Welcome to the Afterlife,

Because death never really manages to be the end

Naruto belongs to Kishimoto, and all the producers and involved.


The air was cool, but there was no air. There was an inhuman, unnatural lack of a need to breathe.

He was falling, falling into an all consuming darkness. His body felt so weak, as if he had been ripped to shreds. Distantly in his mind, he heard voices. Medics talking of medical things. Also ever present was the continuous sensation that something was prodding around inside his body.

Oh, but this place was so familiar. After all, falling into an endless void is something that really sticks with you.

From a distance, perhaps off to his side (He wasn't sure that it wasn't downwards, upwards, diagonal-wards. Everything looked the same) a delicate bright light grew. As it grew more, he discovered it was a figure, glowing with her own light. She was coming closer, that's why she was glowing. Oh. It was her. Fancy that he'd be assigned her again.

Dressed in a constantly fluttering white robe with white hair that melted into it, she hovered in the nonexistent air, and he was no longer falling. Rather, he was in the position of falling, but standing still. Or hell, maybe they were both just falling. But she was unmoving in comparison to him. Her face was plump with childish youth, but her body was slender, and lacking any definite curves.

With a point of her finger, a platform made of a mirror-like surface spread out underneath him. It was as if it were clay, being flattened from a ball into a thin surface, big enough for even his bulk.

"Kakuzu." The female entity spoke, with no special qualities in her voice. "Fancy meeting you again. How sad that you died/again/."

Abruptly he fell onto the surface, and wherever his skin touched it, he was greeted with a freezing sensation. Quickly he sprang to his feet.

"Yeah. A tragedy. Can we cut the crap and start the negations, or is my money worthless now?" He demanded, wishing he had his mask on to hide his sown up mouth.

The girlish creature laughed. "Of course your money is still good, Kakuzu, of course. Fear not. We'll still take it."

"Then I offer up all my valuables in exchange for returning to life."

At his declaration, the girl waved her hands, and piles and briefcases bursting with the paper cash came into existence. Gold blocks dumped upon those. Gems, artworks, anything remotely of value came raining down, a vision of absolute splendour.

However, the stranger before Kakuzu frowned.

"This is what you've collected in the hundred years since we've met? It is impressive..." Her dull brown eyes glanced over at him. "...however, it's not quite enough."

"Not... quite enough?" The former Akatsuki echoed. Fear and rage crept into his mind, replacing the wiser calm. "There must be some mistake. My ring then... what about my ring?"

"When the guys from Konoha took your body, they seized your ring. It's no longer yours." The blonde shook her head, softly.

"But what about my..." gnashing his teeth, he diverted his green eyes, thinking. "My hearts. You accepted those as payment last time!"

"You lost your hearts, Kakuzu. The Kyuubi kid destroyed them as he attacked you. I'm sorry. Truly, I am." And indeed, she was looking upon him with pity. "If only you had a lover, you might have been able to say that their heart was yours."

Giving a howl of frustration, the monster of the Waterfall village clutched his head. "Then what am I supposed to do? What's going to happen to me?"

"You did kill the Hokage, Kakuzu. That set you back big time." She hovered over to one of the briefcases filled with cash. "Oh, but really. Don't be too worried."

"And why the hell shouldn't I be?"

"Because, darling," She flipped through a perfectly neat bundle of bills, "You still get to leave—"

"I... do? Then why didn't you say so?" He blinked, before slipping out a relieved smile.

"Yeah. You get to leave, eventually. However," Her tone was dangerous, as she circled down around him, leaning sweetly against his back, "it might just take a while. Sorry, darling." Suddenly, she grabbed the flesh just over his shoulder blades, and seemed to reach inside of him. With an agonizing yank, she dragged out his insides, the black tentacles that comprised him. He felt those vines changing, shifting, and finally, the pain stopped. He looked over his shoulder, to see the great, crudely formed black wings, sticking out from his back.

"What the hell? Am I some kind of fallen angel, or something?" Stretching them out, they measured roughly at a six meter wingspan. Enough to carry him?

"Don't be so poetic, Kakuzu. Those are just for the transportation. You'll need them to get around, unless you just want to keep falling." Hovering back in front of him, she cracked a smirk, "speeeaking of which,"

The silver surface below him began shrinking, bringing his feet together, before dropping him completely.

The falling reclaimed him. It was not of the standard falling, where the force of the air tried to push you back up. That was with air. The falling here was merely the feeling of your stomach, dragging you down.

"I'll see you soon, Kakuzu. Maybe in a year or so. You've got to do something to pay for all your crimes." The glowing figure called after him as she shrunk from view.

"So this is justice?" He managed to laugh out after her.

"No, silly. This is capitalism!" Her final words echoed out into the nothing.

Eventually, spreading his new crude parachutes, he turned to see where he was falling. And... he was falling towards a light...

He hit the ground as if he were slowly being lowered onto a pillow. Only, the pillow was mud. Disgusted, he leapt to his feet, and gazed around at the scenery around him. Gone was the darkness. Now he was in a swampy landscape, covered in mist. On the horizon, gloomy, jagged mountains loomed. Soft lights swirled above the water, Will o' wisps as they were called. With one large hand, he wiped the muck off his face.

"Well sh- No first class this time?"

With a grumble, he began walking. Maybe off to the mountains. He didn't know. All he was aware of was that he had time to kill. Lots of time. An eternity, maybe.

A/N this was an odd idea that came to me that I thought would make an interesting premise. Kakuzu will run into other dead fellows, rest assured. After all, he knews quite a few.