Hello! Yes, im back at it again with my strange death note fanfictions. But this idea hasn't gotten out of my head yet and it's been weeks...so i just had to write it out.
There will be actual plot...maybe. Possibly. But we'll get to that in a few chapters... one of these days...Maybe.
No warnings and no spoilers for this chapter.
Also, i don't own death note. Shocker, i know.
Lets get on with this, shall we? Alright! Brace yourselves!
"Is It Clear Enough That You Can't Live Your Whole Life
All Alone?
I Can Hear You In A Whisper
But You Can't Even Hear Me Screaming
So Where Will You Go?"
-"Where Will You Go" Evanescence
Watari didn't have any children. He had once, like most people, wanted to. But then again, there were already so many children in this world. Children who didn't have anybody. Children rotting away in dark corners.
Children that hadn't gotten a chance. Children that could have done great things, had they've been loved. And maybe that was why Wammys house was built. His pity and the sympathy he felt for the ones that hadn't deserved the lives they had gotten. From that feeling, Wammys house arose.
A chance for the life already brought into this world.
That's what he had wanted.
Justice.
Of course, an orphanage couldn't ever be the same as a family home, but Watari had certainly tried. Tried his very best to make the building as nice and welcoming as he could. Big dorms with pastel flower curtains, a clean, white tile kitchen, a library with hundreds of books, toys and games in bright colors and everything else Watari thought that children might need. He wanted everything to look nothing like the dirty streets of England.
But even with crayons and sequins, giggles and tulips and daisies and treehouses in the garden-when the children all slept and the orphanage want silent in the evening, a desire awoke. He didn't know where it came from, but it was suddenly there. And suddenly, the numbers and letters on toybricks weren't enough. The flawed English they spoke in, didn't cut it. Half right answers on math worksheets just weren't good enough.
Because the Wammy children hadn't deserved the lives they had gotten. Hadn't deserved the cold sidewalks, the bubblegum and cigarette butts stuck to it. Hadn't deserved mothers and fathers who hadn't cared for them. Had deserved so much better than the ugliness they had gotten.
To make the Wammy children something special. The very best. That was what Watari had wanted. And that wish in itself, was not ugly.
He just wanted to see them to do well.
And then... The tests became too hard and he pushed them too far. The questions became too complex, the classes too long and the breaks far too short.
And it was all just Ls fault.
L wasn't just any child. L was brilliant. And Watari couldn't expect everyone to be like him. Couldn't expect just any child to learn French and Arabic and Chinese and Spanish and Russian and German and Japanese. He couldn't expect just any child to solve equations and cases like L could.
...Yet... he did. And only when A hung himself in his bedroom and B killed a woman in hers, did Watari realize that the children he saved from the world, weren't all like L. Artists or athletes or musicians or authors weren't meant to catch criminals. They weren't meant to be L. And that was just the way it was.
L was brilliant, and L thought he knew everything...But no matter how brilliant, he didn't see how much he had missed out on.
L hadn't ever known how beautiful and bright the world could be. And Watari didn't blame him. There had been nobody there to show him.
And maybe that was why L didn't understand anything but facts and the minds of the sickest criminals.
Watari wondered if he, somewhere behind the solved cases, blood and guts, wrongs and rights and rules and percentages, longed to understand. Longed to understand tenderness and kindness the way he could understand violence and fear. Longed to understand it like he understood everything else.
Longed for someone to understand him.
Longed for someone to reach deep within and drag out the humanity that he had time and time again denied himself.
Make him realize he wasn't so different from the others despite it all.
But nobody had. Nobody had even tried. And L hadn't tried to be understood.
L had curled into a ball in dark corners and wondered why he was so painfully alone.
"Watari…I miss my mother"
"I know..."
L was twelve and didn't have a single friend. L was fourteen and hadn't ever been in love. L was sixteen and hadn't had his first kiss. L was eighteen and hadn't ever failed a test.
Because L was twelve and saw a dead body for the first time. L was fourteen and solved his seventh case. L was sixteen and feared for his life. L was eighteen and had seen things that would keep grown men awake at night.
"Watari...I can't sleep..."
"I know"
Being L wasn't a pretty thing, it wasn't something noble and just. He was drowning in money, but what did that help? He was known all over the world but nobody had ever met him, and what good was fame then? He brought justice upon countless criminals, restrained hundreds of bloodstained hands, sent men with lives on their conscience to their ends and ended up with with dying screams and last breaths on his own. And yet, it wouldn't ever be enough.
No matter how brilliant he was, he couldn't change mankinds selfishness. Because mankind never learnt. And mankind would never change.
There would always be somebody else. Somebody else to do wrong and hurt someone.
"Watari...I can't do this!"
"I know"
There was nothing else to do...
"Is there anyone who cares about me, Watari?"
...Yet, there were so many things he wanted to say.
Watari stayed with L and prayed that it was enough. Because L didn't have anybody else. He had of course once had a mother and father- a mother and father who probably hadn't been worthy of having a son at all.
And Watari wasn't sure he would have been worthy of L either.
He just wondered if L would have been happier if someone else had saved him, or if L would have been happier dead.
Wondered how a shivering little boy on the sidewalk, grew into being one of the most powerful men on earth. How L had grown to be so dear to him. Wondered how he let L become so miserable. Cursed himself for it. Hated himself for it.
And maybe, just maybe, L wouldn't have been so cold if someone in his life had loved him. Maybe he would have a normal life, a normal job, a girlfriend- or even a boyfriend, for all Watari cared. Maybe he would have had somebody he loved. Somebody he'd smile at and laugh with. Somebody who'd hug him and tell him how amazing he was, so that L could think of something else but corpses and funerals.
Anyone, anyone at all would be fine, as long as they could make L happy. As long as they were living and breathing and full of hope and joy and made L feel just a little bit of that. Watari wished he could have done that for him. Watari once again wondered how the hell L had grown to be so dear to him. Wondered why he had never told him that.
"Is there anyone who cares about me, Watari?"
If Watari could ever see him smile, even just once... If he could hear him laugh, for just a second... then that would be good enough for him.
And then, maybe he hadn't truly failed L yet.
"Yes, L. There is."
AN/:
So this was the first chapter. What do you think so far? Please tell me in a review! I should also mention that i didn't plan t make it into a LxLight story...(though it's my otp) but we'll see... ;)
There was, (go figure) no plot in this chapter, it was just an introduction and sob material.
I hope to change that in the near future though, so stay tuned for an actual story to kick in...sooner or later.
Anyway, thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it, please follow me, this story, favorite it or write a review! I love your support!
Until next time though, stay fabulous :)
