Okay so this is a lily/remus fic. If you don't like it, don't read it. But if you still want to,, make sure you review =)

This was one of my earlier fics so it might turn out to be dreadful...

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Read and Review.


This is a story of hurt, heartbreak and pain. However, each of these emotions come joint with one other; love.

To understand a tale you must start at the beginning.

And that is where our journey begins; in late October of the year 1974.

***

James Potter… any girls dream guy… In looks. Of course he was an arrogant and conceited jerk who got his own way in practically everything. And by calling him a dream I of course mean a nightmare. James Potter would be about as good a boyfriend as a frog. He would never buy you presents out of the blue just because he loved you. He wouldn't blurt out that he loved you if there was no reason and I wouldn't advise you to expect him to remember your birthday. So in short he has the opposite personality to a typical girl's fairytale prince.

Remus Lupin was one of the sweetest boys I'd ever met and there was no question as to whether he would make a good boyfriend. He was an… intellectual. Yet one of the most popular boys in Hogwarts and, like his fellow 'marauders', sent girls into a glaze as he entered a room. His longer hair, perhaps not as fashionable as his fellows, was certainly as sexy. His clothes were always torn in places and were scruffier than others, yet this seemed to make him all the more desirable. However, everyone has their flaws. Even Remus Lupin, my knight in shining armour. But I wasn't to know this at the time and I never suspected something might be wrong with my perfect prince.

***

"Heya Lil's." Remus said from behind me. I smiled and turned my head slightly as he bent down to kiss me. "Guess what I've got for you." He whispered softly in my ear and I shuddered.

"What?"

"Close your eyes." I obeyed and he took hold of my hands, moving them into the shape of a book and placed a box in my open palms. "Now open them." I did so and resting in my hands was an olive green velvet jewellery box.

"What's this for?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Nothing. Just to show how much I love you." Smiling, I opened it.

"It's… beautiful."

"Here let me put it on you," I passed Remus the necklace and he fastened it at the back of my neck. I held up my pocket mirror and admired the elegant piece. Resting on my neck was a double twist greenstone jade pendant. It was made in New Zealand, by the Maoris' who live there. I read on the back of the box that the double twist represents a bonding of friendship, two lives becoming one for all eternity. I smiled and turned to Remus.

"Thank you." I said and I lay back on the grass. Remus lay next to me, propped up on his elbow. He pushed my hair delicately behind my ears, his hand caressing the side of my face. Lying on the ground with the grass between my fingers, the wind blowing gently, rustling the trees and Remus' face looking peacefully down at me, I drifted off to sleep.

***

"Go out with me Evans." James requested, sitting on the arm of the chair I was sat on.

"No." I replied without looking up from my book. James had started this obsession with me about 2 weeks previous. I was confused by the attention. I wasn't one of the "cool" girls who James and Sirius usually hung out with. To put it bluntly I was a geek and a loner. I had few friends and I worked too hard and thought too much. Especially compared to James. I found it hard enough to understand why Remus loved me. No not loved me; fancied me. But then Remus was a bit of a geek himself… I supposed that was the reason. But now I had the second fittest boy in the year fancying me! I couldn't believe it… But then of course I couldn't go out with him. I fancied Remus and James was a conceited jerk who cares for nothing but himself. My relationship with Remus was completely secret. I didn't find keeping secrets particularly hard as I had no best friends to tell and the few girls who I were friends with would never imagine anyone telling me a secret so they never asked either. Our relationship had to be kept secret to protect his reputation I thought. That and because one of his best friends, who just happens to be the most popular boy in school, has decided to take an interest in me. As I said; I think way too much.

"I reckon you have another boy already." I kept my head down and said nothing as he mused over this idea. "Pads are you going out with Evans?"

"Me? Why would I go out with her when I can get any girl in the whole school?" Sirius answered incredulously. "No offence." He added as an after thought.

"None taken." I replied briskly, without looking up from my book and out of the corner of my eye I saw Sirius look at me in amazement; completely baffled by my attitude. He simply couldn't see why someone should not be offended when he tells them they're unattractive.

"Fair enough Pads," James said grinning at his best mate.

"What about you Moony? You doing my girl?" He asked, calmer this time. He didn't seriously expect someone to pick his geeky mate over him.

I stood up abruptly, putting my book in my bag which I slung over my shoulder.

"How dare you! I am not being done by anyone Potter! And I am NOT your girl!" I walked briskly from the room as Sirius muttered to James,

"Why do you bother with her? She's a loner."

"Not to mention a geek." Peter added. I turned back at the portrait hole to see Sirius and Peter staring at James, who stood with his back to me, with credulous eyes. I glanced quickly over at Lupin. He also had his back to me but was staring out the window, his hands running through his hair in a way I knew so well. I had seen this look a lot since James had decided to take a fancy in me. It was the look of stress and worry. Worry for what his best friend might do if he found out and stress for keeping the secret from the marauders for 5 months. He'd never kept a secret from them before. Or so she thought.

*****

I went off to the library to have some time alone only to be joined by my one best friend. Severus Snape. Oh yeah and that was yet another reason why James' interest in me was so preposterous.

"Hey Sev," I said wearily.

"Heya Lil's. How are you?"

"Tired and annoyed."

"With what? Or who?"

"James Potter." I growled.

"Ah. Yes I saw that he seemed to have taken a liking to you… so you don't like him then?" Snape asked, feigning a lack of interest.

"Of course not!" Snape smiled and we went on to talk about trivial things.

**

We stayed in the library for near an hour until I decided I should be getting back; there was still some work I needed to do.

"See you around Sev." I called out to him as we went our different ways from the library.

"I hope so…" He murmured back.

"What?" I asked, taken aback.

"Don't worry it's nothing… I was being silly."
"Wouldn't be the first time," I joked and he smiled back at me.

"Bye Lils." I waved back and continued my journey back to the common room deep in thought.

The common room was practically deserted and the people who were there either didn't care about me or didn't even notice me so I was able to go through unnoticed. I climbed up the stairs, dragging my feet in reluctance. Only one girl in my dorm liked me and only her and one other was actually nice to me. I think the other girl just took pity on me to be honest. As I opened the door I cast an uninterested glance around the room, taking in its other inhabitants.

In the corner, on the furthest bed, were Trixie, and Kayleigh, all crowded round the crying figure of Stephanie.

"…I mean I just don't see why? L-l-look at me. I'm gorgeous. She's no-nowhere near as pretty as me." She stopped, waiting expectantly and her followers answered quickly.

"No of course not."

"She's a real cow. Sirius is a dumb whore; you can do way better." Kayleigh assured her. Stephanie smiled at them all and they smiled sympathetically back.

"Thanks Kay. But it's like me and Sirius were like this." She crossed her two fingers. "And then I walk in on him and he's with that…" Honestly they were all hopeless. I rolled my eyes and looked over to the bed nearest me.

"Tess?" I questioned, shocked. Tessa was a Hufflepuff but had a habit of spending more time in our house than her own. Her best friend was Nancy and due to this they tended to do what they liked to call 'the sharing of space'. McGonnagall had found out about them sleeping over in each others houses once. She hadn't been happy, 'abusing house secrets' she called it. She was sat on Nancy's bed, Nancy herself being in detention, and reading, actually reading, a book. I'd never even seen her pick one up before.

"Yeah?"

"Are you… reading?! I mean… what are you reading?"

"Oh it's some book by Charles Dickens bloke. Don't be worried if you haven't heard of him. Neither had I before yesterday." Oh Merlin. Did I know Charles Dickens? I had only read practically every one of his books.

"Oh yeah I've heard of him."

"Really?" She said in astonishment, and to my surprise she was utterly serious.

"Yeah… which one are you reading?"

"Err…" She paused to look at the front cover, "Umm… oh here we go… Great Expectations. I've been reading for ages and I've only got to the bit with Pip and that other guy… what's his name again?" I laughed and shook my head slightly at her. Dickens was of course a wizard, something I had been fascinated to discover in my first year at Hogwarts.

"Do you, er, like reading?" I asked

"Oh no. I think it's dreadful."

"Then why are you…?"

"Oh there's this absolutely gorgeous boy called Darrel in Ravenclaw but his friend Mike said he only goes out with people he can have a 'decent intellectual conversation' with. Well I was thinking this might help even us up a bit," she smiled, as if proud of her plan.

"Okay… I'll leave you to it then…" I said, turning away with a smile on my face.

I looked to my left and saw that the bed next to mine had the curtains drawn, I skipped over it to the window seat at the end of the room where Maria was sitting. I walked over and sat down opposite her, stretching my legs out (it was a big window seat) and she smiled at me faintly before turning her attention back to the window.

"Someone's sleepy today," I said gesturing towards Sienna's bed which had the curtains drawn.

"Yep. Hardly a surprise mind; she was up all night in the common room."

"Why?"

She smirked, "With Sirius. Stephanie wasn't happy when she caught them kissing in front of the fire. I'm surprised you didn't hear their row."

"No, I didn't hear them at all. I must have been flat out." Or maybe it had a tiny little thing to do with the fact that I wasn't here last night; I had spent the night by the lake, with Remus.

"Lucky you." She smiled slightly although I heard a trace of bitterness in her voice. Sienna and Maria were supposed to be best friends and they were both nice… enough. Sienna didn't like me but she tried to hide this when Maria was there because Maria was always kind. We were never friends but we were kind to each other. So I had never heard Maria speak bitterly of anyone, let alone her best friend.

"I'm gunna go… somewhere." She told me, standing up and walking from the room.

"Don't forget the curfew," I called out to her.

"Okay Lily," She called over her shoulder.

*****

I stayed where I was, looking out of the window. It was nearly 9pm, in late June and the day had finally set into dusk. The sun was slowly giving way to the moon. I could see a few 6th and 7th years milling around in the grounds or down by the lake. Only the two highest years were allowed outside at this time; a new rule. There'd been talk of dark wizards around, nobody expected them to come anywhere near Hogwarts but still, you had to be careful.

It was as the sun finally disappeared over the mountains that I saw a group of four boys appear from the Entrance Hall, the light spilling out through the open doors illuminated them and I recognised them as the marauders. I frowned, wandering what they were up to. They knew as well as anyone else that fourth years weren't allowed out after 8.30pm these days. But then these were the marauders I supposed, they got kicks out of breaking rules.

I stayed looking down for another 5-10 minutes and everyone was slowly coming in from the grounds. After 9.30 only teachers were allowed outside and no one wanted to stay out anyway. Despite the late month, it was still cold at night. I found myself searching for the marauders amongst the trickle of people entering the castle but, to my surprise, and slight worry, there was no sign of them. In my search for them around the grounds, more light spilt through the doors and caught my attention. Out walked a student, a young student. In the stream of light I could vaguely make out that it was a girl with what looked like long hair and from the volume of it I guessed it was curly.

I heard a wolf howl and looked up automatically, there was a full moon and I shivered slightly. There were always rumours about a werewolf nearby. Some say it's a student, some a teacher, some a resident of Hogsmeade. Who knows, maybe there isn't one. But I was naturally more superstitious at night so I was hardly going to go and see if the rumours were true by myself. I snorted slightly at the thought of me going out there all brave and confronting a werewolf.

Kayleigh, who had just re-opened the curtains around her bed, raised one eyebrow and looked very disapprovingly at me. I struggled to keep from rolling my eyes as Kayleigh turned back to Stephanie and whispered something in her ear. Something about me I guessed as Steph turned and looked at me, raising her eyebrows at what Kayleigh was telling her. Steph came and put her dirty washing in the basket by the window I was sitting at and as she bent down she whispered so that only I could hear.

"First sign of madness is talking to yourself." I glared back at her as she went back to her own bed.

I turned my head away from her and watched as everyone started drawing the curtains around their beds so that they could change in privacy. I noticed that there was not just my bed empty but also another, on the other side of Sienna's. Maria's bed. Maria. I'd forgotten about her. Where had she gone? It was well past curfew she should have been back ages ago. And then it dawned on me. My head shot back round towards the window and I squinted into the darkness and finally made out the girl by the lights from the castle windows. The curls were bouncing up and down as she walked. Maria's curls. I looked up again as another howl echoed through the grounds. The full moon reflected off the water. But Maria wasn't looking at the water, or the sky, she was looking at the ground and dawdling her way across the grass. Heart thumping loudly in my chest, I stood up in horror.

Without hesitating I quickly strode across the room, making for the door.

"Not going out are we Evans? Breaking curfew? Naughty, naughty," Steph said, tucht-ing patronisingly at me.

"Shut up Steph," Tessa muttered and I smiled gratefully at her.

"What? All I wanted to know was where dear Lily was going?"

"You know why you care so much about other people's lives Steph?" I snapped. When she didn't answer I carried on. "Because you don't have one of your own." And with that I turned on my heel and sped from the room, all my energy focused on saving Maria. I heard a couple of snorts as I fled the room and a set of curtains being abruptly and angrily drawn. I grinned to myself but then, remembering where I was going, a serious face replaced it. Speeding down the grand staircase, I ran from the castle at the speed of light. Not slowing until I was in clear view of Maria, who was, thank god, safe and well. Physically at least for she still had the sad expression on her face. It was only when I slowed to walking pace that I became aware of the rustle in the nearby trees. Alert, my eyes darted around the forest edges but I couldn't make anything out in the impenetrable dark. And then everything was everywhere all at once.

I was first aware of the rat which darted passed my foot, making me yelp in surprise which alerted Maria to my being there. She began to say something when she saw that my horrified gaze was fixed on something beyond her. She froze, confusion clear on her face, until the snarling growl ripped its way through the dark night. She whipped round at once and, seeing the werewolf, started to back, shakily and slowly away. I couldn't just watch her die… and so I decided I would die with her. That's the sort of person I was, see. At least it wouldn't be a lonely death I thought, trying to lighten the situation in my mind.

"Maria!" I called out, running towards her. When I was next to her she grasped hold of my hand so tight that it hurt.

"How did you know to come?" She whispered, not taking her eyes off the beast before us.

"I, I saw you from the window. I didn't know if the rumours were true but I couldn't take the risk, sorry I wasn't quicker," I whispered.

"Thank you," she breathed. The werewolf stood on his hind legs and howled to the moon making us both quiver with fear. And then the rat which had run passed me earlier bit the creatures tail and he yelped in pain and then, being unable to see the rat in the dark, turned once more on us and we both screamed, shattering the still, night air.

Then I was suddenly aware of two other animals joining the midst. A stag came and charged at the werewolf, knocking it over whilst a dog came and stood, fur on end, in front of us. The stag turned and came running fast towards us and as he looked up at me, the look he gave me was almost worried but then this was only a stag; it couldn't be. The dog nuzzled its head into Maria's neck who had crouched down beside him, scratching him behind his ear. The stag nudged at my half open hand and I stroked his nose then down his back and he shivered, as if in pleasure.

And then all of a sudden the werewolf let another snarl echo through the night and as I looked over, I saw that he was back on his feet. Both the stag and dog turned their backs on us and stood, poised for attack, a few feet in front. It was as if they were protecting us. The werewolf made a lunge at us and the other two darted forward, ready to spring- and the werewolf was away, darting off around the lake. But then he feinted and all of a sudden he had the upper hand, the other two had lost their control. The werewolf came running up and lunged at us, tearing at our fronts. We both screamed in agony and fell to the floor as the dog and stag lunged at the werewolf who fell down, defeated.

The moon was temporarily covered by a veil of cloud and the werewolf lifted his head dazedly and, through my own pain which was beginning to cloud my eyes, I saw his eyes, less wolfish and more human now. And in that split second of cloud cover I saw a pair of eyes I recognised and loved so very much.

"Remus," I gasped before succumbing to the coming blackness that would relieve my pained and confused mind. Before I lost consciousness completely, I noticed the stag cock his head to the side and wandered vaguely before I went out how the animal could have heard what I said. But then I wasn't in my right state of mind so I'd probably imagined it. Then I closed my eyes and found the darkening pull too great to bare and went under entirely.


What do you think?

I'll put chapter 2 up some time later..