Disclaimer- I don't own Naruto.

This is a parody of every bad yaoi I've ever read. Don't get me wrong- while I don't like KakaIru, I respect it. I only used it as an example because it's so popular. Now I'll shut up before the intro is longer than the story. Enjoy! :)


Kakashi Hatake was a gorgeous, one-eyed billionare who'd become a cop to honor his father. His stunning good looks dazzled all the ladies, he tipped well, and dressed sexily. His dark past was hidden by his flawless facade and he was secretly a hit man on the side. A good one though, of course. And he was a cop. And a hit man. Maybe a male escort. He was also a cop.

Iruka Umino was a tanned, rosy-cheeked slender man with eyes of chocolate and a laugh like a running river. His happiness made everyone around smile, and his anger made even the most hardened criminal shirk away. He was a teacher and volunteered at the local Humane Society and cooked for homeless people and tutored orphans and had sex with lonely people just to cheer them up. He was shy and coy, and to Kakashi he seemed like an angel.

"Hey there," murmured Kakashi, passing his table slowly, seductively. He was sipping a coffee mug with his strong, calloused hands. "May I sit with you? You look lonely." He slid into the cafe table across from Iruka.

Iruka stared at him a moment. "Sorry, dude, I'm not gay."


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