sooo the Feral doesn't own Naruto characters or...criminal organizations. Or the rights to The Labyrinthe! Hope you enjoy! if this is any motivation: the goblin king was played by David Bowie XD and it was a wonderful movie adaptation w/ many a whimsical characters. Lets see how much I can mess it up.

CH 1 fools!

Somewhere out in the forest ominous clouds were gathering. Deidara of Akatsui was preaching to one of his clay owls. He was rehearsing for a play called 'The Labyrinthe' being preformed by local shinobi. It was about a goblin king and a brave heroine...or hero as the case may be.

He had been reciting the lines when he suddenly shouted, "Line"
The owl looked at him. "You have no power over me." His left hand reminded. "Why can I never remember that, un?" Deidara exclaimed tossing his arms in the air. The owl detonated, blowing the pillar it was on to rubble.

"Holy crap, un. Its seven already?!" Dei commenced running back to the hideout. The clouds emptied themselves on the blonde ninja. When he arrived atthe doorstep Pein was out front, tapping his foot.

"Heyyy Leader-sama, how's it"

"You're an hour late, Deidara"

"I know, sir, but you see-" Pein pointed at the door. "Get inside, you look like a drowned cat." he said. Deidara slinked into the hideout and the Leader shuffled in behind him. The as of yet nameless Akatsuki memeber was turned away, rummaging in her purse. Itachi was pouting nearby.

"Now Deidara, you know we had to take Itachi to get glasses and this could be an all night oredeal." said the unknown member from the depths of her purse. Itachi made some kind of noise code for angst. "Yeah yeah." Dei said waving a hand.

"Deidara don't kill your partner while we're gone." Pein said grabbing the keys. "We can't afford to look for a new memeber right now." he started out the front door. Dei looked after them. "Watch after Tobi, now." the blue haired woman said and then they were gone.

Deidara sighed in exasperation. He walked into the living space. Tobi looked up and hurriedly stuffed some sort of something in the door jamb. "Hey Deidara-senpai, how's it going?" he asked. Dei shot him a poisonous glance before flopping onto the couch.

"Great, un, now that I'll never get a part in the play down at the theater. I'm too busy not killing you to practice, un." Tobi bounced up across from his partner in crime. "I'll help you practice Deidara-senpai! It'll be fun come on!" he said clasping his hands under his masked face, which no doubt contained glee.

Deidara looked at Tobi's orange mask for a long time before tossing him the script.
"w00t!" Tobi exclaimed, flipping the pages. He turned to the page Dei instructed. However, when he started reading Tobi giggled. "I'm sorry senpai, go on." Tobi said, waving a gloved hand. Deidara started again. Tobi giggled again. "TOBI!" yelled Dei desperately. "I'm-I'm sorry Deidara-san I just, I just..." Tobi could no longer control himself and fell in to a hapless, unabating giggle fit. (ever had one o' those? yeah)

"You're the most useless thing ever, un!" Deidara shouted. He picked up his script again just to throw it at Tobi's head. It bounced off the n00b's skull and he continued giggling. As Dei stormed out of the room he conjured up a line from the play. "I wish the goblins would come tacke you away right NOW, un!" Tobi continued his relelntless gales of laughter until Deidara turned the corner.

At this point the hideout became dead quiet. A shiver went down Dei's spine. It had never been this quiet around him his entire life. He jumped when thunder rolled outside. "T-Tobi?" Deidara called. No answer.

He crept back to the living space and found it empty. There were demonic little chuckles coming from the shadowy corners of the room. "Tobi?" Deidara asked again.

This time the reply was a gust of wind from behind. Dei turned to see Orochimaru. Jashin knows what he was wearing. A vinyl jacket, tight pants, and a button up shirt accessorized w/ a high collared cape, all black of course. Dei was going to call him a flamer, but then wondered if he could pull that off himself.

"Man, you guys still keep the key under the doormat?" The Giant Snake said.

"What are you doing here, un?" Deidara asked, not knowing what to think. "Why I'm the Goblin King, of course, and I've obsconded your Tobitobi, like you asked." Orochimaru said with one of those all-knowing hand gestures. There was a long pause in which Deidara tried to recall if he was using any illegal drugs and Orochimaru inspected his now long and pointed nails.

"You're kidding me, right?" Dei said finally. "Nope and in thanks I'll give you this spiffy thing." A perfect crystal sphere appeared in his palm. "Oooo." Deidara awed. He reached for it, but stopped. "But what if Tobi isn't an Uchiha like we think? Then what would you do with him?" he asked.

Orochimaru waved a hand. "I'd just brainwash him to assassinate somebody or something." (but why male models? XD zoolander reference)

Deidara was sure the relief of not having to deal with Tobi showed on his face. He then remembered that Leader-sama would have a fit. Not only would he be in big troubel...he might be 'kicked out'. Meaning Itachi would take you out back and have a friendly conversation with the Mangekyo and Zetsu would be sent in to eat you while under the terrifying genjutsu.

"No way un. I need the twerp back." Orochimaru frowned a bit. The crystal turned into a snake and he tossed it at Deidara. On impact it changed into...well actually it stayed the same because Orochimaru's an a--hole like that.

As Dei stomped on the snake Orochi took his shoulder and turned him towards the now open door. "Tobi is there," he pointed. "in my castle." Sure enough, instead of the rain outside, there was a castle off in the distance in the center of a huge gynormous labyrinthe. Deidara turned back to the snake sannin turned Goblin King to accuse him of being on acid, but the hideout behind him was gone.

A clock had appeared and was a 12. "You want Tobi? You got 13 hourse to get him." Oro said. "Pffft, I can do that, un." Deidara scoffed, but Orochimaru faded away with an ominous evil cackle. When he was sure he had gone, Deidara screamed in frustration and stomped his foot.

Next chapter: Deidara begins the labyrinthe and Tobi is annoying otonin!