AN: Basically Not-Just-Any-Fangirl and I challenged each other to write cringe trope smut fics. I got stuck with the "sex pollen" trope lmao. Also! Mira is 100% ooc and I'm trying to poke fun at people who reduce her to a ship obsessed freak.


La Fantaisie

Part One

Honestly, Lucy isn't entirely sure how she ended up here, locked in a room with her boy friend, her best friends, and their significant others, respectively. And in a freezer none the less. If it were any other day, Lucy might not mind too much. She and Natsu have snuck into the freezer several times to make out, considering it's the only place in the guild that no one ever goes to. Well, besides Gray, but she hasn't seen him hanging around since he walked in on Natsu trying to, uh, warm Lucy up.

Regardless, Lucy has no idea why she's been locked in the freezer by Mirajane of all people. Actually, Mira would be one of the first people that Lucy would think could do this. Mira is the devil and Lucy doesn't trust her to behave on most occasions, especially when it comes relationships. Mira gets a little… weird, when it comes to anything vaguely related to love.

There was one time the girl locked Natsu and Lucy in a closet overnight until they "confessed" to each other, but that had ended in disaster when Lucy's claustrophobia acted up and she started having an anxiety attack in the middle of the day. It took Natsu all of two seconds to break down the door, and Lucy has never seen a more apologetic Mira.

She didn't have many schemes after that, having learned a very important lesson, which leads Lucy to be even more confused about why she's locked in a freezer with the strangest assortment of people possible. It could be worse, she reasons, she could have been locked inside with no-one, or with Bixlow and his creepy tongue, which would have sucked.

And frankly she's not fairing the worst of all of them. She has a nice, warm, cuddly Dragon Slayer at her back with no intentions of letting go. Whereas Gajeel looks absolutely miserable, with frost on his piercings, and Cana looks like her teeth are going to chatter right out.

People can say what they want about the way Lucy dresses, at least she isn't stuck in a freezer in only a bikini top. It's kind of adorable, really, how Cana's wrapped her way around Kagura like a vise, squeezing her girlfriend half-to-death with no intention of letting go any time soon.

It would be sweet, if they weren't locked in a freezer. Be that as it may, the six of them are tired, cranky, and cold. Not the best combination, especially when it comes to Gajeel, who's usually already cranky. He's a real treat to be around, really makes Lucy want to slam her head against a wall.

Natsu nuzzles her ear, exhaling heavily against the side of her head and warming her chilled skin. Sighing, Lucy leans into him, enjoying the way his fingers tease the inch of bare skin between her shorts and top. He traces his fingers against her, drawing nonsensical shapes against her skin and tickling her.

Deciding she's had enough of the quiet, Lucy clears her throat. Levy is the only one that looks up. She blinks back at Lucy from where she's perched on Gajeel's lap, the chilly Dragon Slayer clinging to her. Honestly, Levy looks more miserable than Gajeel, but at least the girl isn't pouting like her boyfriend. "So does anyone know why we might be in here?" Lucy asks them, despite no one really listening.

Gajeel squints at her, glaring. "Because we walked in, Bunny," he sneers, though there's less bite to his words than Lucy thinks there usually would be. Wow, Gajeel must be super cold if he can't even be an ass right. It's kind of sad, Lucy usually enjoys arguing with Gajeel, but if he's not going to put any heart into it, what's the point?

Cana's head snaps up, gaze fierce as she locks eyes with Gajeel. The Card Mage seethes, baring her teeth in something reminiscent of a snarl. It's less intimidating than it is scary, mostly because Cana is still shivering and clinging to a very unamused Kagura, who only came to visit for a few days and did not want to spend her short amount of time with her girlfriend locking Fairy Tail's freezer, of all places.

"She means why Mira locked us in, Douchebag," Cana snarls, pouting when Kagura sends her a disapproving look, eyes narrowing just the slightest. Cana sniffs, arms tightening around Kagura. Lucy is vaguely reminded of those animals she saw on a mission with Natsu once. It was like a small bear, but weirder. They were small and cuddly and had weird suction cup tentacles that wouldn't come off.

Lucy had one on her neck once, and when the tentacle came off it left a dark, red and purple bruise that looked suspiciously like a hickey. The guild teased her about it for weeks, but wouldn't believe her when she told them what happened.

Levy sighs, crossing her arms as she sends Cana a stern look. She frowns at the older girl, but it looks more like a pout than anything else. "Cana," she huffs, shaking her head, "don't call him a—"

Gajeel cuts her off with a low growl, his eyes narrowing dangerously at Cana. Kagura stiffens, fingers itching towards her sword, only to remember she left it in the main area. Levy throws her hands up, rolling her eyes at them, and sends Lucy a desperate look. The blonde just shakes her head, not about to get in the middle of it. She leans closer to Natsu, sighing when his hands grow bolder and slip just beneath the hem of her shirt, hands warm despite the biting cold.

"How should I know why the Devil Woman locked us in?" Gajeel huffs, looking like his ego's been bruised, more than anything else. Levy places a placating hand on his arm, but Gajeel merely snorts, shifting to pull her closer to his chest. "She don't need a reason for what she does," he grumbles, dropping his chin to rest it atop Levy's head, his nose buried in her curls.

Lucy is shaking her head before he's finished speaking, but it's Natsu that speaks up. "Mira's always got a reason, Metalhead," he snorts, hands grabby as they wrap fully around Lucy. Lucy can't see him, but she knows he's glaring at Gajeel over her shoulder, egging the other Slayer on and using Lucy as a shield, much to her annoyance. Lucy rolls her eyes, but settles against him, patting the back of his hand gently.

He snarls at Natsu, red eyes flashing in anger. Mira should have known it was a bad idea to stick two hot-heads in a freezer with nowhere to go. They're just going to end up destroying everything or getting someone hurt. Hell, Cana might even join in, if she can peel herself away from Kagura and reach for her cards. It doesn't seem likely, but at this point Lucy is ready for anything.

"Hell she does," Gajeel grumbles, scoffing at the thought of Mira's rhymes and reasons. Apparently, he doesn't know the barmaid well enough. Mira always knows what she's doing, even if it doesn't seem like it at first.

"Oh, but I do, Gajeel!" Mira's voice chimes suddenly, startling the six of them. Lucy squeaks and leans further into Natsu's chest, his arms coming to wrap tighter around her middle. Gajeel glares at the lacrima on the floor, looking like he wants to smash it. "I have a very import reason for asking you all here!" Natsu snorts against the back of her neck, hiding a grin. "Asking" is, well, it's certainly one way to put it. "I want to play a game," she tells them, voice turning sinister.

There's an immediate response from the room, all a combination of horrified and disgusted. Cana blanches and Kagura quirks a brow, shifting awkwardly where she's standing. Levy squeaks and slaps a hand over her mouth, eyes wide and terrified, while Gajeel quirks a nervous brow, but straightens and tries to look less afraid than he is. Lucy cringes, curling closer to Natsu and trying to make herself smaller, and Natsu growls low in her ear, but shrinks back slightly as well.

All in all, the six are basically pissing themselves as they listen to Mira giggle through the lacrima.

After a long moment, Lucy clears her throat, five pairs of eyes snapping towards her. She swallows thickly, wetting her lips, and suddenly wishes that Mira couldn't smell fear. She pulls her lip between her teeth, squirming against Natsu's front when everyone stares. "What kind of game?" she finally squeaks, wincing when the lacrima crackles.

Mira is smiling and they all know it.

Another giggle from the lacrima, ne that sends a shiver up all of their spines. "Oh," Mira drawls, voice cheery, but laced with a steel edge. "I just want you to try something for me!" she tells them, a dull slap coming from over the lacrima, Mira clasping her hands together innocently. "It's nothing dangerous," she promises.

It sounds like a lie.

She feels Natsu frown against her neck, his eyes narrowing as he glares at the lacrima. "Then why are we locked in a freezer?" he asks, voice low and suspicious, angry even. Lucy doesn't know if he's pissy because their scheduled freezer make-out was interrupted, or if he senses Lucy's nervousness, but she knows her dragon isn't happy to be stuck in here.

Not that any of them are.

They can hear the smirk in Mira's voice when she speaks, and it sends a shiver down each and every one of them. "Because no one can hear you, of course!" she tells them, laughing. Lucy suddenly gets the vague sense that she's going to die, of what, she doesn't know, but she's definitely going to die.

Natsu gives her hip a slow, tight squeeze and Lucy finds herself able to breathe just a little bit easier. Levy, however, doesn't seem nearly as placated. She frowns, twisting a lock of blue hair around her finger while biting her frost-tinged lip. "Mira," she starts slowly, shifting on Gajeel's lap, "I don't think—"

Mira cuts her off. "It's simple really!" she explains, clucking her tongue at them. "You just open the vial on the right—" six pairs of eyes snap to the small, pink bottle sitting beside the lacrima, innocent enough in shape, but now absolutely terrifying "—breathe in the potion, and wait!"

No one looks very convinced.

Lucy exchanges a look with Levy, swallowing thickly despite her dry mouth. "This sounds a lot like drugging," Lucy tells Mira, laughing nervously. Mira responds with a giggle of her own, though it sounds vaguely threatening. Lucy fists a hand in Natsu's vest, nails digging into the worn fabric.

The room is silent for a long, long time. No one twitches a finger towards the bottle, nervous about what could be inside. Even their fearless Dragon Slayers haven't tried to touch it, in fact, Natsu has moved the pair of them even farther from the vial, a low whine pulling from his throat.

Kagura is the first to speak up, despite Cana's loud protesting. "What if we don't open it?" she asks, expression fierce as she stares at the vial, calculating. Her fingers drug against her thigh, just above where Cana's arms are wrapped. The Card Mage glares up at her girlfriend, shaking her head quickly.

Mira's voice is icy when she replies. "Than I guess you stay in the freezer," she tells them, a soft hiss to her words.

Lucy doesn't doubt it, either. Mira has a habit of getting what she wants, and the older girl knows it. Sometimes it's endearing to watch her wrap the boys around her finger. Other times—now, specifically—it's absolutely terrifying.

Suddenly, Gajeel scoops Levy out of his arms, depositing her on the cold floor, to which she squeals in surprise. The Dragon Slayer stands, puffing out his chest and glaring, at the vial or lacrima Lucy can't tell. "Fine, ya Devil-Lady," he snaps, stomping over to the vial, much to everyone's horror. "I'll open yer damn potion!"

Lucy winces, shifting uncomfortably against Natsu, who squeezes her tighter. "Gajeel," she whispers, hissing at him nervously. "I don't think that's a good—"

He cuts her off, glaring. "I'm not gonna freeze my balls off, Bunny," he snaps at her, though not as unkind as usual. "Just because ya have a heater, don't mean the rest of us do," he reminds her, jerking his chin towards Natsu, who snorts against her neck, glaring at Gajeel.

And that's that. Gajeel grumbles something under his breath as he scoops up the pretty vial, he squints at it, poking the pink glass with a large finger. He leans in, sniffing at it while everyone watches is apt fascination. His nose wrinkles, but he shrugs and pops the cork. A strange, pink curl of smoke floats out of the bottle and Gajeel grunts, tossing the bottle and stepping back towards Levy.

It smashes against the ground, glass shattering, but nothing happens.

They all wait, but nothing happens. No smoke monster, no sudden fits of laughing, and no one tries to jump each other. It's more than a little suspicious, but Lucy finds herself just a little bit relieved.

Something warm tingles in her gut, heat ripping through her. At first, she thinks it's because of Natsu behind her, but then she sees the others' expressions. Flushed faces greet her, and Lucy's eyes widen in horror as she realizes something did happen. She just doesn't know what.

Shit.

"Now," Mira giggles, a teasing lilt to her voice. "What's your biggest sexual fantasy?" she asks them, a strange purr to her words that makes Lucy's blood run cold.

"Sex in public," Lucy blurts, slapping a hand over her mouth a moment later. Her eyes go wide as everyone turns to stare, mouths dropping open in surprise. Natsu chokes against her ear, fingers digging into her hips with a sudden ferocity. Lucy jolts at her own voice, accidentally grinding back against Natsu, who has to stifle a groan. Lucy flushes a bright red, partly because of her confession, but also because she can feel Natsu stirring against her ass.

Gajeel's brows shoot way up, but then he smirks. "Damn, Bunny," he cackles, glancing between her and Natsu rapidly.

Cana also bursts into laughter. "Got yourself a freak, Natsu," she jokes, wiggling her eyebrows at them, much to Lucy's horror.

"I want to be a dominatrix," Levy blurts next, stopping Gajeel's laughter in an instance. He chokes, coughing when his spit goes down the wrong pipe. Kagura turns a cherry red, but says nothing. Lucy's mouth drops open and she stares down at a very embarrassed Levy, who buries her face in her hands a moment later. She groans and Gajeel stares wide-eyes, sputtering as he can't seem to find something to say.

Poor Levy looks like she wants to drown herself in a well.

Natsu noses at her ear, murmuring "kinky" under his breath the sound lost beneath Cana's laughter. Lucy doesn't know if he's referring to her or Levy, possibly both. She feels him wet his lips, tip of his tongue flicking across the shell of her ear and making her shiver. Lucy squeezes her thighs together as his hands squeeze her hips.

Cana's laughter cuts off suddenly, the girl obviously feeling the tingle of the potion working on her. She looks significantly less embarrassed than Lucy and Levy when she says, "threesomes," much to no one's surprise. It's no secret what Cana likes, though Kagura's eyes do widen just the slightest, clearly not being as privy to that bit of information as everyone else.

Gajeel scoffs, crossing his arms, clearly over his bit of choking. "Well, we already knew that," he grumbles, pouting when Levy slaps his leg.

Natsu squirms behind her, hips pressing into her tightly. Lucy flushes, feeling him growing hard against her ass. "Dirty talk," he rasps against Lucy's skin, drawing a shiver from her. His thumb draws circles against the bare skin of her hip, hot and teasing, and Lucy wondering if he's doing it on purpose.

Maybe she was wrong. There's still time for them to start jumping each other.

Cana cackles, shoulders shaking from the force of it. She clings to Kagura tighter, sending Natsu and Lucy a smile that's all teeth. She winks at Lucy, then wiggles her eyebrows. "Do you like it when she asks you to spank her?" Cana teases.

Lucy flushes, body going rigid as Natsu wets his lips. He clears his throat, shifting behind her. "Well, actually—" Lucy doesn't let him finish, grinding back against him to shut him up. It works, Natsu choking on his words and burying his face against her hair, breathing heavy through his nose.

If anyone else notices Natsu's, uh, problem, they don't mention it.

Gajeel isn't looking too hot himself as he bites his lip, nails digging into his thigh tightly. He glances up at Levy, the magic pulling at him, forcing him to say it out loud. "Roleplaying," he murmurs, still staring at his girlfriend. He licks his lips, gaze sharpening. "Definitely roleplaying.

Everyone turns to Kagura, knowing she's next. The girl holds everyone's gaze, expression blank, save for her fierce glare. She looks everyone in the eyes, daring them to laugh or make a joke. "Being watched," she spits out, eyeing the lacrima like she wants to crush it into little pieces.

No one dares to take up her challenge.

Cana, however, blinks in surprise. She looks up at Kagura owlishly, head tilting to one side in confusion. "Babe…" she trails off, mouth opening and closing slowly. She wets her lips, swallowing. "We've done that before," she whispers, barely loud enough for everyone to hear.

Kagura looks her right in the eyes, the slightest of blushes on her cold cheeks. "Not by you," she clarifies, speaking softly.

It's quiet for several long, awkward seconds before Mira speaks up.

"Oh wow!" she giggles, obviously excited by the new development. "I wasn't expecting some of those!" Lucy and Levy exchange a horrified glance. "Well, thanks everyone! That should be all!"

The lacrima flickers off and no one says a word.

Lucy thinks this is going to be the beginning of something amazing, or very, very bad.


AN: Be sure to leave a review and tell me your thoughts! Thanks for reading!

Next Chapter: Natsu and Lucy get freaky in the Guildhall.