How I Met Your Mother
By n0nameneeded
CHAPTER 1
The police scanner on the dashboard was humming idly, messages going from radio to radio crackling through the fuzz. Robert Parr reached out a hand to change the channel, but stopped himself. He was headed downtown, something would pick up on this frequency sooner or later. It was a young Friday night in Municiberg, and while the mild-mannered citizens of one of America's most dangerous places to live had escaped the clutches of rush hour, rush hour was just beginning for the superheroes of the city, and more specifically, for Mr. Incredible.
The superheroes of the city. Did Frozone have everything all wrapped up tonight? Bob couldn't remember the last time he had taken a night away from hero work. No time for romance or for any real social life at all with an alter ego that could bench press a freight train. It was okay, though. Hero work was what he did. What he does. It felt right to be the good guy, to fight for the public, the common man. Signing autographs, shaking hands, outwitting the villains, dodging flirtatious women, and getting headlines.
It would be nice to have a night off, though.
The static suddenly disappeared on the scanner, and the previous cop's dulled voice was replaced with an all-business, newscaster one. "A woman is being held hostage at the National Bank downtown. The robber was caught in the act of robbing the bank and a tight perimeter has been set up around the area, but he demands to be set free or he will take the woman's life." Parr's eyes lit up and he switched the dial to autopilot. Bob's seat dropped so that he was level with the floor of the car, and just seconds later Mr. Incredible sat up, replacing his alter ego in the driver's seat. He was about to switch the car back to manual drive, but the newspaper on the passenger's side caught his eye.
Incredible looked at his GPS screen. The car was headed in the right direction, and he hadn't had a chance to read the paper yet. He picked up the local Municiberg rag and looked at the front cover. ELASTIGIRL DOES IT AGAIN, read the headline. There was a picture of the stunningly pretty heroine in full color on the front page of the paper, holding a criminal by the collar and smiling for the camera.
'I invented the collar hold,' Incredible thought indignantly. What a press hog! Mediagirl suited her better than Elastigirl. He threw down the paper in disgust and turned back to the road. He switched the dial back to manual and took the wheel. Just a few more blocks. He reached over and pressed the red turbo button. The rocket on the back of the Incredibile suddenly lit up in a burst of fire, propelling the sleek black sports car to its destination.
Incredible swerved and braked to a stop right behind the perimeter the cops had set up. He got out quickly and a policeman jogged up to him. "You got the bulletin?"
"Yes. Where are the primary entrances and exits?"
The policeman shrugged his shoulders. "Unfortunately, the alarm was triggered during the robbery and the place went into lockdown. We couldn't get in, so we've had to settle for contact with the officers trapped inside through our radios. We've got five men in there, all armed, but the guy has a hostage so we can't approach him."
Mr. Incredible nodded, brow furrowed in concentration. "What floor is the criminal on?" he asked.
"The second. A couple of our guys are blocking his path down the stairs, but this guy's an amateur. They say he's getting really desperate, and he might act on it if we don't do something fast." The cop paused for a second. "How are you going in?"
Incredible turned his eyes back towards the bank. "The only way you can go in when the building is in lockdown," he muttered grimly. "Have your officers back off, let them lead him downstairs so I can bust down the front door and we can cuff him quickly without any harm to the hostage."
The cop nodded and relayed the instructions into his radio, carefully avoiding any indication that the robber would be caught in case he was within hearing range. Another officer jogged over to where Mr. Incredible and the first officer were standing. "We're going to have to move our vehicles so he doesn't see that we're here," he mentioned. Several other policeman were already driving away.
"We're leaving the situation in your hands, Mr. Incredible," the first officer said. "I'll have the officers inside the bank keep their radios permanently transmitting and leave an earpiece with you so you can hear what's going on. But we can't have our cars anywhere within range of the building. If we make one mistake this guy might pull the trigger out of desperation." Both cops walked over to the last patrol car at the scene and got inside.
"Good luck, Mr. Incredible," he said. "Be careful. A young woman's life is at stake."
Bob nodded. "You don't have to worry about a thing," he reassured them, tapping his earpiece lightly. With that, they drove away, out of the parking lot, out of sight. Incredible jogged over to his car and changed the dial to cloaking, and suddenly it became invisible. He patted it twice on the hood before running over to the entrance of the bank. Pressing himself up against the wall angling the front door, he became just as invisible as his car to anybody who would glance out the window. He could hear the officers negotiating with the robber in his ear, and the whimpers from the woman whom he imagined had a gun pressed to her head. He winced at the thought.
The sound of shoes banging against the metal stairs reached Mr. Incredible's ears. Slow, hesitant footsteps. The robber. 'Keep your guns at your sides!' Another step, and then more in succession. The cops were coming down behind him. Slowly. The footsteps changed. Less of an echo. He had reached the bottom of the stairs. 'When are they going to get here?' the man asked in a tone that was less than calm.
Incredible turned around and faced the door then backpedalled quickly, about thirty steps or so. 'When are they going to get here?' the robber asked again, his voice cracking, bordering on hysteria.
"Showtime." He charged.
Six inches of double reinforced steel crumpled at the middle as it met with close to three hundred pounds of superhuman muscle. Incredible's charge slowed as he hit the door, but it did not stop. Keeping the momentum from his earlier charge going, he jumped over the mass of mutilated metal and prepared to take the robber down, assuming that he had dropped her when he had brought down the door. He was brought to a complete stop in just a split second, though, when he saw the robber's gun, still aimed at the hostage. He had dropped her to the floor and she was on her hands and knees with fear in her eyes.
The policemen had dropped their guns in the flurry of excitement. One lowered himself to the floor and started to pick his up. "Don't move," came the robber's jumpy voice, changing the aim of his gun to the policeman. Mr. Incredible stepped in front of him, hands out at his sides. The criminal moved his gun back to the woman, but kept his eyes on the black and blue superhero.
He studied the man. Black pullover, black pants, black ski hat. No ski mask, though. His facial features were sharp, with brown hair that hung out of his hat near his sideburns and excited brown eyes. He wasn't particularly muscular and he couldn't be too intelligent, or the alarm wouldn't have gone off while he had been robbing the bank. But he was desperate. The girl was very pretty. Couldn't have been older than twenty-two, with straight blonde hair and blue eyes filling with tears. She was taking deep uneven breaths, trying to compose herself. Her eyes bore into his; she was pleading with him to save her.
"Leave now, Incredible," the robber threatened, "or she gets a bullet in her skull."
"Where does that leave you?" he countered. "Without a hostage, you've got nothing to bargain with. You're going to get cuffed anyway, so why take a human life in the process?"
"Don't offer me advice. I'm the one with the gun."
Bob jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "They've got guns, too. You're going down. If you kill her, you're gonna get charged with murder on top of attempted robbery. Life in prison versus a plea bargain for a lot less. Take your pick."
"Don't try and get friendly with me," the man said, his voice cracking. He suddenly became very solemn. "I'll kill her if you push me."
"Okay, take it easy, take it easy," Incredible cautioned, taking a few steps back and extending his hands in front of him. "I'm just telling you how you can make this easier on yourself."
The man sneered. "You're lying. You're a hero, you don't want what's best for me. You want what's best for justice."
"Think about it logically," he argued back.
"I am thinking logically!" yelled the man. He had come so close to pulling the trigger that time. Bob knew that he was capable of doing it now. The woman choked on a sob as he raised his voice, her tears spilling over onto her face. "Shut up!" he yelled at her, steadying his aim. He pointed the barrel of the gun directly at her head.
"Don't do it," Incredible warned one last time, taking a step towards him. Then everything seemed to slow down as his finger started to tighten on the trigger. Mr. Incredible's danger sense went crazy and he immediately sprang forward at a tremendous speed, putting himself in between the bullet and the girl. He felt it strike him right in the chest, but between his bulletproof suit and his super strength, the pain was reduced to nothing. He hit the ground but then quickly scrambled to his feet, putting himself between the criminal and the girl.
What happened next also seemed to happen in slow motion. The robber had set his sights on the police officer who had tried to pick up his gun. His finger was already pulling the trigger, but before he could finish the movement, a red-gloved fist knocked the gun out of his hands. All eyes in the building turned toward where the door had been before Mr. Incredible had ripped it from its place, and there was Elastigirl with the sun setting behind her, looking even prettier in person than on any newspaper cover.
'I didn't just think that,' Bob told himself, as Elastigirl retrieved the gun from the floor and set it next to the policemen. "Gentlemen, if you would," she asked, restraining the gunman with just one arm. One of the officers hurried over and cuffed him, then nodded in Elastigirl's direction. She returned the gesture. "Thank you officers. Good work, Mr. Incredible," she said. The superheroine delicately approached the woman, who had gotten to her feet. Bob overheard bits of their conversation as he returned his earpiece to another one of the officers.
He saw the woman shoot a fleeting glance at him from over Elastigirl's shoulder. She smiled shakily at him, conveying her gratitude for his protection with her blue eyes. He smiled back at her and gave a small wave before he turned and walked back out to the Incredibile. Headlines were nice, but that story didn't need to be retold by journalists who weren't there to experience everything that he had. That was Elastigirl's department anyway, nowadays.
"Incredible!" came a female voice from behind him. He turned and saw Elastigirl walking towards him slowly, her hips slightly swaying as she did so, until she came to a stop a few feet in front of him. "We haven't really ever been introduced, and I thought I would offer." She stuck out a hand and he took it. His hand was giant next to hers, but her handshake was strong. Her eyes were intensely brown.
"The press has nothing but good things to say about you, Elastigirl," he said. "Enjoying the limelight?"
"You disappointed that you have to share?" she retorted playfully. "Yeah, I guess I like seeing my name in the headlines. It gives me the drive to go and do it again tomorrow. It's a good feeling. You know what I mean."
Mr. Incredible nodded wordlessly for a moment, then words were tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them. "It's funny. It's a Friday night, and on the way down here I didn't hear anything on the scanner except the hostage situation. It's really slow today."
Elastigirl tilted her head a little to the left and nodded, not quite sure where he was going with what he was saying. "And since you took the initiative to get us acquainted, I was wondering, since the town is relatively quiet right now, if you wanted to just spend some time talking." When he didn't see any reaction from her he moved to explain himself. "It's weird that you're a superhero in my city and I don't even really know you," he said.
"Your city?" Elastigirl scoffed. She was smiling a genuine smile, though. "Actually, that sounds exactly like what I've been hoping for," she agreed. "You're on, Mr. Incredible."
