well, this is comfy," Kakashi broke the silence. Naruto laughed; Sai smiled; Sasuke sighed and tightened his arms around his sensei. The breathing around Sasuke evened out and became deeper, calmer, but Sasuke wasn't tired. He didn't want to sleep, and neither did Kakashi. The older shinobi was breathing as though he was sleeping, but he was awake, probably waiting for Sasuke to fall asleep.
"When are we going home?" Sasuke asked weakly, his voice hoarse from under-use, screaming and crying.
"Day after tomorrow. Go to sleep, Sasuke," Kakashi whispered, but he sounded like he was rasping and rumbling to Sasuke, who had his ear pressed against his sensei's chest.
"I don't want to. Everything could disappear," Sasuke whimpered, eyes focused on the royal purple, navy blue, black with silver pinpricks sky through the uncovered window. He had almost forgotten what the night sky looked like.
"If this were a dream. You'd've already woken up," Kakashi opened his eyes and looked down at his student, but Sasuke didn't see it. The boy was still looking out the window. Kakashi followed Sasuke's gaze. "You missed the sky." It wasn't a question; it was a fact.
Sasuke nodded.
"We'll still be here in the morning. Go to sleep, Sasuke," Kakashi assured to young man as he dropped his head back to the pillow and closed his eyes.
Sasuke didn't. He listen to the sounds of his three companions, the sounds of the night in this particular building; a board creaking, Naruto muttering, Sai groaning, Kakashi's deep, comforting breathing, a couple three doors down making love, the wind blowing through the trees, branches against glass. He was comforted. These sounds were normal, not the sounds of a dungeon; screaming of prisoners, laughing of the jailers, jingling of keys, the hollow, hopeless boom of closing doors. He wasn't alone, in the darkness, in pain, bleeding, crying, hanging from a wall. Sasuke was in a hotel room, with is team, in a bed, between his sensei and his best friend.
Sasuke fought to keep his eyes open, but he was fighting a losing battle. His eyes were getting heavy and his mind was starting to wander, form lucid dreams, but he didn't want to sleep. Sasuke wanted to stay awake and see the dawn, but sleep wouldn't let his escape its grasp. It stole into the room for the fourth time that night and came to rest on Sasuke's shoulder, slowly entering his mind and slowing his breathing down, sending grogginess into his limbs and filling them with lead-like drowsiness…and Sasuke was floating again.
He was floating in the same blackness, but the feeling of the area had changed. It was no longer trying to drown him, hands were no longer trying to pull him under and the whispers were soothing and caressing. Wordless lullabies weaved themselves around him silently, felt more than heard. Wind whispered through imaginary trees and the sun rose…
…But the sun wasn't a sun. It was an eye; an evil, yellow eye with a slit pupil. Then the black changed, grabbing at him, holding him down, spreading his legs…
…And Sasuke was screaming and thrashing. Team 7 grabbed at him, tried to make him stop, but he wouldn't. Naruto took several hits to the face, but he managed to wrap his arms around Sasuke, pulling him against the blonde's body. Sasuke was awake now, sobbing and whimpering into Naruto's shoulder. Kakashi rubbed circles on the boy's back. Sai looked helpless. Eventually the brunette settled for resting his head on Sasuke's right shoulder.
Once again, Sasuke's sobbing slowed, his body stopped shaking. His arms were still wrapped tightly around Naruto's waist, hands clasped so that fingernails left crimson crescents in Naruto's back.
"Sasuke," Naruto sang quietly. "We're here…We're here…" Naruto rocked back and forth slowly, rubbing Sasuke's scalp. Sasuke's grip loosened. The raven tried to breathe deeply, but it got caught in his throat again.
Sasuke hated this; hated how weak he felt; hated how he had to depend on his team for the comfort. He didn't want to have to depend on them for the rest of his life. He was free now. Why was Orochimaru following him? Sasuke wanted to fall asleep, but he couldn't; couldn't sleep, couldn't escape; couldn't be at peace. Orochimaru followed him; his family's screams followed him' the faces of the people he'd killed followed him. Everything followed him; tried to hurt him; wanted to see him fail. His eyelids tightened. His lips became a line; pressed together, squeezing the blood out of them. A tear carved a slow path down his cheek, leaving a silvery, salty track.
"Sorry," Sasuke croaked. "I'm sorry," he repeated.
"You don't have to apologize, Sasuke. We don't mind," Naruto smiled sadly into his friend's hair and his eye's met his sensei's. Kakashi's face wore the same expression. Sai's eyes were far away remembering a time, not so long ago, when Team 7 had done this for him. By now Team 7 had become experts at dealing with having their members traumatized; they were probably the most messed up team in the history of messed up teams. "You don't have to apologize."
Sasuke nodded, his eyes still closed, arms still around Naruto, but neither as tightly as they had been earlier.
"We should try to get some sleep," Kakashi whispered. "We all need it."
Sasuke shook his head violently. "No, no, please," he whimpered, "no…"
Naruto frowned. "We should lie down. You don't have to sleep, but we should lie down. You'll be more comfortable." Naruto began to lie down, dragging Sasuke down with him. Sasuke didn't fight him. He knew that they needed sleep, but he didn't want to sleep; didn't want to go back to the dungeon, back to them. "Just relax, teme. We're here and we're not going anywhere. We'll be here in the morning…" Naruto kept talking, calming Sasuke down, reminding him that he was free.
Team 7 drifted off, falling asleep or zoning out, falling into a trained, restful trance that would let them rest and allow them to wake up at a moments notice. Sasuke didn't; didn't sleep, didn't zone out; he didn't even try to. He rolled over to his previous position, facing the window, and watched the sky. He watched the tiny silver pinpricks move across their black backdrop. He watched silver clouds float past, obscuring clouds, fading away into nothingness. He didn't sleep. He fought off sleep with everything he could bring out of himself. Sasuke didn't go back to the Sound Village, didn't feel Orochimaru, didn't feel the damp and cold of the dungeon, didn't feel the oppressing, hopeless darkness or the painful bite of a whip. Sasuke was at peace, with his team, in a bed, free.
The sky began to brighten, to lose its darkness to turn silver on the horizon. Sasuke did his best to extract himself from the bed without waking the other occupants. He didn't care if he was naked; if he was in pain. Sasuke limped over to the window to see the dawn, to watch the life-giving star appear.
Team 7 watched him from the bed. None of the men wanted to disturb their friend. Sasuke needed to do this.
Sasuke watched the sky fade from deep, dark indigo to pale silver. He watched the top of the sun rise above the lip of the world, red and bloody, adding rose pink to the sky, and red and lavender and orange. The clouds formed multi-colored waves in the sky; no longer silver, but orange and magenta and royal purple. Orange waves of light sped across the ground, hitting trees and buildings, rock and hills, creating pools of black where the night took refuge, hiding from the sun, behind the obstructing object. Hot pink and orange light painted Sasuke's upper body in bright color, removing the paleness of his skin and gave it a healthy glow, painting the wall behind the bed in slightly darker shades…
…And Sasuke sighed. Sasuke smiled. Sasuke had seen the dawn. Sasuke was free and happyandsadandregretfulandexpectantand free.
Team 7 watched. They didn't know, didn't understand, the significance of the dawn to a newly freed prisoner, but they understood what Sasuke needed. Sasuke's legs gave out, weak from not being used, not being fed and exhaustion. Sai was at Sasuke's side in an instant, picking Sasuke up bringing him back to the bed. Kakashi and Naruto looked at Sasuke curiously, but didn't question him.
"Feeling better?" Kakashi smiled.
"Yeah," Sasuke replied as he let Naruto and Sai arrange his body to fit between them…
"Good."
…And Sasuke slept.
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Masked-Writer-In-Disguise: Well, that's my sorry excuse for angst. My friend, who just happens to be master at angst, told me that my usual style of writing shows up in some places, and if any one you are familiar enough with my usual writing style feel free to tell me in a review. If you are not familiar with my usual writing style tell me what you think of the story anyway. There is a big button at the bottom that says 'REVIEW'.
