author's note: this is an example of what happens when fanfiction turns bad... which is nearly all of it. enjoy!

disclaimer: all of the characters are J.K.Rowling's; all of the scenarios are of other's horrible fanfictions due to J.K.Rowling's work. don't sue!

"What the..." Hermione's eyes grew huge as she read the black letters on the computer screen.

"What's up Hermione?" Harry said.

"Someone is stalking us!"

"WHAT? BUT I KILLED VOLDEMORT!"

"NO, Harry, Death Eaters aren't stalking us... they call themselves... FANGIRLS!"

"Fangirls!" Ron burst in, his pants already half-unzipped.

"Calm down, Ickle-Ronniekins. They don't want to have sex with you."

"Actually... they do." Hermione cringes, reading at what some of the fangirls said about what they would do if they had Ron in a room alone with them.

"What's this? Fanfiction? What does that mean?" Ron scratched his head.

"Apparentely it's based off this book some muggle or other wrote about our lives..."

"She must be related to Mrs. Figg." said Harry, completely convinced.

"What's this? H/Hr?" Ron pointed at the fanlisting.

"Harry and Hermione!"

"BLOODY HELL!"

"WHAT THE MERLIN?"

"DISGRACEFUL!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS!"

"NO, I'M HARRY."

"WHY ARE WE STILL USING CAPSLOCK?"

"TO EXPRESS OUR OUTRAGE!1"

"OH, RIGHT, CARRY ON THEN."

Later that day, Harry took a stroll into Moaning Murtle's bathroom to say hello and he found Hermione cutting herself.

"What the fuck?" fanfiction!Harry exclaimed as Hermione took out her eyeliner and drew big black marks under her eyes.

"I can't help it, Harry! It's what the fanfiction told me to do!"