This story will contain references to my other Thane related ME fics, but small enough that new readers don't have to go read them. There will be four chapters.

English is not my first, nor my second language...

Summary: "It was self-defense, Thane. You-" He shook his head slowly and there was a frighteningly familiar icy calmness in his voice when he interrupted her "No, not self-defense. Reflexes. It is a sad universe we live in, siha, where one's existence is decided by how well he or she reacts at gunpoint." Post-game.


.

.

He remembers her as Shepard before she became siha

Commander before Shepard

Soldier before Commander

The human, armed to the teeth, who walked into the Dantius building, yelling and waving orders to her subordinates.

And his memory of her ends there.

Everything else was right here in the Cerberus-issued datapad he held in his hand. Miranda had been very thorough; every one of the Shepard's exploits were written down in details with precise side notes about her psych profile that would put the Normandy's yeoman to shame. Thane was impressed of its content. He noted numerous near death experiences that could be counted on more than all the crew's hands combined, and still Shepard didn't die. She was a survivor.

His eyes lingered on the entries longer than necessary for him to remember them, but something compelled him to still his gaze, as if the mystery that was Shepard would unfold itself under Miranda's profiling and he would discover other aspects of her life that she has yet to reveal to him.

ENTRY 009: Subject's aversion towards Cerberus is palpable, and I am still set on believing that a control chip should have been installed to keep it under control_

ENTRY 035: I am relieved that when faced with the threat of the Reapers, her sense of duty is strong enough that she is willing to put aside the animosity for the moment until the matter is resolved_

ENTRY 074: The Commander has expressed an interest in one of the recruits from Illium, the Assassin. An unprofessional attitude that may very well cost us the mission. I will further observe the situation in wait to see if intervention is necessary_

ENTRY 283: My concern about the relationship between Shepard and Thane has been put to ease. She knows well how to juggle between the many aspects of her life and makes no room for error. Her performance on the battlefield seems to have changed for the better; she is less reckless. There is a softness in her eyes that had not been there when she first awoke. It has also come to my attention that Thane's demeanor differs from the time he was recruited on Illium. My previous impression of him was that of a dead man walking, like he had abandoned all sense of self, but now I can see that he has found something that drives him to live no matter what. They need one another to keep themselves alive. It is comforting to know that even in the dark corners of space, some good can still be found out here_

He dropped the datapad on the bed and looked down on the woman that was sleeping soundly on her side, unmoving. A small smile brightened his feature before it quickly disappeared, chased by an unpleasant memory. He slowly crept closer quietly as not to wake her and laid down behind her, leaning the side of his face onto her back. His hand came resting on the curve of her waist before he closed his eyes, listening.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

A steady beat. Rythmic. Alive.

He doesn't know what machinery Cerberus implanted into her body, only that this sound is real.

Thump.

It wouldn't

Thump.

Slow

Thu-

Down

Stop.

/Eyes rolling to the back of her skull. The sun setting one last time over the ocean, before dark waters swallows it whole. A last breeze on my cheek…/

"Thane?"

He blinked out of his state, inhaling sharply before he remembered that he was not on Kahje.

Whether she suspected that he has been lost in memory mere seconds ago, it didn't carry in her voice "Listening to my heartbeat?"

"It's a beautiful sound, siha."

She turned on her back and looked at him sideways, eyes twinkling "Yeah."

He propped himself onto his elbows, eyeing her quite seriously "You gave me quite a scare today siha, with the stunt you pulled. I was afraid I might never get to hear this sound again."

"Sorry… but at least things turned out fine. No casualties."

"That wound on your leg says otherwise."

"Bah, it's numb now. I don't feel a thing."

The drell sat up and pulled the bed sheets aside. His eyes followed the net of scars that covered the side of her thigh. "It will leave a scar" he said matter-of-factly, and his remark was dismissed with a wave of her hand. "Well, it won't be the first, and certainly not the worst. Though you can't see my old ones anymore. Cerberus took them all away…" He watched her hands move absently over her skin, like tracing a story under her fingers. Her body was no mystery to him by now; every inch worshiped, savored and stored in his perfect memory. There were indeed no other scars.

"Show me, siha."

She looked at him for a long time before reaching for his hands and guiding them over her body.

He reveled in her memories.

.

A scar across her nose. Above her brow. Around her shoulder blade. Embedded on her stomach. Indented in her thigh. Burned on her back.

Bullets. Burns. Knife wounds. Hasty stitches. Shrapnel. Lasers. Punctures.

Husks. Turians. Mercenaries. Asaris. Krogans. Rachnis. Humans. Salarians. Techs. Reaper.

.

When she finally let go of his hands, he gently nudged her to lay back and buried his face in her skin, seeking the comforting sound once more. "Don't die, siha" he knew that it was wishful thinking, considering their professions and criminal activities going rampant in the galaxy, but he would see to its fulfillment while he drew breath. It was a fair draw, one that would keep her alive, if not happy; he would die for her, she would live for him.

"I won't let you become a memory."

Her breathing stilled for two seconds before she wrapped her arms around him tightly. He can't see the expression she wore on her face, but her voice was filled with conviction when she promised him that she won't be the trigger that will pull him back into battle sleep.

"I'll live for you, Thane. So stay, with me."