Renji:
02.03.2010
"He's on my mind. He was yesterday. And the day before yesterday. And many, many days before. And he shall stay in it... for a while. And a bit longer. And more. I cant get him out, I can't stop thinking about him. Nor I desire to. I long for his attention. I crave his presence. I desire his love."
27.5.2010
"He's comming. He said he would. He promised. He said he's got something to tell me. Wouldn't say anything else. Oh, if he knew, if he only knew my feelings. If he only knew for whom my heart beats. Well, I ain't gonna wait much longer. I can't! It hurts too much seing him, talking to him! It even hurts more as he leaves. Well, some people would say, that it can't get any worse. But every time I see him again, that feeling appears, when you just know that the pain is gonna be all the same again and again. It burns... it rips, it hurts... My heart broken to pieces...and again...and again. I need him. I need him to brush away the stardust my heart became. To build me a new world. I cn't hold onto the fact that just him being there is gonna make it all better. I can't cling onto lies. Oh well. He's at the door now. You know diary, sometimes, I think you're the only one that truly understands me. Thank you."
03.06.2010
"We've been hanging out pretty often for the last few days. But then my working schedule became also pretty full, so I kinda don't get much free time. Bloody fine for me, I guess. Less free time, less thinking about him. =) "
10.06.2010
"This is nightmare! He began visiting me at work a while ago. I can't stand this anymore.! I can't stand looking at his hands and knowing, that I'm not able to hold them. I can't stand looking at his hair and not be able to touch them. I can't stand looking at his lips and not being able to kiss them! *silent weeping* I love him... He's my world, my life, my soul."
At the dawn of the next morning:
Uryuu walked into Renji's house. He found him lying on the floor - moveless. Lying in a pool of blood. His wrists were slit. Every few seconds there still came a tiny splash of blood out of his veins. Uryuu screamed in agony. A scream that would kill, break, shatter every single heart. He ran over to Renji's corpse and tried to wake him up. He could just not accept that the love of his life was gone. He was crying. He cared not. He cared not if the tough image of the tough man everybody thought he is was shattered. He cared not for anyone. Renji was gone. His life has lost its meaning. People started to gather around them. He cared not. Uryuu just wanted to hold his body eternally. Just wanted to feel his lips, to look in his eyes...forever.
He put his head on Renji's chest. He felt something underneath his bloody robes. He could not care less about it. But his hand just...slided and grabed scroll-like piece of parchment. Without really wanting it, his eyes slided over the scroll. The letters were written in blood.
"I could not handle the pain anymore. I loved you. You loved me too, but in completely different way I did. And I just... cannot live without you loving me the way I love you. You are my heart, you are my dreams. You are my eyes, your soul in me."
Uryuu's heart shattered to millions and millions of pieces. He cared not if he cried. He cared not if he lived. He did not care anymore. His heart was no more. He was dead inside. "Idiot... they were the same!" A river of tears as blood gushing out of freshly cut veins kept on floating out of his sorrow eyes. His eyes, his soul were no more.
"You are my heart, you are my dreams. You are my eyes, your soul in me."
