Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with this…not even the idea, for I'm sure any beanstalk would be annoyed to have this happen to him/her. Please read, hopefully enjoy, and review anyway!

Beanstalk's Last Words

"First things first. I wasn't your ordinary beanstalk – no way. I was the biggest, leafiest stalk in the entire county. I was taller than anything by a hundred times – I even touched the sky. I was invincible. All until that nasty little Jack fellow came along.

            "Maybe it was Jack who bought me from the old man, but it was his ma who threw me in the garden, God bless her. I had one day to reign supreme until Jack got it into his head to climb me.

            "What kind of treatment is that? Sure, it's real pleasant to have these big stinkin' boots stomping all over you without even a 'sorry'. And then he decides to take a stroll in giant-land and bring back a giant. First it's Jack, and then I have to put up with a rage-blinded giant sliding down my stalk. I tell you, it's enough to make anyone complain to the Beanstalk Fair Treatment Committee. Giants don't seem to realize that a kick in the stem really hurts. And spiked boots. Don't even get me started on those.

            "So finally, I think, when the giant gets off, this'll be the end of things. Nope. What does Jack do? He takes a saw and he hacks off my entire upper stem. 'Bye-bye, giant,' he says. Oh, sure, little man can run out of the way. I'm telling you, it's not very enjoyable when a fifty-ton deadweight lands on top of you.

            "So here I am now, a stump in the ground and the rest of on a cart to who-knows-where. Gee. All a stalk asks for is a little ground to get planted in, a little sun and some water, and what does he get? Snapped in half by a filthy peasant. Real nice, Jack, real nice."